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NFL COACHES HOT SEAT RANKING

First Ever Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – NFL

First Ever Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – NFL

A chair on fire... metaphor "In The Hot Seat"

With the college football season over and Coaches Hot Seat members finding some free-time on our hands while watching and attending the X Games over the last few days and watching Tiger Woods on TV lapping the PGA Tour field in San Diego we figured….

“Why not put together a Coaches Hot Seat Rankings for the NFL?”

Why not INDEED!

Welcome to the First Ever Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – NFL and before we get to the first analysis of the NFL Head Coaches on the Hot Seat let us first introduce the new Coaches Hot Seat NFL website to you:

The home webpage for Coaches Hot Seat – NFL is here…

Coaches Hot Seat – NFL

….and there you will find links on the left-hand side of the webpage to the following three Coaches Hot Seat – NFL webpages:

Coaches Hot Seat Rankings NFL

NFL Coaches Salaries

Winningest Active Coaches NFL

Enjoy!

Now let’s get the First Ever Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – NFL underway and just like with our College Football Coaches Hot Seat Rankings we welcome in a man that needs no introduction and someone who can tell these Hot Seat Head Coaches in the NFL the Facts of Life….

Give ‘em Hell Johnny!

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1.  Jason Garrett, Dallas Cowboys – Here is an interesting thought experiment:

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones pockets his MASSIVE EGO that has led Jerry to believe he is….

The Greatest Human Being in the History of Planet Earth

JerryJone2

….and Jones hires Coaches Hot Seat as the General Manger of the Dallas Cowboys which immediately means that there would be someone with an IQ over room temperature running the Dallas Cowboys…BUT…we digress.

Jerry Jones after naming Coaches Hot Seat as the General Manager of the Dallas Cowboys says to us:

“Coaches Hot Seat. I am going to allow you guys to make a head coaching change with the Dallas Cowboys…BUT….you will only be able to either keep Jason Garrett as the head coach or hire Bozo the Clown as the head coach. So, which will it be to lead the Dallas Cowboys into the future? Jason Garrett or Bozo the Clown?”

Coaches Hot Seat:  “How soon can we get Bozo the Clown here?”

Oh, you think Jason Garrett is a better head football coach of the Dallas Cowboys than Bozo the Clown?

Bozo

Oh, you are indeed STUPID because at least Bozo the Clown on the sidelines as the head coach of the Dallas Cowboys on Sundays the team would not be WORSE than if the Cowboys had NO HEAD COACH AT ALL!

Bozo the Clown will wear some crazy make-up, put on that red-hair wig and be dancing around in his wacky clown suit with big shoes during the Dallas Cowboys games and most importantly NOT BE doing anything at all related to the what is actually going on during the game which means that….

Bozo the Clown would be a BETTER HEAD COACH for the Dallas Cowboys than Jason Garrett!

Let’s go Joe Friday and go to the FACTS on Jason Garrett as the head coach of the Dallas Cowboys:

Overall Record:  21 – 19 (.525)

NFC East Record:  8 – 8

Postseason Playoff Appearances:  ZERO

Now let’s compare Jason Garret’s Win – Loss Record with that of a former Dallas Cowboys head coach that took over a team with less than half-the-talent of the current Dallas roster and through the use of some high-draft picks and playing young players early put up an astonishing record in Big D:

Jimmy Johnson – Head Coach of the Dallas Cowboys – 1989 – 1993

1989: 1 – 5
1990: 7 – 9
1991: 11 – 5 – Lost in NFC Divisional Playoff Game
1992: 13 – 3 – Super Bowl Champions
1993: 12 – 4 – Super Bowl Champions

After Jerry Jones MASSIVE EGO forced Jimmy Johnson to depart Dallas after the 1993 season Barry Switzer was named the head coach and took the Cowboys to the NFC Championship Game in 1994 (lost to San Francisco 49ers) and won the Super Bowl in 1995 and since the 1995 Super Bowl Championship the Dallas Cowboys under head coaches…

Barry Switzer, Dave Campo, Bill Parcells, Wade Phillips and Jason Garrett

…have won TWO Playoff Games! (1996 Wild Card Game and 2009 Wild Card Game)

Can you say MASSIVE underachievement?

Why YES WE CAN!

Who has been in TOTAL CONTROL of the Dallas Cowboys since the 1995 season?

YOU GUESSED IT!

Jerry “I love myself more than I love life itself” Jones!

On a Very Damn Serious note we must say….

The Dallas Cowboys will NEVER WIN another Super Bowl as long as Jerry Jones is calling all the shots for the Dallas Cowboys.

PERIOD.

We here at Coaches Hot Seat are going to give Jerry Jones a piece of advice that all of the LACKEYS that surround him and kiss his ass all day long including that piss-ant of a head coach he has “leading” the Dallas Cowboys are not willing to do and that piece of advice for Jerry Jones is…

Get a FREAKING CLUE Jerry!

How could Jerry do that you ask?

Well, for one he can start acting like an OWNER of an NFL football team instead of the general manager, head coach, lead scout and general all-around know-it-all because Jerry Jones doing all of those jobs has in the past and is at this moment doing…

Tremendous Harm and Damage to the Dallas Cowboys

….and will do only MORE harm and damage to the team into the future UNLESS Jerry Jones makes some Phil Michelson style “drastic changes!”

Jerry Jones can start by reading the below Coaches Hot Seat Blog post about current San Francisco 49ers owner Jed York who we didn’t think was doing that great of a job leading the 49ers a couple of years ago and who we now believe is one of the best team owners in the National Football League:

Read and Learn Jerry Jones….Read and FREAKING Learn!

Nonsense Rules with the BCS? – You Got That Right! – The Computer Polls Portion of the BCS is Absolute and Complete BS and that is Straight From the People Behind the Computer Polls! – Yes, If You Support the Bogus BCS You Are Not Only A Gutless Candy Ass, You Are A Gutless Candy Ass Without A Working Brain As Well! – 2010 Midseason Winningest Active Coaches Ranking – SF 49ers Owner and President Jed York Says the Niners Are Going to Win NFC West After 0 – 5 Start……What the Hell? – How About the SF 49ers Going Out And Doing Something Instead of People Within the Organization Talking About What They Might Do? – The New San Francisco 49ers Football Stadium – It Should be in SAN FRANCISCO!, October 14, 2010

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2.  Rex Ryan, New York Jets – Talk about an NFL team owner that has lost complete control of his senses not to mention his facility to reason and think we here at Coaches Hot Seat are starting to wonder about the mental stability of New York Jets owner Woody Johnson after he decided to keep the train wreck otherwise known as….

Rex Ryan

….around for another season as the head coach of the New York Jets.

To anyone that has been paying attention it is clear that Rex Ryan is spiraling down into the Hot Seat T0ilet Bowl and when you are spiraling down into the Hot Seat Toilet Bowl there is usually only one thing that can potentially save your coaching career:

An Understanding that Win or Lose, Keep Your Job or Get Fired, Succeed or Fail one must always BE THEMSELF and do what they BELIEVE IN when times are toughest and it seems darkest because trying to be someone your not in a time of stress and failing only leads to more…..FAILURE.

Let’s go Joe Friday on Rex Ryan’s head coaching career with the New York Jets:

2009:  9 – 7 – Lost in AFC Championship Game to Indianapolis Colts
2010:  11 – 5 – Lost in AFC Championship Game to Pittsburg Steelers
2011:  8 – 8
2012:  6 – 10

What the Hell happened the last two years to the New York Jets under Rex Ryan?

Well, from a couple of thousand miles away from New York it seems obvious to us here at Coaches Hot Seat that…

Rex Ryan lost his MOJO

And

The New York Jets football team lost its CONFIDENCE.

Clearly, 2013 is the make-or-break it year for Rex Ryan’s head coaching career at least with the New York Jets and beyond getting Jets QB Mark Sanchez off his sorry ass (easier said than done since Mark Sanchez may be the most overrated QB in NFL history!) the best thing that Rex Ryan could do right now is to fly out to the San Francisco Bay area and spend a couple of days with John Madden who will set Rex Ryan straight on what IS and ISN’T important and maybe after spending some time with Madden Rex Ryan will be able to get his MOJO back because if Ryan doesn’t find his MOJO soon the New York Jets will have another disastrous season in 2013.

Here is what Rex Ryan was like when he still had his MOJO:

JimSchwartz7

3.  Jim Schwartz, Detroit Lions – Jim Schwartz took over a pitiful disgrace of a football team in the Detroit Lions in 2009 and in his first two years on the job Jim put up records of…

2009:  2 – 14
2010:  6 – 10

….and then Schwartz and the Lions started the 2011 season at 5 – 0 and hosted the San Francisco 49ers in Detroit on October 16, 2011 which the 49ers won in a hard-fought game 25 – 19 and then THIS happened after that Lions – 49ers game:

Oh, that was a STUPID move by Jim Schwartz going after Jim Harbaugh because Jim didn’t give him a “proper” handshake and if Schwartz had studied Harbaugh’s history he would have known that Jimmy has a history of “interesting” meetings after games….

…and that Jimmy Harbaugh was just being….Jimmy Harbaugh!

Here’s the REAL story as it pertains to Jim Schwartz going after Jim Harbaugh on October 16, 2011 and that is Schwartz and the Lions Win-Loss Record since that loss to the San Francisco 49ers:

10 – 17

IF you are asking us if Jim Schwartz going after Jim Harbaugh in the “handshake incident” on October 16, 2011 has directly affected the Detroit Lions in a negative way since then we would say….

YES, in our opinion the Detroit Lions have been a MUCH WORSE team since the “handshake incident” and the 2012 season was nothing less than a….

Complete Disaster

….for the Lions and Schwartz who will now coach the 2013 season for his job and coaching future.

RonRivera7

4.  Ron Rivera, Carolina Panthers – The Carolina Panthers have probably played a little better than their record over the past two years under Ron Rivera would indicate…..

2011:  6 – 10
2012:  7 – 9

Overall Record: 13 – 19

…..but this is not a charity football league that Ron Rivera is coaching in but rather this is the….

National Football League

….and that means Ron Rivera needs to start putting up some WINS and he needs to get the Carolina Panthers into the Postseason Playoffs or Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson who will be 77 years old this coming summer will probably be back in the market for another head coach come December that can take the Panthers to the Super Bowl.

On a personal note there are a few of us here at Coaches Hot Seat that knew Ron Rivera going back to his days at Seaside High School in Seaside, California and when Ron was playing linebacker at Cal in the early 1980s (which led to Ron deservedly being inducted into the College Football Hall of Fame in 2003) and knowing Ron Rivera to be a great guy we are pulling for Ron HARD and maybe in the back of our minds we think that putting Ron Rivera on the Hot Seat will motivate him just a little more….if that is even possible!

Come on Ron Rivera….Help us take you off of the Hot Seat!

DennisAllen7

5.  Dennis Allen, Oakland Raiders – We are not exactly sure what the Oakland Raiders were thinking when they hired Dennis Allen to be their head football coach in 2011 BUT if the Raiders wanted someone that looks like he should be running a lemonade stand on a neighborhood street corner and who coaches a defense that gives up TONS OF YARDS then the Oakland Raiders…

GOT THEIR MAN!

The Oakland Raiders football team has been a COMPLETE DISASTER going on 20 plus years now save the four years that Jon Gruden was the head coach of the Raiders between 1998 and 2001 when Oakland put up a record of…

38 – 26

…which was a team that was Completely Destroyed by Bill Callahan after Gruden’s departure to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers which means the move by Jerry Jones and the Cowboys to turn over the offensive play-calling to Bill Callahan makes Perfect Damn Sense since only a Complete Moron would turn over play-calling duties to Bill Callahan especially when one understands we would not allow Bill Callahan to call plays for the Coaches Hot Seat flag-football team mainly because we are focused on…

WINNING!

Let’s take a look at the recent roster of Oakland Raiders head coaches to see just what a Complete Downward Spiral the Raiders football team has been and is now in:

Bill Callahan – 2002 – 2003
Norv Turner – 2004 – 2005
Art Shell – 2006
Lane Kiffin – 2007 – 2008
Tom Cable – 2008 – 2010
Hue Jackson – 2011
Dennis Allen – 2012 – ?

Save Art Shell who was a decent head coach in his first go-around with the Raiders (1989 – 1994 – Three Playoff Appearances) we wouldn’t hire ANY of the above Raiders head coaches to coach a…

PRISON FOOTBALL TEAM

…forget about for a head coaching position of an NFL football club and thus you now know why the Oakland Raiders are in a Complete Downward Spiral that in our opinion will only continue Downwards under….

Dennis “That will be $1.00 for that lemonade sir” Allen!

Look for Dennis Allen to MOVE UP to Coaches Hot Seat Rankings NFL in 2013!

MikeMunchak7

6.  Mike Munchak, Tennessee Titans – There is no doubt that Pro Football Hall of Fame member Mike Munchak is one of the greatest players in NFL history….BUT…..being a great football player DOES NOT mean you will be a great head football coach and in two seasons as the head coach of the Tennessee Titans Munchak has put up records of…

2011:  9 – 7
2012:  6 – 10

Overall Record:  15 – 17

Sorry, the above records are just NOT GOOD ENOUGH to hold onto your head coaching job in the NFL and that means that Munchak will have to do better in 2013 or he might just find himself out of a job come December.

JoePhilbin7

7.  Joe Philbin, Miami Dolphins – Nothing against Miami Dolphins head coach Joe Philbin but when we see Joe Philbin on TV live and in color as we did on HBO’s Hard Knocks last fall which featured the training camp of the Miami Dolphins we here at Coaches Hot Seat cannot help but think….

“This guy (Joe Philbin) could be a great accountant….BUT a head coach in the NFL? Please!”

A few of us here at Coaches Hot Seat have actually had the opportunity to run into Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross (Founder, Chairman of the Related Companies) a few times over the years at business meetings/events and from those experiences here is our recommendation for Miami Dolphins head coach Joe Philbin:

WIN Joe Philbin….OR….you will be out of a job Joe!

Our guess: If the Miami Dolphins don’t make the Playoffs in 2013 Joe Philbin’s head coaching career in Miami will be OVER and Stephen Ross will after firing Philbin make a call to Jon Gruden and say….

“What’s it going to take Jon?”

…to which Jon Gruden will say something like….

“It’s not about the money Steve…..”

JonGruden8

What IS the key to getting Jon Gruden out of that Monday Night Football booth and back into a head coaching position in the NFL in 2013 at the age of 50?

Well, it would take an NFL team owner calling up Jon Gruden and NOT saying a word about money at the start BUT rather saying something like….

Jon Gruden answers the phone

NFL Owner:  “Hey Jon. “X” here. I was just wondering since you must know I now have an opening for a head coach with my football team IF you are going to continue to be a Candy Ass Pussy and sit your Precious Little Ass in that booth on Monday Night Football OR are you going to act like a REAL Man and take this head coaching job I am now offering to you and get back into the arena of battle?”

Jon Gruden:  “Well, ESPN is paying me pretty good….

NFL Owner:  “Jon, this isn’t about the money. I have a check for $5 Million Dollars on my desk made out to you as a signing bonus and I am offering you $10 Million-A-Year over 5 years and a $10 Million Dollar bonus if my team wins the Super Bowl in those 5 years. So what is it going to be Jon?
Candy Ass Pussy…..OR….REAL Man?”

Jon Gruden:  “Send the plane.”

Well, there you have the first Coaches Hot Seat Rankings NFL which we hope to expand on later this Fall when NFL training camp, the preseason games and the regular season gets underway!

As to the NFL Head Coaches, General Managers and Team Owners that can’t handle the HOT SEAT….

A chair on fire... metaphor "In The Hot Seat"

If you can’t handle the pressure of the NFL then you need to find something else to do with your life….

Like setting up an lemonade stand down at the corner!

As for Super Bowl XLVII…

Go San Francisco 49ers!

Bring this….

Lombardi6

…back to San Francisco!

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