We are introducing a new feature at Coaches Hot Seat for the 2015 football season and beyond…the….
10 College Football Head Coaches That CANNOT LOSE In Week “X”
…..and to introduce this feature we will use a song from the 1970s Super Band Steely Dan…
“They got a name for the winners in the world….I want a name when I lose…they call Alabama the Crimson Tide….call me Deacon Blues…Deacon Blues.”
Enjoy the GREAT Steely Dan singing Deacon Blues!
10 College Football Head Coaches That CANNOT LOSE In Week 2
1. Kevin Wilson, Indiana vs. FIU – After the close 1-point win over FCS team Southern Illinois in Week 1 there is just no way in Hell that Kevin Wilson’s Hoosiers can lose to FIU at home this week because a loss in this spot to a pitiful team from South Florida…
No…not the Miami Hurricanes
…would send Wilson’s ass into a part of the Universe that is Hotter than our Sun and last time we checked the Sun is pretty Damn HOT!
2. Paul Rhoads, Iowa State vs. Iowa – In Paul Rhoads last 25 games at Iowa State his Cyclones have posted the downright startling and depressing win/loss record of…
5 – 20
….and rightly so Paul Rhoads’ ass is now hotter than that coffee that some Idiot spilled on himself and sued McDonald’s about years ago and won BIG which we seem to recall was Pretty, Pretty Hot Coffee which means a loss in this spot to the Iowa Hawkeyes and fellow Hot Seat coach Kirk Ferentz would be nothing short of a…
Complete Freaking Disaster!
3. Kirk Ferentz, Iowa vs. Iowa State – Consider this in the Total Disaster that Iowa Football has become in recent years under the $4 Million Dollar Per Year Man Kirk Ferentz:
In Iowa’s last 40 games the $4 Million Dollar Per Year Man Kirk Ferentz has posted a win/loss record of…
20 – 20!
That’s right the University of Iowa….or rather the fans of Iowa Football and in many ways collectively college football fans across America that watch all of these college football games on TV have collectively paid Kirk Ferentz over the past four football seasons something on the order of….
$15 Million Dollars
….for 20 Stinking Wins which works out to the amazing number…
$750,000 Per Freaking Win!
Seriously…you CANNOT make this kind of stuff up and thus why Kirk Ferentz and his Iowa Hawkeyes CANNOT lose to Iowa State on Saturday because if they do the above number goes up to….
$800,000 Per Freaking Win!
Hell, if Kirk Ferentz keeps up this Mediocre Football at Iowa by the end of the 2015 college football season he could be getting paid something on the order of…
$1,000,000 Per Freaking Win!
…and that’s good money IF you can find people STUPID enough to pay that kind of money for MEDIOCRITY which Kirk Ferentz has found in the state of Iowa IN SPADES!
4. Charlie Strong, Texas vs. Rice – Anyone that has read the Coaches Hot Seat Blog over the past EIGHT college football seasons knows that we have some good fishing and hunting buddies in the Austin, Texas area who are Texas grads and love showing us “City Boys” what life is like in the Republic of Texas while hunting and fishing and every so often we haul those “Texas Boys” up to Montana to show them what life is like when you really go into backcountry where the trout are large and the grizzly bears will eat your ass if you are not careful!
Getting back to the subject at hand which is….
The Rolling and Raging On Fire Wagon Train
…that is now Texas football we asked our Austin fishing and hunting buddies what the temperature was down in Texas relative to Charlie Strong and Texas football and their replay was…
“Let’s just say that if Texas loses to Rice on Saturday night Charlie Strong’s house could be on the market and sold before the Horns play Cal the next Saturday!”
Uhhhhh….we would call that the temperature of some wings we used to eat at a chicken wing place in Jacksonville Beach, Florida when a few of us were serving in the US Navy that were the Hottest Damn Wings we have ever put in our mouths and the very simple one word name for those wings was:
This is very simple….Charlie Strong and Texas CANNOT lose to Rice on Saturday night…PERIOD.
5. Al Golden, Miami vs. FAU – If there is ONE coach in college football that knows he MUST produce in 2015 meaning win a Helluva lot of football games it is Miami’s head coach Al Golden and in Week 2 Golden and his Hurricanes play Florida Atlantic on Friday night and a loss in this spot with these SIX games up next…
At Florida State
…would be nothing short of a Complete Freaking Disaster and send Al Golden’s ass onto the face of an O Class Star which in case you didn’t know…
Is One Helluva Hot Place for your ass to be sitting on!
6. Les Miles, LSU vs. Mississippi State – We don’t have any fishing and hunting buddies in the state of Louisiana but we have heard that if LSU loses to Mississippi State on Saturday night that Les Miles will not be traveling back to Baton Rouge with the LSU football team but will instead be taken immediately to Cape Kennedy in Florida where several influential LSU boosters have arranged to have Les Miles and his ass launched on a NASA rocket to…
Calvera the closest neutron star to Earth which is approximately 250 to 1000 light-years from Earth
….which it will take The Mad Hatter several million years to reach and we have also heard that in order to really stick-it-to Les Miles during the entire trip to Calvera those LSU boosters have arranged it so Les Miles will be forced watch a continuous loop replay of the January 2011 BCS Title Game loss to Alabama which most agree was the…
Boringest College Football Game of All Time!
Memo to Les Miles: Don’t Lose to Mississippi State!
7. David Shaw, Stanford vs. UCF – A few Coaches Hot Seat members were on a conference call this week with a “non-athletic related contact” of ours on the Stanford campus who keeps his ears to the ground for us on The Farm since we have to work for a living and cannot hang around the Stanford Athletic Complex and whip the football team into shape which this Stanford football team needs desperately and our “non-athletic related contact” at Stanford said something very Damn interesting on our weekly conference call:
“If Stanford loses to UCF on Saturday there is a very good chance that Stanford doesn’t win 6 games this season because of how fragile and weak this team is and how tough the remaining schedule is.”
Hmmmm….this Stanford football team is “fragile and weak?”
Yep…that was our opinion of the Stanford football team we saw in August on The Farm although our term of…
Balsa Wood Stanford Candy Asses
…for this the 2015 Stanford football team seems to be a little more on the nose to us!
Let’s look at Stanford’s remaining games in 2015
At Oregon State
At Washington State
Yep…if Stanford cannot beat UCF which just lost to FIU on their home field then…
There is NO WAY IN HELL that Stanford gets close to 6 wins this season which would further validate what we have seen happen in recent years that has turned the once Very Damn Tough Stanford Football Program into the…
Balsa Wood Stanford Candy Asses
…that will fold-up like a cheap tent bought from Wal-Mart if even the slightest gust of wind hits the campground on The Farm in this case!
YES….UCF is a CANNOT lose game for Stanford head coach David Shaw but then when the cake has already been mixed and baked there isn’t a Helluva lot that one can do to that cake once it is sitting on the counter of the kitchen!
8. Mike Leach, Washington State vs. Rutgers – With Washington State about to look down the pipe of NINE Pac-12 Conference Games that will ALL be very difficult wins for the Cougars if there is a game that Mike Leach and his WSU football team needs to win it is this Saturday’s game against Rutgers because a loss in this spot to fall to 0 – 2 on the season and it will next to impossible for Washington State to get to 6 wins in 2015 and that would make…
Three Out of Four Losing Seasons for Mike Leach at Washington State
YES…beating Rutgers is CRITICAL for Mike Leach and the Cougs!
9. Bob Stoops, Oklahoma vs. Tennessee – There is no doubt in our minds that Oklahoma head coach Bob Stoops would like to get the Sooners back into the running for a National Championship before he is politely told that his services are no longer needed in Norman since being just a little better than average is eventually not going to cut it at OU even for Bob Stoops, BUT when you talk to people around Norman and we mean folks that have some insight….not total insight but some insight….into what is going on the feeling that used to pervade Oklahoma football under Stoops….
That Dammit We ARE Going To Win Big 12 Championships and National Titles or Die Trying
….just NO LONGER EXISTS in Norman and there in a nutshell is what is wrong with OU football.
We are always coming up with new ways to rank college football head coaches here at Coaches Hot Seat and one way we came up with this past Summer was the “Hungry Meter” meaning on a 1 to 10 scale how “Hungry” is EVERY college football head coach to win Games, Championships and National Titles either at his current school or a bigger school if a great job opportunity presented itself. We have been tossing around the idea of publishing our opinion on the “Hungry Level” for each college football head coach BUT it is such a subjective opinion based on admitted less-than-perfect information we have held it back….so far.…BUT we will tell you of what “Hungry Level” we have OU head coach Bob Stoops at on a 1 to 10 scale to win Games, Championships and a National Title with the Sooners which is of course just our opinion:
Bob Stoops was a “10” on the “Hungry Meter” from 2001 to 2008
Bob Stoops was a “9” on the “Hungry Meter” from 2009 to 2011
Bob Stoops was an “8” on the “Hungry Meter” from 2012 to 2014
Bob Stoops current rating on the “Hungry Meter” = 7.8
In our opinion here at Coaches Hot Seat ANY college football head coach who has a rating of less than “9.5” on the Coaches Hot Seat “Hungry Meter” in today’s incredibly Damn competitive college football landscape has NO DAMN CHANCE to win a Conference Championships and National Titles.
Two Coaches Hot Seat members will be traveling up from Atlanta to Knoxville on Saturday for the Oklahoma – Tennessee game and they will report back on what they see from Bob Stoops and the Sooners….and our guess is….OU loses to Tennessee and ends up with 7 or 8 wins on the season and Bob Stoops is DONE at Oklahoma come December either in reality meaning no longer the head coach at OU or just a coach going through the motions hauling down millions of dollars a year for “X” number of years into the future.
Just our opinion.
10. Brian Kelly, Notre Dame vs. Virginia – Of course both Brian Kelly and Virginia head coach Mike London BADLY need a win in this spot BUT this is a game that Brian Kelly CANNOT lose after the Week 1 crushing of the Hapless Texas Longhorns that are still the Texas Longhorns even though they are now Hapless with a Capital “H” under Charlie Strong! With Georgia Tech coming to South Bend a week from Saturday a loss in this spot will not only dash the hopes of Irish faithful all over the country but would set-up the biggest game of Brian Kelly’s career at Notre Dame because a loss to Virginia followed by a loss to the Yellow Jackets at home would more than likely be a irreversible stake into Kelly’s future unless the Irish ran the table the rest of the way and there CANNOT be a Human Being alive on the Earth that believes the Irish could pull that off!
Our guess….Notre Dame whips Virginia just as UCLA did in Week 1….BUT if the Irish flop-around and lose this game to the Cavaliers Brian Kelly might as well travel on down to Cape Kennedy and get on that rocket with Les Miles that is headed to the closest neutron star because South Bend will be a terrible place to be next week even if Kelly will have to watch along with Miles a continuous loop of the 2011 BCS Title Game between LSU and Alabama which thankfully for ALL college football games was So Damn Boring it gave us the College Football Playoff!