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Post Week 8 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – Hey Mr. Johnny Cash! For Some Reason There Are Some of These Hot Seat Coaches That Think They Are Safe….Set ‘Em Straight Johnny…Just Set ‘Em Straight!

 

Post Week 8 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

A chair on fire... metaphor "In The Hot Seat"

Hey Mr. Johnny Cash! For Some Reason There Are Some of These Hot Seat Coaches That Think They Are Safe….Set ‘Em Straight Johnny…Just Set ‘Em Straight!

Post Week 8 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

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1.  Brian Kelly, Notre Dame – We couldn’t help but laugh last week when we saw this headline…

Notre Dame AD Swarbrick says Kelly won’t be coaching for his job, Matt Fortuna, ESPN

….and we are laughing because Jack Swarbrick actually believes that he does the firing and hiring of coaches at Notre Dame….Oh Jack you are such a Damn Fool!

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Now we could claim that the “Big Money Folks” behind the scenes at Notre Dame and other schools have a big say in whether a coach is fired or not and who the next coach is going to be but the FACT is that it is the…

Fans, Alumni, and Boosters of Schools

…that ALWAYS determine whether a coach is fired or not and the Fans, Alumni, and Boosters control that by their collective opinion of the coach which is always hovering at a “Satisfaction” number between…

1 and 100

…and right now Brian Kelly’s “Satisfaction” number among Notre Dame Fans, Alumni and Boosters is around…

30!

Here’s a tip Jack Swarbrick that they didn’t teach at the Stanford Law School:

When a coach drops below 33% of the fans supporting a coach that coach is in a Helluva bad spot and if Brian Kelly continues to lose games such as to Miami in South Bend on Saturday his “Satisfaction” number will head towards…

20

….and if loss that was followed by a loss to Navy in South Bend, Brian Kelly’s number would enter a point where Jack Swarbrick would be faced with a choice forced upon him by the Fans, Alumni and Boosters of Notre Dame football:

Either FIRE Brian Kelly or your ass will be FIRED Swarbrick!

Get your Precious Ass out on that limb Jack Swarbrick and watch it get cut-off and it will be…

YOU Jack will be the Total Damn Moron that signed Brian Kelly to a long-term deal just a few months ago that will end up costing Notre Dame over $20-Plus Million Dollars if you have to send Kelly packing in December!

Notre Dame is 2 – 5 on the season and their only 2 wins are over Nevada and Syracuse that have a combined record of…

7 – 9

…and even the combined record of ALL of the Irish’s opponents in 2016 only stands at…

23 – 28

….so in reality Notre Dame has played NO ONE in 2016 and their record is still…

2 – 5!

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Be proud Jack Swarbrick and Oh that person on Line #2 next Monday if the Irish lose to Miami is one of the Notre Dame alums that wants to talk to you about a multi-million dollar donation that he is not sure he can still make since after all…

“You seem to think Jack that Notre Dame football can be Total Shit and Brian Kelly can still keep his job…now Jack if that’s the case your ass is going to be out on the street Son….maybe by tomorrow afternoon!”

“Mr. Swarbrick, “X” is on Line 2 and he says it’s important!”

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2.  Steve Addazio, Boston College – In Week 8 Boston College lost at home to Syracuse which…

Has A First Year Head Coach in Dino Babers

…which drops BC’s record in 2016 to 3 – 4 with wins over…

UMass – Coach on the Hot Seat
Wagner – FCS school
Buffalo – Coach on the Hot Seat

….and now head coach Steve Addazio’s win/loss record at BC stands at…

Overall:  20 – 25

ACC:  8 – 20

Oh…up next for Steve Addazio and Boston College…

Louisville!

Will Bobby Petrino’s football team hang 100 on the Eagles?

If they try to they will!

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3.  Mark Helfrich, Oregon – The most interesting parlor game now going on between Portland and San Francisco is…

Who will be the next head coach of the Oregon Ducks?

….because after that Total Damn Disaster that was Oregon’s performance against Cal last Friday night the word on the street is that…

Phil Knight is NOT HAPPY!

…and when Phil Knight is NOT HAPPY no one at Oregon is happy which brings us to Mark Helfrich who since Ohio State beat Oregon in the 2015 National Title Game has posted records of…

Overall:  11 – 9

Pac-12:  7 – 6

….and even worse Mark Helfrich is…

8 – 10

….in his last 18 games against Power 5 Conference Schools!

This is very easy….either Mark Helfrich and his Oregon Ducks win out against…

Arizona State
At USC
Stanford
At Utah
At Oregon State

…to finish the season at 7 – 5 or Mark Helfrich has NO CHANCE to keep his job at Oregon and even at 7 – 5 we are confident that if Helfrich was able to keep his job he would be forced to make MAJOR changes to hang onto his job in Eugene.

Yep…it’s all very simple…either win out or its Turn Out the Lights the Party’s Over for Mark Helfrich at Oregon!

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4.  Charlie Strong, Texas – Yep..Charlie Strong’s overall win/loss numbers in THREE years at Texas are bad enough…

Overall:  14 – 18

Big 12:  10 – 12

….but even more glaring is that in 23 games played against Power 5 Conference schools the last THREE years at TEXAS Charlie Strong’s record is…

6 – 17

….after the loss to Kansas State this past Saturday!

Now at 3 – 4 on the season and having beaten only…

Notre Dame – Coach on the Hot Seat
UTEP – Coach on the Hot Seat
Iowa State – First Year Coach

…..and with these games left to be played…

Baylor
At Texas Tech
West Virginia
At Kansas
TCU

….we can’t see TEXAS winning more than 6 games in 2016 and we have to think Charlie Strong would need 8 wins at least in his THIRD year on the job….Yes…at least 8 wins which the Horns could still do by winning out…but how likely is that…not Very Damn Likely in our opinion!

Now has Tom Herman…or his agent on his behalf…have some kind of handshake deal for Herman to take the Texas job and that is why Houston has looked like Total Crapola the last two weeks against Navy and SMU with Herman not putting in the effort any more at Houston?

Report: Tom Herman to Texas is “all but official”, Larry Brown News

Maybe…but then would Texas want a coach that has….MAYBE…QUIT coaching his current football team with Houston looking like a team that is…

NOT being coached right now….in our humble opinion of course!

Who knows….but for sure there is a HIGH chance that Charlie Strong will not be the head coach of the Texas Longhorns in 2017.

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5.  Kliff Kingsbury, Texas Tech – What is the Shakespeare quote that is apt for the coaching career of Kliff Kingsbury at Texas Tech? Oh yes….this is it…from Macbeth, Act V, Scene V:

“Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

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After Texas Tech’s 66 – 59 loss to Oklahoma which has some serious Damn defensive problems of their own…

Memo to Bob Stoops: Just how far does brotherly love go Bob? Signed, Coaches Hot Seat concerned for your mental health Son if you keep that Crazy Man Mike around much longer!

…Kliff Kingsbury’s record in FOUR seasons at Texas Tech now stand at:

Overall:  22 – 23

Big 12:  11 – 20

Just for comparison below are Mike Leach’s win/loss records at Texas Tech:

Overall:  84 – 43

Big 12:  47 – 33

Now after giving up 66 points to Oklahoma to drop their record to 3 – 4 on the season Texas Tech has left to play in 2016…

At TCU
Texas
At Oklahoma State
At Iowa State
Baylor

Hmmmm….a little angel whispered into the ear of a Coaches Hot Seat member on Sunday…actually it was a friend of ours from West Texas who doesn’t take kindly to us saying on Twitter…

We wouldn’t hire “X” to shovel shit in West Texas!

….but who is still a good friend nonetheless that…

“Anything less than 6 wins this season and Kliff’s done in Lubbock.”

Oh….well there you go Kliff…you better Damn win…

3 of your last 5 games Son

…or that’s it…at least in Lubbock for you Son!

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6.  Charlie Partridge, Florida Atlantic – We had high hopes for Charlie Partridge at Florida Atlantic coming over from the Arkansas coaching staff and we had high hopes because we here at Coaches Hot Seat have many friends in the Boca Raton area and we have been on the FAU campus many times to check out the place and Man has FAU been growing over the past couple of decades!

We recently talked to one of our good Boca Raton friends who is in the restaurant business and thus hears and knows a Helluva lot about what is going on in the Boca area and he gave us his opinion of the FAU football program under Charlie Partridge and his response was…

“It’s dead…just totally dead…and I don’t see it getting any better anytime soon…at least under Partridge.”

Damn Charlie….when you take a new job at place like FAU you better Damn start a fire and yet it seems like…

FAU Football is DEAD!

Here are the FACTS….in his THIRD season at FAU Charlie Partridge’s win/loss numbers stand at….

Overall:  7 – 24

CUSA:  5 – 14

…and now at 1 – 6 on the 2016 season the Owls still have to play games against..

Western Kentucky
At Rice
UTEP
Old Dominion
At Middle Tennessee

That looks like at least THREE more losses so probably the best FAU can finish in 2016…

3 – 9

…and that is what FAU posted in Partridge’s first two seasons at the school..

3 – 9

Sorry Charlie…3 – 9 is not going to cut it at FAU especially when the football program is….DEAD!

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7.  Paul Johnson, Georgia TechWith a former Georgia Tech football player in Todd Stansbury as the athletic director at Tech we fully expect the football program at the school to get a long look in the next few weeks with Paul Johnson now sitting on a record of 4 – 3 and games still left to be played against…

Duke
At North Carolina
At Virginia Tech
Virginia
At Georgia

Just our opinion…we see no reason in the world that Tech doesn’t win at least 6 games in 2016 but will SIX wins be enough for Paul Johnson to keep his job when there are some folks around Georgia Tech that think it’s way past time for the triple-option to go the way of the Pet Rock?

In our opinion after a losing season in 2015 anything less than 8 wins and Paul Johnson is DONE at Georgia Tech come early December and that means…

Tech needs to win 4 of its last 5 games!

….or the new AD at Georgia Tech will be looking for a new head come December and we have heard on the street that coach just might be…

A Young Offensive-Oriented High-Passion Current Head Coach!

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8.  Bret Bielema, Arkansas

Memo to Bret Bielema: 56 – 3 loss to Auburn? Just what in the Hell was that Son?

Signed, Coaches Hot Seat just wondering what in the Hell is going on Fayetteville besides the Bret Bielema reality TV show!

With that loss to Auburn on Saturday Bret Bielema is now sitting on the following win/loss records in FOUR seasons at Arkansas:

Overall:  23 – 23

SEC:  8 – 20

What?

Bret Bielema’s record in SEC play is only 8 – 20?

Yep…and guess what happens when you have a record of 8 – 20 in SEC play in FOUR seasons on the job?

Your Ass goes on the Hot Seat!

Just by comparison below are the win/loss records for Bobby Petrino and Houston Nutt in SEC play in their last FOUR seasons at Arkansas:

Bobby Petrino:  17 – 15

Houston Nutt:  16 – 16

Houston Nutt got his ass run out of Fayetteville for having a .500 record in SEC play and Arkansas fans were expecting BIG things from what would have been Bobby Petrino’s 2012 Arkansas team and now a record of…

8 – 20

….in SEC play is acceptable at Arkansas because Chubby Boy is funny and he likes to eat?

We feel it’s time to wake Arkansas Football fans up from their too much food eaten stupor and say…

Bret Bielema WILL be held to the same standard as Houston Nutt

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…and that means that unless Bielema starts winning some games like the one’s coming up….

Florida
LSU
At Mississippi State
At Missouri

…Bielema’s ass is going to as hot as a pig on a spit over a campfire in West Arkansas!

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9.  Will Muschamp, South Carolina – Will Muschamp and his South Carolina football team got a BIG…

34 – 28

…win over UMass on Saturday which raises the Cocks record to 3 – 4 on the season but South Carolina has beaten three teams in Vanderbilt, East Carolina, and UMass that have a combined record of…

7 – 16!

Woo-Freaking-Hoo!

The question is can Will Muschamp and his South Carolina football team win another game this season besides beating Western Carolina on November 19 with these games left to be played?

Tennessee
Missouri
At Florida
Western Carolina
At Clemson

Hell….South Carolina SHOULD beat a Pitiful Missouri team at home but that only adds up to…

5 Wins

…and we said it would take SIX wins to get Will Muschamp’s rear-end off the Hot Seat so…

Get that rear-end moving Son and get your team coached-up Will!

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10.  Kirby Smart, Georgia – The question being whispered around the state of Georgia these days go something like this…

“Is Kirby Smart the second-coming of Ray Goff?”

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It’s a valid question considering that Ray Goff played for Vince Dooley at Georgia and was hired as the Georgia head coach that followed Dooley when he was only…

33 Years Old!

….and Kirby Smart is former Georgia player who was hired as the head coach at UGA in his 30s!

By the way Ray Goff posted win/loss records in SEVEN seasons at Georgia of…

Overall:  46 – 34 – 1

SEC:  24 – 28 – 1

Uhhhh…if Kirby Smart is the second-coming of Ray Goff he will NOT make it to this seventh season at Georgia because the standard that Smart must beat is…

9.67 Wins Per Season

…which was what Mark Richt averaged winning per season at Georgia and after all…

Mark Richt was fired to make the way for Kirby Smart to be hired in Athens!

Now at 4 – 3 on the season with wins over…

North Carolina – A Good Win
Nicholls – A Total Joke
Missouri – A Total Joke
South Carolina – An Almost Total Joke

….the Dogs still have games left to play against…

Florida
At Kentucky
Auburn
La. Lafayette
Georgia Tech

Geez…Georgia might not be able to get to 6 wins in 2016 if they lose the World’s Largest Cocktail Party game to Florida on Saturday because one would have to think Kentucky has a good shot to beat Georgia at home in Lexington and Auburn….well Auburn would probably destroy Georgia right now!

We would recommend that Kirby Smart find a way to beat Florida on Saturday….just saying Kirby….because you don’t want to become the next…

Ray Goof!

Oh…that was Steve Spurrier’s name for Ray Goff!

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