The Hot Seat Is Just Heating Up Johnny Cash So Keep Giving These Hot Seat Coaches Hell Mr. Cash!
Post Week 6 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings
1. Darrell Hazell, Purdue – With Purdue’s 41 – 13 loss to Minnesota on Saturday Darrell Hazell’s records as the head coach of the Boilermakers in his third year at the school now stands at…
Overall: 5 – 25 (.167)
Big Ten: 1 – 17 (.056)
….which stands in stark contrast to the records of his fired predecessor at Purdue who was the head coach for four years and took the team to TWO bowl games:
Danny Hope (2009 – 2012)
Overall: 22 – 27 (.449)
Big Ten: 13 – 19 (.406)
Rule No. 1 To Be A Successful Head Coach: You MUST have a better record than the coach that was run out of town which got your ass hired in the first place!
Up next for Purdue and Darrell Hazell:
Damn….when it rains it Freaking Pours for Purdue football!
2. George O’Leary, UCF – UCF named George O’Leary the interim athletic director at the school in June 2015 and in the previous three seasons the UCF football program under O’Leary had posted records of….
2012: 10 – 4
2013: 12 – 1
2014: 9 – 4
….and since becoming the interim athletic director this past Summer George O’Leary’s football team has opened the 2015 football season with a record of….
0 – 6!
…which included a loss to a FCS team in Furman!
What’s wrong with UCF football exactly and what does George O’Leary being named the interim athletic director of the school have to do with the Complete Freaking Disaster that is now unfolding in Orlando?
We have our suspicions….BUT….we saw UCF play in person against Stanford on The Farm and we have watched the Knights in several other games this season as well and the TRUTH in our opinion is…
The UCF players have QUIT on George O’Leary for some reason
….and that means UCF could very well be looking at a 0 – 12 season in 2015 with these games left on the schedule:
Hell….if you can’t beat Furman you’re sure the Hell not beating any of the above teams and by December UCF may very well be looking for a new athletic director and a new head football coach which should be a Helluva lesson for head coaches out there that dream of sitting in the ADs chair!
3. Mike London, Virginia – The Losses Keep Coming for Mike London at Virginia with the Cavs losing to Pitt which has a first year head coach in Pat Narduzzi when Mike London is now in his SIXTH season in Charlottesville.
With the loss to Pitt Mike London’s records at Virginia now stand at…
Overall: 24 – 42
ACC: 11 – 30
…and if that can keep you employed at Virginia to the tune of over…
$3 Million Plus Dollars A Year!
….then where in the Hell do we sign-up because we would love to make…
$3 Million Plus Dollars A Year!
…for FAILING completely at the job we were hired to do!
Now at 1 – 4 on the season Virginia plays at North Carolina next which will be a Helluva tough place for the Cavs to get a win.
Geez…we feel for fans of Virginia football mainly because the LOSING has no end in sight!
4. Paul Rhoads, Iowa State – We don’t know exactly what has caused the bottom to fall out of the Iowa State football program since 2012 when Paul Rhoads took the Cyclones to a postseason bowl game BUT over the past THREE seasons Rhoads’ football team has posted a Big 12 Conference record of…
6 – 23
….and even more shocking the loss to Texas Tech on Saturday was Iowa State’s…
…straight loss to the Red Raiders who historically have had a roughly equal football program to the Cyclones.
Paul Rhoads is a hard-working coach and we assume that nothing has changed with him personally or professionally since 2012 BUT assuming that makes the fall-off of Iowa State football even more of a mystery BUT then suddenly there is the voice of reason filling the room with a Coaches Hot Seat member stating the obvious about the problems of Cyclones football:
“Since 2012 the Big 12 has become a lot more competitive and Iowa State has been standing in place.”
Yep…that has to be it and even with the decline of Texas football the rise of TCU and Baylor has forced other Big 12 schools to make adjustments as well and as Big 12 football teams have raced ahead it looks like Paul Rhoads has been doing the same thing and thus why we see scores like this one from this past Saturday:
Texas Tech – 66
Iowa State – 31
Hell, in 2012 Iowa State beat Texas Tech 24 – 13!
Up next for Paul Rhoads and the Cyclones….
Good Luck with that Paul Rhoads!
5. Mark Richt, Georgia – Mark Richt is a curious case indeed of someone that has…
Underachieved on a Borderline Massive Scale
….while not creating a lot of bad-will in the process which is curious on many fronts but then a Georgia-alum buddy of ours pointed us to an interesting record comparison.
Georgia-Alum Buddy: Look at Mark Richt’s win/loss record in SEC Conference play the last 11 seasons compared to Vince Dooley’s last 11 seasons at Georgia. I think you will find the comparison very enlightening.
OK…below are the win/loss records along with number of SEC Conference and National Titles over the last 11 seasons for Mark Richt and for Vince Dooley during his last 11 seasons at Georgia:
Vince Dooley (1978 – 1988)
SEC Record: 53 – 12 – 2 (.806)
3 SEC Conference Titles
1 National Title
Mark Richt (2004 – 2014)
60 – 26 (.698)
1 SEC Conference Title
ZERO National Titles
Mark Richt’s SEC Conference winning percentage over the last 11 seasons before 2015 is sitting at…
…which is AWFUL at a place like Georgia especially with the kind of money that alums, boosters and fans of Georgia football have been pouring into Athens over the last decade-plus BUT let’s look at Mark Richt’s win/loss record over the past 11 football seasons against the Bulldogs FOUR main SEC Conference rivals…South Carolina, Tennessee, Florida and Auburn:
South Carolina: 6 – 5
Tennessee: 7 – 4
Florida: 5 – 6
Auburn: 8 – 3
26 – 18 (.591)
Damn….a .591 winning percentage against your FOUR main SEC Conference rivals is nothing short of a Complete Freaking Disaster and Oh let’s not forget that Mark Richt is…
2 – 4
….in SIX games played against Nick Saban at Alabama and LSU since Saban and Richt took head coaching jobs in the SEC.
What then should Georgia do with Mark Richt since it looks like that Richt will NEVER lead UGA football team to Promised-Land forget about getting into the College Football Playoff especially when one considers that a….
….winning percentage against South Carolina, Tennessee, Florida, and Auburn over the past 11 seasons is evidently enough for Richt to keep his job?
Our guess…Georgia does NOTHING and UGA football fans will do NOTHING as the Bulldogs stumble to another “little above average season” but again…NOT…a GREAT season and maybe it’s just time for the fans of Georgia football to accept the TRUTH:
Georgia is NOT an elite football program even though Georgia has dozens and dozens and dozens of ELITE football players on its roster!
Up next for Mark Richt and Georgia:
Hell, the way the Missouri offense looks like right even Georgia defensive coordinator Jeremy Pruitt will be able to stop it with his defense which has more holes than the Titanic and is sinking fast until the USS Missouri rolled into town which has a WEAK offense to match the WEAK Georgia defense!
6. Bob Stoops, Oklahoma – Fans of Oklahoma football just have to love the below quote from their head coach Big Choke Bob Stoops after his team got its ass out-hustled and whipped by Texas:
“It surely didn’t start off great,” Bob Stoops said, “but I do feel like we were ready. … I don’t think it was because we were not ready.”
Oh…you’re right there Big Choke Bob….OU was probably “ready” in your own little fantasy world BUT what was apparent to anyone not blind watching the Texas – Oklahoma game on Saturday was that….
Texas opened the game fired-up and ready to play football
Oklahoma opened the game asleep and thinking they were going to roll a Texas team that just got whipped by TCU
Memo to Big Choke Bob Stoops: When it’s Very Damn Obvious that your football team is getting its ass out-hustled and whipped by an opposing team that has NOTHING to do with being “ready” but rather has EVERYTHING to do with the head coach and coaching staff NOT doing their Damn jobs in preparing their football team for an emotional game, and by the time the OU players started giving a Damn which was about the time in our opinion that you Big Choke Bob Stoops started giving a Damn….sometime in the Third Quarter when you figured out, “Hell, we might lose this game to Texas!”….it was far Damn too late Big Choke!
Below is Big Choke Bob Stoops and Oklahoma’s Big 12 Conference record in their last 12 conference games:
13 – 7 (.650)
Is that Oklahoma Football Big Choke Bob Stoops?
Uhhhhhh….that would be a BIG FREAKING NO Big Choke!
Oh, by the way fans of Oklahoma football…
Big Choke Bob Stoops will make…
….which we have to ask for the fans of Oklahoma football…
Why in the Hell is Big Choke Bob Stoops being paid in excess of $5 Million Dollars when his Sorry….and Lazy Ass in our opinion….cannot even get his team fired-up to play…
Up next for Big Choke Bob Stoops and the Sooners…
At Kansas State
…and we cannot wait to hear Big Choke’s comments after his team loses to the Wildcats….
“I don’t think it was because we were not ready.”
Not that there is anyone above the Candy Ass level at Oklahoma that could do this BUT if we were the athletic director at OU after hearing what Big Choke Bob Stoops said after that Complete Freaking Disgrace of a Game against Texas we would….
Take Big Choke Bob Stoop by the scruff of the neck and lift his ass up off the ground and look right into his eyes and say:
“Listen up you little Bastard…you are being paid over $5 Million Dollars to coach the Oklahoma football team and if you can’t deliver your team to the games ready to play I am going to toss your Sorry Ass out the door or fire your Ass at the airport “Pat Haden-style” whichever is the most Damn convenient!”
Our guess on Oklahoma the rest of 2015:
They will lay down and QUIT just like they did in 2014!
Memo to Head Football Coaches Everywhere: If you ever find yourself in a situation as Oklahoma did on Saturday against Texas when the opposing team is playing a much higher emotionally and effort level than your team and you as a head coach are desperate to win the game….not that we think Big Choke Bob Stoops gives two rips if OU wins another game or not because he’s going to get his $5M Plus whether Oklahoma wins another game which is jus our opinion as American Citizens on Big Choke….then you MUST do something to get your team’s attention and rally your fans and usually that something must be something BIG like arguing a borderline call really hard even if it gets you a penalty flag! Most of all a head coach CANNOT let an opposing team continue to play at a much higher emotionally and effort level while just standing on the sidelines doing NOTHING as Big Choke Bob Stoops did in the OU – Texas game….in our opinion of course as American Citizens and Veterans of the American Republic! Take that and Stuff it Where the Sun Doesn’t Shine Big Choke!
7. Steve Sarkisian, USC – We decided to keep Steve Sarkisian in his original Coaches Hot Seat member voted Post Week 6 Coaches Hot Seat Ranking spot on Sunday because we are…
….at Steve Sarkisian for what has been nothing less than….
Sarkisian’s Outrageous Behavior and Actions
….over the past few years and please save us the harp music on how “Sarkisian needs help because he is going through so much” because we know a Helluva lot of people that have been through things that Sarkisian cannot possibly imagine and they did not drink their asses out of their dream job not that the Clown Show that has become USC Athletics has helped this entire situation since we here at Coaches Hot Seat and many USC alumni have known about issues with Sarkisian going back to the Spring of this year at least!
A few of us here at Coaches Hot Seat first met Steve Sarkisian in either 2000 or 2001 either right when or just before he took a job on Pete Carroll’s staff at USC and unlike the….
Pompous Arrogant Ass Lane Kiffin who in our opinion would sell out EVERY child in America to promote his Own Sorry Ass
….Sarkisian was immediately likeable and did a nice job navigating the difficult job of both working for Pete Carroll and with that Pompous Arrogant Ass Lane Kiffin during those USC years.
We have LOTS of folks here at Coaches Hot Seat that have been drinking alcohol since the late 1970s at least since the drinking age back then was still 18 and although we have had plenty of crazy nights drinking beer and liquor to a man when it comes time to do work whether that work was in the US Military, at the White House, on Capitol Hill or in thousands of private sector positions it was TIME TO DO WORK and just like Sarkisian many of us have been through Very Damn Tough situations where the last Damn thing someone would want to do is start drinking heavily or taking pills or doing anything to take the focus off working through the Damn problems each and every Damn day!
Yes….we are PISSED at Steve Sarkisian and anyone that has been reading the Coaches Hot Seat Blog over the past nine college football seasons has also noticed us referencing “issues” with Sarkisian especially when he was at Washington although we never believed it was anything like what has happened to Sarkisian at USC.
We do hope Steve Sarkisian gets his life straightened-out although we cannot imagine he will coach again at USC or hold any head coaching position for a Helluva long time which brings us to a short story which we hope people in positions like the head football coach at USC will take to heart:
A couple of years ago a member of Coaches Hot Seat got promoted to the CEO position of a medium-sized company and as always he joined us at the annual Coaches Hot Seat Lake Tahoe Clambake in August of each year which includes a good amount of drinking in and around the general public at many different resorts, restaurants, and golf courses on the north shore of Lake Tahoe. What all of us noticed almost immediately with our long-time friend who was now the CEO of a decent-sized company was that he no longer did things in public that would reflect badly on the company he now led and one night we asked him about this and his response was perfect…
“I am the CEO of a company now and my behavior must reflect the values and expectations of employees and company I now lead.”
And a Coaches Hot Seat member added to that: “And you don’t want to get your ass fired for something someone filmed or saw you do in public!”
Bottom-Line Lesson: When you take on the position of CEO or head football coach for that matter your life is no longer just your own because you now are the public face and leader of that company or football team and if you don’t want the responsibility that comes with being the CEO or a head coach then for Damn sure don’t take the job….BUT….if you do take that job have some Damn class and act like a LEADER!
Memo to Steve Sarkisian: Get well son but for Damn sure you let us down and a Helluva lot of other people down and you should be ashamed. The Good News is you can start anew TODAY and build your life from this moment going forward and to do anything else but face and take-on your problems head-on is to be a COWARD and the Steve Sarkisian we know is No Damn Coward! Very simply….Fight Steve!
Good Luck to you Steve
8. Al Golden, Miami – Miami played pretty well against what looks like to us to be just a Slightly Above Average Florida State football team but with that loss to FSU on Saturday Al Golden’s win/loss records at Miami now stand at…
Overall: 31 – 24
ACC: 16 – 17
…and frankly….THAT SUCKS!
Up next for Al Golden a game against Virginia Tech at home in what is of course a CANNOT LOSE game but then EVERY game left on Miami’s schedule in 2015 is a CANNOT LOSE game for Al Golden!
9. Bret Bielema, Arkansas – The Coaches Hot Seat members sitting together in San Francisco watching college football on Saturday couldn’t help but laugh when they saw Bret Bielema run to the locker room at the halftime of the Arkansas – Alabama game thinking he was actually in the game against Bama leading 7 – 3.
A Coaches Hot Seat member actually said watching Bielema: “That Fat Ass actually thinks his team has a chance to win this game! Hilarious!”
Of course, for anyone with a working brain it was obvious that Nick Saban was playing the Arkansas game very low key with the only one of two threats to beat Alabama left on the Tide’s schedule this coming Saturday at Texas A&M (LSU is the only other team on Bama’s schedule it could lose to) and Saban wasn’t about to waste a lot of emotion whipping the Razorbacks when a pedestrian win would both serve his interests to get his team ready for A&M and not stress his team out as they head into a tough stretch of games. Most great football coaches know that a team can only get really HIGH for two maybe three games in each regular season and if you count Ole Miss as one game, A&M will be two games, and LSU will be three games which is why the SEC is such a Helluva tough conference because that still leaves the Iron Bowl against Auburn and the SEC Championship Game!
Getting back to Bret Bielema now in his third season at Arkansas Chubby Boy is sitting on a SEC Conference record of…
3 – 16
….and still has to play in the SEC this season:
At Ole Miss
Damn….could Bret Bielema really be sitting on a SEC Conference record of something like…
5 – 19
….in three seasons coaching at Arkansas?
That’s an average of….
1.67 SEC Conference Wins A Year!
Hell…if were hired as AD at Arkansas tomorrow we would call Chubby Boy into our office and say something like:
“Bielema your ass is now sitting on an SEC Conference record of 3 – 16 and you have five SEC games left to play in 2015. I am going to tell you straight-out….you win less than 3 of the remaining 5 SEC games and I am going to fire your ass on the evening of Friday November 27 in this office because Hell son….we can’t keep on a coach here at Arkansas that can’t win some Damn football games in the SEC! Also, is there some kind of razor shortage I don’t know about here in northwest Arkansas because you look like a Damn bum on the sideline son and if you come into the office tomorrow without shaving I am going to fire your ass right in this office tomorrow morning. Now go find a Damn razor and start winning some football games! Is that clear enough? Good now get your Chubby Ass out of here and Hell it wouldn’t hurt if you missed a few desserts although I am not saying you are fat. OK, I guess telling you to get your “Chubby Ass” out of here means I am saying your fat so you have me on that one!”
10. Mark Helfrich, Oregon – Before Mark Helfrich took over the Marketing and lately Winning Machine that Mike Bellotti and Chip Kelly built at Oregon Helfrich was on the staff of head coaches at TWO Power 5 schools…
Dirk Koetter at Arizona State
Dan Hawkins at Colorado
…and in those EIGHT years that Helfrich was on the above staffs working as an offensive assistant Arizona State and Colorado posted a combined record of….
53 – 58!
Of course, Dan Hawkins had a much worse record at Colorado than Dirk Koetter had at Arizona State BUT both were fired from their head coaching jobs for average or worse than average coaching stints with Mark Helfrich pulling one of the great assistant coaching moves in football history getting out of Colorado only two years before Dan Hawkins was fired at Colorado and landing at Oregon which was just on the upswing under Chip Kelly.
Did Mark Helfrich do anything in his four seasons as an offensive assistant at Oregon to deserve the head coaching job with the Ducks?
Well….Oregon is a little like a Medieval Kingdom in our opinion which is funded by serfs…think people making slave wages across Asia…making Nike products and when Chip Kelly hit the road to take the Philadelphia Eagles job the last Damn thing that was going to happen at Oregon was an open coaching search because to bring in someone from outside the medieval kingdom that didn’t know where all the landmines are located and who you just CANNOT piss off under any circumstance would have been too Damn risky and thus why Mark Helfrich is the head coach at Oregon today.
Sure enough Mark Helfrich kept the machine that Mike Bellotti and Chip Kelly built rolling in his first two seasons BUT there were signs of some small cracks along the way which in 2015 has turned into MASSIVE wide open holes that is for the most part hidden from public view since the Oregon football program is secreted away from fans of Oregon football and everyone else for that matter in a way that would make the Fascist Thugs that ran the USSR jealous if they were still around to see how things operate in Eugene.
Very simply in our opinion….Oregon Football is run by Fascist Thugs that believe a fan taking a picture of the Oregon football team practicing is akin to robbing a bank but the former US Military Intelligence Officer’s here at Coaches Hot Seat aren’t scared of people that are scared of someone who made his fortune making products paying slave wages and then marking up those products 500% plus to sell to the American People that need good jobs at good wages right here in America…and in the struggling state of Oregon for that matter…and from our checking-around Eugene a few weeks back it is our opinion….
The Oregon Football Program is in a Total and Complete Meltdown Right Now
….and the last Damn thing the “Powers That Be” at the University of Oregon would want is a head coach firing and possibly being forced to have to hire a REAL head coach to lead the football team so expect the fall of the Ducks to continue on for awhile….until the King decides he has seen enough…and then maybe current offensive coordinator Scott Frost will be promoted to head coach in true Medieval Kingdom fashion!
Up next for the now former Mighty Powerful Oregon Ducks….
….who we would love to see beat the Ducks and then…
At Arizona State!
Could the now former Mighty Powerful Oregon Ducks be….GASP…..
3 – 5
…when they host California on November 7 with Mark Helfrich coaching for his job in every sense of the phrase “coaching for his job?”
YES is the answer to that question and let us say it is Mighty Damn Fun to watch the Pompous Arrogant Asses both in and around the Oregon football program fall flat on their faces and to that we can only say….
Go Huskies…Whip Those Pompous Arrogant Ass Ducks!
Hell, with Stanford playing UCLA on The Farm on Thursday night we may just have to make the trek up to Seattle on Friday evening to hang-out with our Washington-alum friends and then watch the Huskies whip the Ducks in Husky Stadium on Saturday!
Oh…that would be SWEET!