20 College Football Head Coaches Facing CANNOT LOSE Games In Week EIGHT – “They got a name for the winners in the world….I want a name when I lose…they call Alabama the Crimson Tide….call me Deacon Blues…Deacon Blues.”


“They got a name for the winners in the world….I want a name when I lose…they call Alabama the Crimson Tide….call me Deacon Blues…Deacon Blues.”

Enjoy the GREAT Steely Dan performing Deacon Blues!


1.  Gus Malzahn, Auburn vs. Arkansas – It’s not like anyone here at Coaches Hot Seat needs to tell anyone that Gus Malzahn is facing yet another critical game in his coaching career at Auburn with the Tigers traveling to Fayetteville to play Arkansas on Saturday but consider this for a moment:

If Auburn loses to Arkansas to drop to…

4 – 3 overall

1 – 3 in SEC play

….they will still have to play games against…

Ole Miss
At Texas A&M

….and fight like Hell just to get bowl eligible in a season when many in the media that clearly didn’t know their Asses from the Side of a Barn had Auburn in the 4-Team College Football Playoff!

Even worse with a loss to Arkansas Gus Malzahn’s record in SEC play over the last 6 games dating back to 2014 will then stand at…

1 – 5

….with Ole Miss, Texas A&M, Georgia and Alabama still to play. Could Auburn really end up with a record of….

1 – 9

…in its last 10 SEC Conference games after the Iron Bowl on November 28?

Yes…and that reality must scare the Hell out of Gus Malzahn, Auburn AD Jay Jacobs and the other folks at and around Auburn University that will spend somewhere around…

$50 Million Dollars on Auburn Football in 2015

….and the Tigers might not even make it to a bowl game which only requires a beyond pitiful 6 – 6 record?

Sorry…with 3 Cupcake games and $50 Million Dollars being spent if you can’t find 3 more wins out of the remaining 6 football games then not only should the head coach be fired the athletic director should be sent packing as well because that is an outrage beyond an outrage in every sense of the world outrage!

Good Luck against Arkansas Gus!


2.  Bret Bielema, Arkansas vs. Auburn – A question that is impossible for us to answer or for anyone else to answer in our humble opinion is:

Is Bret Bielema a Good Football Coach?

Not….Is Bret Bielema a Great Football Coach BUT rather just is Bret Bielema a Good Football Coach because Bielema’s time at Wisconsin is very warped from what former Badgers head coach and now AD Barry Alvarez established at the school but we will give Bielema the benefit of the doubt and say he was a…

Close to Being A Good Football Coach at Wisconsin

…but then could Paul Chryst also have put-up the same kinds of records at Wisconsin following Barry Alvarez that Bret Bielema did in seven seasons as the head coach which were….

Overall:  68 – 24

Big Ten:  37 – 19

Yes…in our opinion Paul Chryst or any Average-to-Good Coach could have done what Bret Bielema did at Wisconsin which brings us to what Bret Bielema has done at Arkansas now in his third season on the job:

Overall:  12 – 19

SEC:  3 – 16

Damn….Bret Bielema’s 3 – 16 in SEC Conference play really does stand out as being Very Damn Bad and just to understand how Very Damn Bad Bielema’s SEC record is at Arkansas in 1998 Houston Nutt took over an Arkansas football program from Danny Ford that was coming off two-straight losing seasons….not just one losing season that Bielema inherited from John L. Smith…and in his first three years on the job Houston Nutt posted an SEC Conference record of…

13 – 11

…and took Arkansas to bowl games in his first six seasons on the job.


Do you think it’s Very Damn Important for Bret Bielema to beat Auburn on Saturday and find three more wins out of their remaining five games?

UT Martin
At Ole Miss
Mississippi State

You bet your ass it’s important because we cannot imagine ANY excuse that would make any Damn sense at all for why a head coach at Arkansas didn’t post at least a 6 – 6 record in his third year on the job unless that head coach was just flat-out…

Not A Very Good Coach.


3.  Charlie Strong, Texas vs. Kansas State – During this past bye week for Texas a Coaches Hot Seat member made a call down to Austin, Texas to one of his Texas-alum hunting and fishing buddies and asked what was the feeling on Charlie Strong among the “money folk at Texas” and this Texas-alum said straight-out:

“I don’t think Charlie’s going to make if it we don’t go to a bowl game this season.”

What the Hell does that mean the Coaches Hot Seat member asked….

“Exactly what the Hell you think it means! If Texas doesn’t get six wins this season and there is an established or even a hot young coach out there that we can get we will probably have a new head football coach before the New Year.”


With the above in mind let’s look at the current situation with Texas football:

Texas is now 2 – 4 on the season and they have left games against…

Kansas State
At Iowa State
At West Virginia
Texas Tech
At Baylor

In our opinion if Texas beats Kansas State at home on Saturday they will be 5 – 4 when they head to Morgantown on November 14 and if we were Charlie Strong we sure the Hell would want to win that game against West Virginia to get to 6 wins and not have to win one of those last two home games against Texas Tech or Baylor to keep my Damn job!

Coach ‘Em Up Charlie and play like Men Possessed Texas Longhorns!


4.  Kevin Sumlin, Texas A&M vs. Ole Miss – As we have written about in the Coaches Hot Seat Blog for years one of the original 7 founders of Coaches Hot Seat that we call the….

Balboa Café 7

….based upon the 7 Coaches Hot Seat members that met in a bar in the Marina District of San Francisco where the Coaches Hot Seat website was dreamed-up in the Fall of 2006 to get then Stanford head coach Walt Harris’ Sorry Ass run off The Farm has Texas A&M Aggie relatives that live in the Houston, Texas area and those Aggies have been Very Damn Accurate in predicting when head coaches at A&M would get their asses run out of College Station and after A&M’s loss to Alabama that Coaches Hot Seat member with Aggie connections called down to Houston and here is how that conversation went:

Coaches Hot Seat: “Hey there. How are things in Houston?”

Aggie Alum: “They suck but then what the Hell would you expect with oil below $50 dollars a barrel!”

Coaches Hot Seat: “That’s too bad. We read the other day that University of Oklahoma president David Boren prays for higher oil prices so the Oklahoma economy will do better and thus more dollars will flow to Norman.”

Aggie Alum: “When you talk to David next time tell him to say a prayer for Texas also!”

Coaches Hot Seat: “Will do although Senator Boren doesn’t take our calls anymore! Hey, after that Alabama beatdown of the Aggies what’s the state of A&M football?”

Aggie Alum: “Hell, Aggie football is a Damn mess! We give Sumlin a F-ing Palace to play football in and his team looks about half-prepared against Alabama and he gets its ass run out of that Damn Palace and now we are headed to play Ole Miss and Damn if I know what will happen this week now!”

Coaches Hot Seat: “So at what point does Kevin Sumlin get on the wrong side of the right people and given a big check and told to go find something else to do with the rest of his life on this Earth?”

Aggie Alum: “Hell, I looked last night and Sumlin is 15 – 12 in SEC play since he got here and if the Aggies lose to Ole Miss I would recommend Sumlin win out the rest of his games this season or at worst lose only to LSU or a few folks might be asked to write a big check come December but then this is Texas so what’s a few million dollars to get rid of a football coach that can’t get the Aggies to the SEC Title Game?”

Coaches Hot Seat: “So let’s see here…A&M is 5 – 1 right now and they have left at Ole Miss, South Carolina, Auburn, Western Carolina, at Vanderbilt, and at LSU. 2 more losses would be a 9 – 3 record overall and 5 – 3 in SEC play…that’s not too bad.”

Aggie Alum: “Sure that’s fine for Houston but Houston doesn’t play in a $500 Million Dollar brand Damn new football stadium and 5 – 3 in conference play is just not going to cut it around these parts anymore.”

Coaches Hot Seat: “What if A&M stumbled three more times in SEC play this season and finished at 4 – 4 in the SEC and 8 – 4 overall….where would that leave Sumlin?”

Aggie Alum: “That would leave Kevin Sumlin without a job on Christmas Day although he would have one big shit-pot full of money to soothe his sorrows over the Holidays!”

Memo to Kevin Sumlin: Don’t lose at Ole Miss son. Signed: Coaches Hot Seat


5.  Hugh Freeze, Ole Miss vs. Texas A&M – Like with Mark Richt it’s impossible for us to dislike Hugh Freeze although we do get a kick out of both Mark Richt and Hugh Freeze making comments over the years about how “God might have a role in the outcome of a football game” when it’s the firm opinion of the physics majors here at Coaches Hot Seat that the God that spun up this huge Universe has a lot of other things to worry about than if Georgia or Ole Miss wins a football game!

One thing that did catch our eye this past week that was said by Hugh Freeze which we hear all the time from coaches in the aftermath of losses which is the “didn’t execute” thing and below is a Hugh Freeze quote in a press conference after his team’s loss to Memphis:

“On what the team needs to do…
“Defensively, I have evaluated every one of them. It is very frustrating. Like I’ve told our coaching staff, it really doesn’t matter what you know, it matters what your kids know. Over five different occasions we had the perfect call and the play didn’t get made. We need to continue to see if we are not communicating it effectively, or what is causing the problem. We have to continue to work. There are times the other team gets you. Paxton Lynch is a good quarterback and he made some very good plays in that game that we had not seen. When you do have the right call, you need to get off the field. Offensively, we need to continue to work on what we think we can do and stay on those things.””

In essence Hugh Freeze is right in saying that he and his coaches need to learn how to better communicate to the Ole Miss football team so that when something like this happens…

“Over five different occasions we had the perfect call and the play didn’t get made.”

…but then as the Great Bill Walsh said one time if he said it a thousand times something to the effect of:

“Hell, the playcall is meaningless if the team can’t execute it properly.”


Translation: The playcall is meaningless and has Very Damn Little to do with winning football games because it’s not a play, or a scheme, or a formation, or some kind of trick that wins football games but rather how well the players execute on the field of play and in our opinion watching Ole Miss play Florida and Memphis…

Hugh Freeze has done a Piss-Poor job of getting his football team ready to play their last two games and we rather doubt that Freeze will have his team ready to play Texas A&M on Saturday.

After the loss to Memphis the Rebels are now 5 – 2 on the season with games left against…

Texas A&M
At Auburn
At Mississippi State

Memo to Hugh Freeze: If you lose to Texas A&M your ass is going on the Hot Seat and if your team plays the rest of the 2015 season the way your team played against Florida and Memphis your team will be lucky to win 2 more ballgames and if Ole Miss finishes at 7 – 5 with all the talent on this 2015 Rebels squad YOU Hugh Freeze are going to find out what your ass being on the Hot Seat feels like for the Entire Damn Offseason and also heading into the 2016 college football season!

Don’t lose to Texas A&M Hugh Freeze or it will be the Hot Seat for your ass son!

Bob Stoops

6.  Bob Stoops, Oklahoma vs. Texas Tech –With a win over Texas Tech on Saturday and with Kansas and Iowa State up next Bob Stoops Oklahoma football team has a chance to be…

8 – 1

….when they travel to Waco to play Baylor on November 14 but then the Sooners actually have to…

Show up and play against Texas Tech like they actually give a Damn about playing football for the University of Oklahoma

….which has not been a regular occurrence for the Sooners in recent years under Bob Stoops in our opinion and why every Damn game should scare the Hell out of fans of OU football since you never know when…

Little Game Bob Stoops


Big Choke Bob Stoops

….will rear its ugly head!

Our guess….Oklahoma will slop around and barely beat Texas Tech on Saturday….beat Iowa State and Kansas (Big Whoop!)….and then the Sooners will get its ass run and lose their last three games of the season to Baylor, TCU and Oklahoma State to finish at….

8 – 4

…on the year which is exactly what….

Larry Harmon

…could have finished coaching the Oklahoma Sooners in 2015…8 and Freaking 4!


7.  George O’Leary, UCF vs. Houston – Sometimes you just have to laugh at the Complete Damn Stupidity of college head coaches like this one from UCF head coach George O’Leary….

UCF coach George O’Leary says he won’t release his contract to public, Orlando Sentinel

….like what George O’Leary’s precious ass makes coaching some backwater university in central Florida matters but then this is the same George O’Leary who was hired by Notre Dame but never Damn coached a football game for the Irish because he was LYING on his resume so if the…

Total Piece of Shit George O’Leary is Too Much of A Coward

…to release his contract when he works for a public university funded by state taxpayers where a football team would not exist except for the University of Central Florida existing as a public institution of higher learning then one has to wonder what one can get away with in Florida but then a few Coaches Hot Seat members lived in Florida while serving in the US Navy and there is NOT an amount of money on this Earth that could get us to live in the Sunshine State again!

Getting back to Super Secret George O’Leary whose football team is now sitting on a record of 0 – 7 and still has to play…

At Cincinnati
At Tulsa
East Carolina
South Florida

…here’s to hoping that Super Secret George O’Leary’s football team loses ALL of its remaining five football games and put-up a BIG O-FER on the board for 2015 which is then followed by someone at UCF coming to their senses and firing George O’Leary’s Sorry Ass in late November!

8.  Mike Riley, Nebraska vs. Northwestern – A very good case could be made that if Mike Riley was just a slightly better football coach the Huskers would be…

7 – 0

…right now instead of 3 – 4 but then we learned a Helluva long time ago that the differences between….

A Bad…An Average…A Good…A Very Good…and A Great Football Coach

…are often very tiny but also very discernible at the same time and our opinion of Mike Riley during his two stints at Oregon State having seen Riley coach from the stands, from luxury suites, from press boxes and from the sideline that Riley is somewhere between….

An Average and A Good Football Coach

….and thus in many ways Nebraska at 3 – 4 right now is what An Average to A Good Football Coach would be after 7 games playing Nebraska’s schedule this season.

Up next for Nebraska….a game against a Northwestern team that is a Total and Complete Freefall that seems to have not blocked anyone since the win against Stanford in the opening week of the season and also looks to us to be on the verge of…

Quitting Completely on Pat Fitzgerald

…and if Northwestern does lie down and quit against Nebraska on Saturday Pat Fitzgerald will find his precious ass with his QUITTING football team right back on the Hot Seat!

PaulRhoads83883 (1)

9.  Paul Rhoads, Iowa State vs. Baylor – Hell, who are we kidding…Iowa State CANNOT beat Baylor in Waco or Baylor in other place on the Earth for that matter so that means the Cyclones will be 2 – 5 on Saturday night with the Texas Longhorns coming to their place on Halloween!

Coach Hard Paul Rhoads….Coach Very Damn Hard Son Because You Have Nothing To Lose!


10.  Al Golden, Miami vs. Clemson – F. Scott Fitzgerald of Great Gatsby fame once said that…

“There are no second acts in American life.”

….but Miami head coach Al Golden has a GOLDEN opportunity on Saturday with a home game against Clemson to FLIP the current consensus that his time at Miami has been a HUGE FLOP with win over the Tigers and Hell we see No Damn Reason why the Hurricanes don’t come out and play like Hell against Clemson since Al Golden and Miami have nothing to lose!

The latest we are hearing from South Florida: It’s ACC Coastal Division Champs or BUST for Al Golden at Miami so YES that means Clemson is a CANNOT LOSE game for the Hurricanes and Al!

11.  Mike MacIntyre, Colorado vs. Oregon State –In three seasons as the head coach at Colorado Mike MacIntyre has posted a record in Pac-12 Conference play of…

1 – 20

….and either Mike MacIntyre will start winning some Pac-12 football games or Colorado will find itself a new head football coach…..PERIOD.

With what games Colorado has left on its schedule…

At Oregon State
At Washington State
At Utah

….Oregon State looks like CU’s best chance to get a win in Pac-12 play this season which is a STUNNING thing to write as one realizes just how far Colorado football has fallen in recent years which has been a Helluva long fall!

12.  Paul Johnson, Georgia Tech vs. FSU – If Georgia Tech loses to Florida State on Saturday the Yellow Jackets will fall to 2 – 6 on the season and still will have to play games against…

At Virginia
Virginia Tech
At Miami

….and face the very REAL possibility that they will not go to a bowl game in 2015! From semi-favorites to win the ACC Conference in 2015 to not making a bowl game…Hell…that sounds like Auburn!

13.  Derek Mason, Vanderbilt vs. Missouri – In his second season as the head coach at Vanderbilt Derek Mason has posted a record in SEC Conference play of…

0 – 11

….after taking over a Vandy team that under previous head coach James Franklin posted SEC records over three seasons of…

2 – 6
5 – 3
4 – 4

Overall SEC: 11 – 13

….which means Bottom-Line Derek Mason better Damn start winning some SEC games starting with a home game this Saturday against Missouri!

Come on Derek Mason…you can win this Damn football game!


14.  Mike London, Virginia vs. North Carolina – Even after a great win in overtime against Syracuse in Week 7 Mike London and Virginia have to get right back at in Week 8 with a tough game on the road against North Carolina which for Damn sure is a…..


…because a loss in this spot would drop the Cavs to 2 – 5 on the season in a season when it’s…

Get to. 500-plus and a bowl game or bust for Mike London!

Good Luck against the Tar Heels Mike!


15.  Frank Beamer, Virginia Tech vs. Duke – We just laugh at people when we hear them say things like….

“X Coach has the right to coach at Y School for as long as he wants because of…”

…..what…something he did in the past?

Please….in the REAL World employers don’t give TWO RIPS what you did a decade ago, a year ago or yesterday for that matter because the Only Damn Thing that matter is what you are doing…


…and RIGHT NOW Frank Beamer’s Hokies are sitting on a record of….

3 – 4

…and have to play a very tough team in Duke on Saturday in Blacksburg. A loss to Duke would drop Va. Tech to 3 – 5 and we don’t see a chance in Hell that the Hokies would win 3 of their last 4 games against…

At Boston College
At Georgia Tech
North Carolina
At Virginia

….to get to 6 wins in 2015 and can Frank Beamer survive a losing season to return to coach Va. Tech in 2016?

If he can then we will know for sure…..Virginia Tech does not exist in the REAL WORLD!

16.  Kevin Wilson, Indiana vs. Michigan State – Yes….the Indiana Hoosiers can beat what is a very vulnerable and what looks like to us very AVERAGE Michigan State team on Saturday especially if the Hoosiers can hang 40-plus points on the Spartans especially since MSU hasn’t scored 40-plus points this season.

Yes…for Kevin Wilson and the 4 – 3 Indiana Hoosiers Michigan State is certainly a…



17.  Butch Jones, Tennessee vs. Alabama – Not that we give Tennessee much chance to beat Alabama on Saturday in Tuscaloosa, but for Damn sure the Vols are roughly equal to Arkansas and not that far behind Ole Miss and those two teams didn’t do too badly in T-Town this season so maybe Tennessee can put a scare in Bama…and maybe they can’t….so that makes this Alabama game not much a…


…but rather a…

Hell…We Would Love To Win This Game over Bama…Game

…for Butch Jones and his Tennessee football team.


Memo to Butch Jones:  A couple of decades ago two Coaches Hot Seat members were in a US Navy surface warfare training class on how the US Navy surface fleet would fight the Soviets if a war broke out (this was before the Berlin Wall came down in November 1989) and what the US Navy taught us was that Soviets were very regimented and very by the book in how they went about doing things and that the best way to defeat them was to surprise them by doing things that were not only unexpected but also pissed them off in the process. Since the 2008 season forward at Alabama Nick Saban has lost 12 football games and in each of those games the opposing coach and team did things that make Nick Saban and his football team very uncomfortable….as opposed to Mark Richt who makes it as easy as Hell on Saban and Bama…..and that is the way you beat Nick Saban and Alabama:

You make Nick Saban and Alabama uncomfortable

You piss Nick Saban and Alabama off

Nick Saban and then his football team get tight and they start making mistakes

You beat Nick Saban and Alabama

At the end of one of our surface warfare training sessions a retired US Navy Captain who was the Commanding Officer of several ships during the Cold War came in for a question and answer period and someone asked this retired Captain how best to deal with the Soviets when coming into contact with them at sea and his response was:

“Soviet Navy commanding officers are taught that Americans are kind of crazy and that they will often do unpredictable things and even though they are taught that the unknown of just what crazy thing you might do as an opposing commanding officer scares them the most and that unpredictability is what makes the American warriors such a Helluva tough adversary to beat. Scare the Hell out of Soviets and keep them off balance…that’s what you should do when you come into contact with Soviets at sea.”

Scare the Hell out of Nick Saban and Alabama Butch Jones if you want to beat the Tide in Tuscaloosa!


18.  Nick Saban, Alabama vs. Tennessee – No….Tennessee is not a CANNOT LOSE Game for Nick Saban and Alabama BUT on a related note we here at Coaches Hot Seat keep our eyes and ears open and our contacts close meaning decision-makers across the game of football in America could be talking to someone that we have taken to lunch, or done a favor for, or are just good friends with and from our contacts we get LOTS of great information throughout the year with 99% of that info NEVER making it into the Coaches Hot Seat Blog but we will say in this spot on the subject of Nick Saban it’s our opinion here at Coaches Hot Seat:

There is a 50-50 chance at least this is Nick Saban’s last season at Alabama and that Saban will take an NFL job in December if the right team makes the right job offer at the right price with the below NFL teams being places that Saban would consider if the right job offer with the right price was made which is in our opinion something like….

Almost if not Total Control of Team and Front Office


$8 to $10 Million A Year for 7 Years

…and the NFL teams that could offer above to Saban in our opinion are:

Jacksonville Jaguars
Washington Redskins
Tennessee Titans
Indianapolis Colts
New York Giants
San Francisco 49ers
Los Angeles Rams
Detroit Lions
Cleveland Browns

In our opinion Nick Saban would consider working for the following NFL teams in order of preference based upon our best guess:

New York Giants
Tennessee Titans
Indianapolis Colts
Los Angeles Rams

Why would Nick Saban consider leaving a perfect situation at Alabama to coach in the NFL again?

Well…Hell…Saban has won THREE National Titles at Alabama and ONE National Title at LSU and no matter what happens at Alabama this season it’s our opinion that Nick Saban would like to hoist this trophy as well before he’s done coaching:

Lombardi Trophy Football

If we were Nick Saban we would take the New York Giants job over any of the above and then the Tennessee Titans next…and after that both the management and ownership get a little shaky for the Colts and Rams so some serious contract work would have to be done before we would either Indianapolis or Los Angeles.

Oh…and Good Luck against Tennessee on Saturday Nick!

Norm Chow

19.  Norm Chow, Hawaii vs. Nevada – In four seasons as the head coach at Hawaii Norm Chow has posted a record in Mountain West Conference play of…

4 – 23

…and a game at Nevada is a good of a place as any for the Warriors to start winning some MWC games under Norm Chow….right?



20.  Bobby Petrino, Louisville vs. Boston College – With the Complete Freaking Disaster that is now underway at Louisville with its basketball program one has to think that someone at Louisville must be thinking something like…

Maybe we shouldn’t have hired Bobby Petrino after that Arkansas incident

….but then maybe not but for Damn sure with the Cardinals football team now sitting at 2 – 4 on the season and still having to play games against….

Boston College
At Wake Forest
At Pitt
At Kentucky

…..a loss to BC on Saturday and Louisville will have a very hard time making it to a bowl game in Petrino’s second season back the second-time around.

YES…Boston College is a CANNOT LOSE Game for Bobby Petrino and Louisville!

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