It’s hard to believe that we now have 7 weeks in the books of the 2019 College Football Season but here we are and let’s bring out the Great Johnny Cash to give these Hot Seat Coaches Hell!
Thank You Johnny!
1. Lovie Smith, Illinois – There is a deeply troubling problem in college football today and that problem is Athletic Directors that listen to the agents of coaches telling that they should consider “X Coach” for “Y Job” and there is not an Athletic Director with a 2+ IQ that would possibly listen to a coach’s agent on anything beyond telling him what the school was willing to offer a coach and yet here we are….
Lovie Smith is the head football coach of the University of Illinois football team and in 4 years on the job Lovie has posted records of >
Overall: 11 – 31
Big Ten: 4 – 26
Why exactly Lovie Smith was hired as the head coach at Illinois when he spent the vast majority of his coaching career in the NFL is hard for us to fathom unless you understand this >
There are a Helluva Lot of Stupid As Hell Athletic Directors that actually listen to the agents of coaches when making coach hiring decisions.
Memo to You Stupid As Hell Athletic Directors and You Know Who You Are: YOU decide who you are going to hire as the head coach of your football program and then call the agent to set-up an interview and don’t listen to agents…agents are salesman and only want you to hire the coach and if your ass gets rolled by a coach’s agent that leads you to hiring a coach that his not remotely qualified to coach your school’s football team do you know what that makes you?
Stupid As Hell!
Getting back to Lovie Smith who was not remotely qualified to be a college head football coach the Illini are now 2 – 4 on the season after the loss to Michigan and those 2 wins are over >
What is the combined record of Akron and UConn you ask?
1 – 11
Oh…Lovie Smith wasn’t when he was hired and is not today remotely qualified to be a college head football coach…PERIOD!
At 2 – 4 the Illini have left to play in 2019 >
At Michigan State
Save Rutgers and Northwestern which the Little Sisters of the Poor, Blind, and Deaf football team could beat the Illini will not win another game in 2019 and that makes the best case scenario for Lovie Smith in his 4th year on the job at Illinois >
4 – 8
Oh….Lovie Smith is not today and NEVER will be remotely qualified to be a head coach in college football….as for the NFL…we would probably give Lovie a look if we at a place had decent defensive players but in college?
Forget about it!
2. Clay Helton, USC – We thought Georgia was a decent football team which Notre Dame gave a good game but after finding out that Georgia is coached by someone in Kirby Smart that is Lazy As Hell and is unwilling to get his football team ready to play football for a home SEC game in our humble opinion…more on Lazy As Hell Kirby Smart in a moment….maybe the Irish aren’t that great and maybe USC isn’t very good either…but then we already knew that!
Here are the Facts of Life at USC: As a new head football coach you have about 15 games to get things at USC rolling and Clay Helton starting off 12 – 3 in this first 15 games at USC in his first two full years on the job was pretty good but in Helton’s last 19 games he has now posted a record of….
8 – 11
Sorry but an 8 – 11 record in any stretch of losing games over a 5+ game stretch at USC is Totally Damn Unacceptable and when you get the USC football program rolling you either keep the USC football program rolling or you will be fired as soon as it stops rolling and USC football…is almost at a Complete Stop now!
USC is now 3 – 3 on the season and have left to play in 2019 >
At Arizona State
That looks like 2, 3, maybe 4 more wins for USC in 2019 and even 7 – 5 by the Trojans in Clay Helton’s 4th full year on the job means that USC will be looking for a new head football coach come early December but then most everyone knows that by now….don’t you?
We might consider hiring Clay Helton at another school on a lower level and maybe Clay can reinvent himself like Sonny Dykes is doing at SMU right now after getting fired at California and with that in mind Helton is conducting an interview of sorts over these last 6 games for ADs out there that will be looking to hire a coach in a couple of months!
3. Chad Morris, Arkansas – Arkansas played a decent game against a very average Kentucky football team that has been decimated by losses to the NFL and injuries but came up short again and now Morris’ records at Arkansas stand at:
Overall: 4 – 14
SEC: 0 – 11
Geez…that’s not good but take a look at this Stunning Number >
Going back to the 2012 season when John L. Smith coached the Razorbacks the Arkansas record in SEC Conference play is…wait for it…
13 – 46
That’s right…Arkansas has won 13 SEC Conference games in the last 8 seasons for an average of…
1.33 SEC Conference Wins A Year!
Got that now Kansas AD Jeff Long was nothing short of a Total Disaster for Arkansas Football because Jeff also gets credit for hiring Bobby Petrino who we would not hire to Shovel Shit in South Georgia or even to clean the shovels for the people we might hire to Shovel Shit in South Georgia?
Yep…Jeff Long was just a Total Disaster for Arkansas Football and we don’t expect any different at Kansas!
Getting back to Chad Morris and the 2019 Arkansas Razorbacks the 2 – 4 Hogs have left in 2019 >
Mississippi State is totally imploding so that could be a Win but Western Kentucky is playing pretty good football now under Clay Helton’s brother Tyson so what….Arkansas will finish with a 3 or 4 win season maybe under Chad Morris?
Got nothing short of a Freaking Disaster in Fayetteville?
4. Chip Kelly, UCLA – As one UCLA alum buddy of ours described the feeling among the UCLA folks he knows about the Bruins football program >
“It feels like we have been circling a black hole for awhile now knowing that the black hole is going to suck us in and we just wish it would go ahead and crush us to atoms and get it over with because what’s going on right now is nothing short of Hell!”
That Hell looks like this with Chip Kelly’s current records at UCLA:
Overall: 4 – 14
Pac-12: 4 – 8
The good news is that the 1 – 5 Bruins play Stanford this coming Thursday night and if they can score 30+ points they just might be able to get a second win in 2019 but with these games remaining….
…if the Bruins don’t beat Stanford we don’t see them winning another game this season.
Looks like the entry into that black hole could be coming soon and not a moment too soon!
We will be hosting some our UCLA buddies on The Farm this coming week on Thursday night for the Bruins – Cardinal game and it will be fascinating to see what direction things should go if things continue to fall apart in Westwood and the Stanford game will be the game that will Tell The Tale so Let’s Play Some Football on Thursday night!
5. Joe Moorhead, Mississippi State – We were quite alarmed when we saw Kansas State totally manhandle Mississippi State earlier this year in Starkville but after losses to Auburn and now a Tennessee team that lost to Georgia State and BYU we don’t think one could find a Softer Team in America than these Bulldogs who look to us like the Ultra Charmin that you pay a couple of extra bucks for in the grocery store!
Joe Moorhead or Fordham Joe as he is known around Coaches Hot Seat because of Joe’s 4 years coaching the Rams where he posted a decent record of 38 – 13….but then the Patriot League isn’t the SEC and that’s the problem here…isn’t it?
Fordham Joe’s records at Mississippi State now stand at…
Overall: 11 – 8
SEC: 5 – 6
…and the 3 – 3 Bulldogs still have to play in 2019 games against >
At Texas A&M
Of course the SEC has a Big Fat Cupcake right before the rivalry game for Mississippi State so the Bulldogs will get 4 wins and they should be able to beat Arkansas which lost to San Jose State at home but where will they get at other win to get at least…
I am Average As Hell and Bowl Eligible at 6 – 6?
We don’t know and if Fordham Joe doesn’t win 6 games in his 2nd year after taking over a Top 25 Mississippi State program from Dan Mullen then in our opinion Fordham Joe AND anyone and everyone involved in bringing him to Starkville should be FIRED!
Just our humble opinion!
6. Kalani Sitake, BYU – BYU is such a secretive institution and our Mormon friends are not really into gossip or running down their coach to non-Mormons but we can tell you they are frustrated and a little down after BYU went to Tampa and lost to a really average South Florida team this past Saturday and now Cougs head coach Kalani Sitake’s record at BYU stands at:
Overall: 22 – 23
Not good…not good at all…and now the 2 – 4 Cougs have games left in 2019 of…
At Utah State
At San Diego State
If you can’t beat South Florida then you are not beating Boise State and more than likely not beating Utah State…nor Liberty probably…nor San Diego State and that means that the record in 2019 is going to look like 4 – 8, or 5 – 7, or 6 – 6 and this is Kalani Sitake’s 4th year at BYU.
Not good…not good at all.
7. Willie Taggart, Florida State – It was reported over the weekend that if Willie Taggart is fired after this season that he will be owed $17 Million-Plus Dollars by FSU and we cannot help but wonder >
Who in the Hell was interested in hiring Willie Taggart after one season at Oregon where he posted a 7 – 6 record to justify Willie getting such a lucrative contract?
The answer to that question would be NO ONE which brings us to this >
Just how Damn Stupid are the people at Florida State University to agree to such a deal?
Very Damn Stupid People is the answer to that question and that is important because FSU just got beat 45 – 14 by Clemson to fall to 3 – 3 on the season and they have games left against…
At Wake Forest
At Boston College
Alabama State will be a win…we think…so can FSU find 2 more wins out of those remaining 5 games to at least get to…
I am Average As Hell and Bowl Eligible at 6 – 6?
If not it would be worth every penny of that $17M+ to fire Willie Taggart!
8. Jeremy Pruitt, Tennessee – Tennessee finally got a win over an FBS team on Saturday but then that was over Mississippi State and there are at least a dozen junior college football teams that could travel to Starkville and whip the Hell out of the Mississippi State Charmin Non-Bulldogs so it’s back to Big Boy Football with these games coming up for the 2 – 4 Vols >
There are a few hundred high school football teams in America that could whip Vandy so that should be a win but will Tennessee win another game in 2019 besides Vandy?
Maybe…maybe they can beat South Carolina, UAB, or Kentucky….but maybe not as well and there’s the problem…
No one really knows what to make of Tennessee Football and that’s because there’s no one LEADING Tennessee Football right now….in our humble opinion!
9. Jimbo Fisher, Texas A&M – The following comment from a Houston resident and long-time Texas A&M alum sums up the feeling of many Aggies with Jimbo Fisher 19 games into his tenure in College Station >
“We did not agree to give Jimbo $75 million dollars for him to be Kevin Sumlin-lite and right now it looks like this football program is going backwards not forwards from where it was under Sumlin.”
Hmmmm…..so Jimbo Fisher has now coached Texas A&M for 19 games and his overall record stands at…
12 – 7
And Kevin Sumlin’s record after 19 games coaching the Aggies was….
16 – 3
Please now…can someone tell us why in the Hell that Texas A&M is paying Jimbo Fisher $7.5 million dollars a year when they could hired any Stumblebum that fell of a train going thru College Station and he too also after getting a shower, a hot meal or two, and some hot coffee could have also be sitting on record after 19 games of…
12 – 7?
Oh…what about Jimbo’s record in SEC play in Aggieland >
6 – 5
And Kevin Sumlin’s record in SEC play after 11 games with the Aggies was…
8 – 3
Come now…let’s cut the Horseshit on Jimbo Fisher and start holding accountable all the folks that thought they were geniuses in bring Jimbo to College Station which it seems that some Aggies are starting to realize with our buddy also saying about Jimbo if he doesn’t get things rolling and rolling soon >
“If Jimbo cannot even hit Sumlin’s win/loss marks then we will run him right out of College Station and Jimbo’s legacy will be the total dumpster fire he left behind in Tallahassee and then getting his ass run out of Aggieland.”
The 3 – 3 Aggies now have left on their schedule games against…
At Ole Miss
Texas San Antonio
Can the Aggies even find 3 more wins this season?
Maybe…Maybe Not…but if A&M doesn’t win 6 games in 2019 then Jimbo Fisher will be given a check and 30 minutes to get his shit together and get his ass out of College Station and thus we highly recommend Jimbo beat Ole Miss in Oxford on Saturday or it’s gonna get Mighty Damn Uncomfortable in Aggieland!
Oh that $60M left on Jimbo’s contract…evidently our Aggie buddies could raise that in less than 15 minutes and Jimbo would be on his way!
10. Kirby Smart, Georgia – We have contacts at about 50 FBS schools around America and we have a good friend that works at the University of Georgia going back to the earliest days of Mark Richt’s tenure in Athens and this fellow has passed along a lot of great info on Georgia Football over the years….and 95% of it we have never written about…at least directly….but we talked to our Athens buddy last week and he says to us…
“It feels like Kirby and the football team are just going through the motions this week not that it will matter against South Carolina. Aren’t we like 21 point favorites or something in this game?”
Yep….Georgia was a 21 point favorite at home against South Carolina and in our humble opinion…
Kirby Smart and his coaches took last week off thinking they could easily beat South Carolina and it is also our opinion that Smart had no interest in laying a beatdown on his good friend Will Muschamp and it was THAT that led to Georgia getting its ass handed to them on their homefield which means…
Kirby Smart totally failed himself, the University of Georgia, the fans of Georgia Football, and most importantly the Georgia Football team because he was a Lazy Ass last week…in our humble opinion…and didn’t properly get his team ready to play South Carolina.
Now…we just did a comparison between Kevin Sumlin and Jimbo Fisher at Texas A&M so let’s look at a comparison between Mark Richt and Kirby Smart thru 48 games at Georgia >
Kirby Smart = 37 – 11
Mark Richt = 39 – 9
Hmmmm….so Mark Richt was fired to hire Kirby Smart and Smart has a worse record than Richt and more importantly…
His Lazy Ass just took a week off and he didn’t get his team ready to play a 21-point underdog in a game at home….in our humble opinion?
What does Georgia have with Kirby Smart exactly?
To us it looks like they have a very good recruiter who makes a Helluva Lot of Gameday mistakes and Preparation mistakes and now the pressure is really about to be turned up with Georgia having perhaps the most talent in America and the 5 – 1 Bulldogs have left in 2019 >
Florida – Jacksonville
At Georgia Tech
Will Kirby Smart have Georgia ready to play Kentucky on Saturday or the games against Florida, Mizzou, Auburn, Texas A&M, at Georgia Tech?
No one knows…and that’s the problem and if Georgia does drop 1 or 2 more games down the stretch with a Massive Talent Advantage in every one of those games then someone in Athens will have to ask the question >
Why in the Hell is Kirby Smart the head football coach at Georgia?