24 College Football Head Coaches That CANNOT LOSE In Week THREE – Sing It Steely Dan…Deacon Blues…Deacon Blues!
“They got a name for the winners in the world….I want a name when I lose…they call Alabama the Crimson Tide….call me Deacon Blues…Deacon Blues.”
Enjoy the GREAT Steely Dan singing Deacon Blues!
1. Bobby Petrino, Louisville vs. Clemson – After a 9 – 4 first season Louisville HC Bobby Petrino is very close to having his Cardinals football team go off the tracks after opening the 2015 season with losses to Auburn and Houston and with the mighty Clemson Tigers coming to town who could leave Louisville with a BIG…
0 – 3
…on the board with 7 ACC games remaining to be played and a game against Kentucky in Lexington to end the season. There will ALWAYS be more pressure on Bobby Petrino because of his past coaching and personal incidents and a loss to Clemson on Thursday night will see a return of Bobby Petrino to the Hot Seat where he will be joining his brother Paul Petrino the head coach at Idaho!
2. Randy Edsall, Maryland vs. South Florida – Randy Edsall got his ass off the Hot Seat in 2014 with a record of 7 – 5 before getting destroyed in the bowl game against Stanford BUT Edsall will be heading back to the Hot Seat if he cannot get his team refocused and ready to play South Florida after the Terps got whipped by MAC Conference team Bowling Green in Week 2. It’s all very simple for Randy Edsall…to stay off the Hot Seat Maryland team MUST beat South Florida who has a head coach in Willie Taggart who has his own Hot Seat problems and who is in desperate need of some wins also right now! Come on Willie Taggart…get off your ass and get YOUR Bulls to start winning some football games!
3. Bob Stoops, Oklahoma vs. Tulsa – Yes, it was precious watching Bob Stoops crow about his used-to-be mighty Sooners having to storm back to beat a middling SEC team in Tennessee that had a head coach in Butch Jones that coached the last three quarters of that game like a COWARD but then why don’t we let Bob and Mike Stoops crow a bit since after all…
Baylor now routinely treats the Oklahoma like a red-headed stepchild!
Memo to Bob Stoops: Most Big 12 Head Coaches don’t coach like Butch Jones…..COWARDLY….so don’t expect to come roaring back in games when you get into Big 12 Conference play this season son!
As for Tulsa….we cannot imagine that Oklahoma could lose this game with Tulsa having a new head coach and all….but with the Stoops Boys these days one never knows and if the Sooners come out un-focused after their “Big” win over Tennessee…one never knows!
Just don’t lose to Tulsa Bob because a loss would have your ass roaring back up the Coaches Hot Seat Rankings just like the Sooners roared back against Tennessee and their COWARDLY coach last Saturday!
4. Frank Beamer, Virginia Tech vs. Purdue – In the 12 football seasons between 1999 and 2011 Virginia Tech under Frank Beamer won 10 or more games…
…and won 11 games…
…BUT over the past three seasons the Hokies under Beamer have put-up records of…
2012: 7 – 6
2013: 8 – 5
2014: 7 – 6
…and if that is acceptable to the fans of Virginia Tech football then Virginia Tech football is about one thing and one thing only…
Being Very Damn Average!
The above is why this game at Purdue is a CRITICAL game for Frank Beamer and the Hokies to win because if the Hokies lose to a Purdue football team that has won…
4 Football Games
….the last TWO seasons then it will truly be OVER for Frank Beamer in Blacksburg…..right? RIGHT!
5. Darrell Hazell, Purdue vs. Virginia Tech – We said it before and we will say it again the Purdue football team that lost to Marshall in Week 1 looked like a much-improved team over 2014 and frankly we will be SHOCKED if the Boilermakers lose to a stumbling and bumbling Virginia Tech football team this Saturday but then we have been shocked many Damn times before in our short lives on this Earth!
Very Damn Simply….Virginia Tech is a CRITICAL game for Darrell Hazell and the Boilermakers to win especially with a game against Bowling Green in Week 4 and Big Ten Conference play beginning on October 3 at Michigan State! Just Damn CRITICAL!
6. Brian Kelly, Notre Dame vs. Georgia Tech – Brian Kelly was lucky to get out of Charlottesville with a win and not find his ass scalding at the top of the Coaches Hot Seat Rankings which is where Kelly’s ass would have been with an Irish loss to Virginia and now the pressure is on again in Week 3 because if Notre Dame truly is a…
“College Football Playoff Contender”
…as Brian Kelly seems to believe then for Damn sure the Irish shouldn’t lose to a Georgia Tech team in South Bend…right? RIGHT!
With games remaining at Clemson, Navy, USC, at Temple, at Pitt, Boston College and at Stanford the Irish have very little margin for error especially when Brian Kelly is another 4-plus loss season from finding his ass out of a job in South Bend!
7. Mike Riley, Nebraska vs. Miami – As Bo Pelini said in 2011 after Nebraska came back to beat Ohio State….
“Our crowd. What a bunch of f-ing fair-weather fucking—they can all kiss my ass out the f-ing door. ‘Cause the day is f-ing coming now. We’ll see what they can do when I’m f-ing gone. I’m so f-ing pissed off.”
…we are all going to get to see what Nebraska can do with Pelini’s “ass out the f-ing door” and since Bo Pelini spent a good deal of time on the Hot Seat over the past SEVEN seasons even while putting up a lot of..
9 – 4 like records
….the standard for Mike Riley is very simple…
Either EXCEED Bo Pelini’s performance at Nebraska or your “Golly Geez Whiz Mr. McGoo” persona will find it’s ass on the Hot Seat Mike Riley in the same way Bo Pelini’s ass did during his time in Lincoln.
YES…beating Miami is Very Damn Important for Mike Riley and Mike Riley knows it!
8. Al Golden, Miami vs. Nebraska – We made another call down to our buddies in South Florida in the last couple of days and asked again…
“How many wins does Al Golden need this season to return in 2016?”
South Florida Buddies Response = “9….maybe 10 wins….and Miami better not lose to Duke!”
Hmmm….”9 or 10 wins and Miami better not lose to Duke” means that with Miami now sitting at 2 – 0 and 10 games left on the board Al Golden needs 7 or 8 more wins playing 10 these games….
At Florida State
At North Carolina
Since we are talking about the Miami Hurricanes here…”The U”….we see no Damn reason at all why Al Golden in his FIFTH season at Miami cannot win…
10 Regular Season Games in 2015…..PERIOD!
9. Les Miles, LSU vs. Auburn – LSU looked so bad at times in 2014 that a win over Mississippi State which used to close to an AUTOMATIC WIN for the LSU Tigers was received with a sigh of relief in Bayou Country and now with Auburn on the ropes and another loss from going into a Complete Tailspin (more on Auburn and Gus Malzahn in a moment) there is a chance that LSU could beat Auburn in Baton Rouge and roll through their next 5 games to be 7 – 0 when they go to play Alabama in Tuscaloosa on November 7!
On the other side of that coin though which we call the Les Miles Roaring Hot Seat Side of the coin if LSU does somehow lose to an Auburn team that looks to be in Complete Disarray right now Les Miles can expect to wake-up Monday morning and see his mug and ass on a Raging Hot Seat!
10. Gus Malzahn, Auburn vs. LSU – A few years ago someone asked a Coaches Hot Seat member:
“Why do you guys do that Quotes of the Day thing with famous people on your website?”
The Coaches Hot Seat member responded by saying:
“Nothing wrong with getting a little education on great people along the way especially considering how little folks read these days.”
With the above in mind we are going to give a little education to Auburn head coach Gus Malzahn who we think a lot of here at Coaches Hot Seat before he finds his ass on the Hot Seat which is where Malzahn’s ass will be if the Auburn Tigers lose to LSU on Saturday.
As has been written about in the Coaches Hot Seat Blog a few times we had a lot of interest in the up-tempo offense that Gus Malzahn and many other high school and now college…and even one NFL coach…have brought to the game of football and one Coaches Hot Seat member has been watching the Auburn offense very closely in recent years both when Malzahn was the offensive coordinator and head coach at the school, and from that watching of the Auburn offense he produced a paper this past Summer that he distributed to all Coaches Hot Seat members that is titled:
“The Gus Malzahn Offense at Auburn: As Predictable As the Sun Coming Up in the East”
What the Hell does the above title mean and what is in that paper on The Gus Malzahn Offense at Auburn exactly?
Well….we can’t say exactly what is in that paper but one can probably discern from the title that if a Coaches Hot Seat member spending approximately 50 hours over a year can come up with some very clear tendencies of Gus Malzahn’s offense that opposing coaches with people on staff making collectively Millions of Dollars a year can come up with a Helluva lot of tendencies also!
To that point let’s go to a lesson from long ago from the Late Great Bill Walsh which is of course paraphrased since it was a Helluva long time ago:
“Boys, tell me what this word is with three letters missing:
P E A _ _ _
Yes, that’s right it’s P E A N U T.
OK, let’s try another word…tell me what this word is with four letters missing:
A I R P _ _ _ _
Right again…the word is A I R P L A N E.
Now, how do you think your mind was able to figure out those words with the missing letters so quickly and what the Hell does that have to do with calling offensive plays?
Yes…the human mind is wired to fill-in blanks and notice tendencies quickly based upon past experiences which goes back to the caveman days when a caveman would be in great danger if he was not able to think quickly on his feet and deal with his changing circumstances and environment. Likewise an offensive playcaller must be able to think quickly on his feet and deal with the changing circumstances and environment of a football game but the very thing that makes human beings so successful is also a great liability because human beings also will have great tendencies that they will go back to time and time again when confronted with the same situation and unless a football team is superior to another team and can overwhelm it with talent, power and strength it will be those tendencies of the offensive playcaller that can do great damage to a team’s chances to win the game.”
What the Hell exactly does all of the above mean?
Let’s go to an article in the New York Times from December 1996 that quoted Bill Walsh extensively on the importance of offensive play-calling and see if we can give a little help to Gus Malzahn down on The Plains of southeast Alabama:
The ABC’s of X’s and O’s: The Art of Play-Calling in the N.F.L., Thomas George, New York Times
‘The coach making the calls must have full command of all of the plays,” said Bill Walsh, who won three Super Bowls with the San Francisco 49ers, in part because he was a master of the play-calling trade. He currently is in the Hall of Fame and is back with the 49ers as an administrative assistant. One of his key roles this season, in fact, has been fine-tuning the 49ers’ play-calling.
”The coach must be well-grounded,” Walsh continued. ”When I was calling the plays early in my career as an assistant with a passing background for the Cincinnati Bengals, I used to fight tooth and nail right there on the sidelines with running backs coach Bill Johnson. He wanted to call all runs. If it was left up to me, we’d be dropping back there and throwing downfield all of the time. That taught me something. If you get a coach calling the plays who’s trying to prove his philosophies in his area, you’re in trouble.”
If the play-caller cannot make adjustments on the fly, trouble also lurks.
”I was also an assistant with the Raiders and we were playing Denver,” Walsh said. ”Denver blitzed on every play. Tom Flores was our quarterback. He hit maybe 6 out of 20 passes for 160 yards. But he hit four long touchdown passes and we won, 28-0. That game left a mark on me, because we hadn’t planned it or practiced it that way. That’s showing adaptability to what defenses are trying to do to you.””
We will assume that all of the above makes sense to anyone that coaches in or follows the Great Game of Football but let’s go to the MONEY quotes in this New York Times article as it pertains to what Bill Walsh always tried to impart to people on the importance of not getting too predictable when calling offensive plays since not only will opposing coaches pick-up on those tendencies before the game is played BUT well-coached players themselves will pick-up on those tendencies during the game itself!
And quoting again from the above New York Times article:
“It was Walsh who helped introduce into the pro game the concept of scripting the plays. When a play-caller scripts, he creates a list of plays — usually 15 to 25 — that he uses at the start of the game.
”Scripting is planning; it’s contingency planning,” Walsh said. ”The fewer decisions to be made during the game, the better. You don’t want to live by your instincts. It’s isolating each situation that comes up and establishing what comes up.”
In essence, scripting plays does two things: 1) It forces an offense to implement what it has practiced during the week and 2) It focuses on your strengths, regardless of what the defense is doing. As many as eight current N.F.L. teams, most of them led by former Walsh assistant coaches, now script plays, usually the first 15 of the game.
”It takes real nerve,” Walsh said. ”If things aren’t working, you can lose your nerve. The script makes you stay in the game plan and make it work. I often did the first 25. So, I did less thinking in the early stages of the game and I’d be less nervous. I would have check points for the defense. This way, I could orchestrate the first quarter of the game. I was able to initiate my plan. On third-and-1, for example, I’d go off that list to a short-yardage list. Then I’d go back to the script.
”You make much better decisions on Thursdays and Fridays than you do on Sundays. If anybody thinks they can make all of the decisions on Sundays, then that person often is simply hoping to be lucky.””
No…an offensive playcaller doesn’t have to script plays to open a game to be successful BUT a head coach and/or whoever is calling the offensive plays must be very aware of how easy it is to get into the same situation over and over again and often calling the same or a very similar play over and over again and in an age when very little escapes notice those tendencies will not only be noticed they will be exploited by your opponent and in our opinion the very obvious playcalling tendencies of Gus Malzahn’s offense at Auburn is a big reason why Malzahn is 10 – 6 in his last 16 games at Auburn with that on the verge of moving to 10 – 7 with a loss to LSU.
Memo to Gus Malzahn: What is this word Gus that is missing three letters?
O B V I _ _ _
O B V I O U S
…as is your offense at Auburn!
Lose to LSU and expect to find your ass on the Hot Seat come Monday morning Gus!
11. Kevin Wilson, Indiana vs. Western Kentucky – Well, this one is O B V I O U S as well because if Kevin Wilson’s Hoosiers lose to Western Kentucky on Saturday to drop to 2 – 1 on the year with a tough Big Ten Conference schedule ahead….
Well, let’s just say it would NOT BE GOOD so play hard Hoosiers!
12. Steve Spurrier, South Carolina vs. Georgia – Longtime radio show host and all around good guy along with being Steve Spurrier’s official biographer Buddy Martin appeared on the Paul Finebaum show earlier this week and said that most of all Steve Spurrier didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for Steve because of his recent troubles winning football games at South Carolina.
What the Hell?
What person with a working brain would feel sorry for Steve Spurrier who won the Heisman Trophy, played in the NFL, is in the College Football Hall of Fame and is one of the Top 10 college head coaches in the last 50 years?
Hell, we don’t feel sorry for Steve Spurrier but instead we are ready to roast Spurrier’s ass if he doesn’t get off his ass and get his South Carolina football team playing some winning football again starting with this game against Georgia in Athens on Saturday!
There is NO downside for Steve Spurrier in his current situation because even if the 2015 season imploded at South Carolina and Spurrier decided to end his legendary coaching career come December and head to beach and play golf and maybe do some TV work in around college football games life will be very good for Steve Spurrier….just as it is for Bobby Bowden right now….and life everywhere else on Earth and in the Universe will continue on whether Spurrier is on the sideline coaching games or not.
YES…we want the Ol’ Ball Coach…
Hell, Steve you are 70 so that makes you OLD!
…..to start coaching South Carolina to wins again BUT we also know that there are cemeteries all over the world filled with men and women who many thought were “indispensable” and yet the world continued on without their presence and South Carolina and College Football will continue on without Steve Spurrier if the Ol’ Ball Coach decides to do something else with his life later this year.
Hell, what about putting Steve Spurrier in the booth with Jesse Palmer and Brent Musburger to do the SEC Game of the Week on the SEC Network in 2016 and then Steve can play a lot of golf and travel around the SEC Conference each Fall talking to coaches and critiquing what they are doing right and wrong?
Hell, that sounds good to us but how about beating Georgia on Saturday Steve?
13. Mark Richt, Georgia vs. South Carolina – Oh, this one is Very Damn Simple:
IF Mark Richt and Georgia somehow lost to a reeling Ol’ Ball Coach and South Carolina on Saturday….
Welcome Back to the Hot Seat Mark Richt!
14. Todd Monken, Southern Miss vs. Texas State – It’s time…Hell, it’s way past time to get Southern Miss football back on track and a win against Texas State on a road would be a good way to get that “back on track” thing started BUT if USM loses this game….the Hot Seat only gets Hotter for Todd Monken!
15. Kliff Kingsbury, Texas Tech vs. Arkansas – This Saturday’s Arkansas game is HUGE for Kliff Kingsbury and this Texas Tech football team because if the Red Raiders were able to go into Fayetteville and avenge the loss they took to the Hogs in 2014 and get to 3 – 0 on the season that would make the game against TCU at home in Week 4 VERY DAMN HUGE because if you can beat Arkansas on the road you might just be able to beat TCU at home….right? RIGHT!
Besides…if Texas Tech beat Arkansas on Saturday we will quit calling Kliff Kingsbury PBK = Pretty Boy Kingsbury FOREVER and Hell that just by itself is worth the Texas Tech players playing like a House on Fire in this football game!
16. Bret Bielema, Arkansas vs. Texas Tech – Just a couple of weeks ago Bret Bielema was popping off about Ohio State and about every other Damn thing under the Sun but after the loss to Toledo for some Damn reason we haven’t heard much from Bret this week and we cannot figure out why!
Memo to Head Football Coaches on the Importance of Communication: In the late 1970s the Dad of a Coaches Hot Seat member was having dinner with a legendary college football coach on the West Coast and this Dad had read something in the newspaper earlier in the day about “X player” on this coach’s team and the Dad asked the coach if had meant to make such a borderline negative comment about that “X player” and the legendary coach said:
“Hell Yes, I made a point of making that comment about “X player” in that press conference and I even requested to that the reporter personally to make sure my comment about “X player” made it into the newspaper. My players are paying attention to what is being said about them in the media and often hear things better through the media than on the practice field.”
The above coach’s comment was made in the late 1970s and some 35-plus years later in the Social Media + Information Age do you think players are hearing what is said about them in the media?
Be careful what you say coaches and make sure all of your comments in the media are on target and measured well especially during the football season.
Getting back to Bret Bielema after the loss to Toledo…
Bret Bielema and Arkansas CANNOT LOSE THIS GAME…PERIOD.
17. Mike MacIntyre, Colorado vs. Colorado State – Talk about a head coach that CANNOT LOSE A GAME that would be Colorado head coach Mike MacIntyre who CANNOT LOSE to Colorado State on Saturday for so many reasons but especially because CSU has a first-year head coach in Mike Bobo and the Buffs really need this win over CSU and a win over Nicholls State in Week 4 to be 3 – 1 when they enter Pac-12 Conference play on October 3 against Oregon in Boulder.
Good Luck Mike and DON’T LOSE THIS GAME!
18. Charlie Strong, Texas vs. California – Last time we checked Texas is still Texas and NOT Louisville and since Texas is still Texas we don’t believe in these “not enough talent” excuses for Charlie Strong or anyone else that coaches the football team at the University of Texas and thus why Strong better start winning some football games and in a hurry starting with a win over California on Saturday.
Should we really expect Texas to beat California on Saturday?
HELL YES and that is because what Charlie Strong took over at Texas is no Damn worse off than what Nick Saban took over at Alabama and what was Alabama’s record in Saban’s second year at Alabama?
12 – 2
Oh, what was Alabama’s record in Nick Saban’s third year at Alabama?
14 – 0 and National Champions!
We expect no less at Texas than we would at Alabama and anyone at Texas, or around Texas, or loves Texas football shouldn’t accept anything less either and thus why it’s time for Texas football to start winning some football games starting with a win over California on Saturday which posted a record of…
5 – 7
….in 2014 so we aren’t exactly talking about Alabama coming to Austin on Saturday…right? RIGHT!
IF Texas did lose to California looking over the rest of the Horns’ schedule how many wins might Charlie Strong post in 2015?
At Iowa State
At West Virginia
Hell, if you can’t beat a mediocre California team in your home stadium in Austin just who in the Hell besides Kansas is Texas going to beat on the rest of its schedule exactly?
Geez…could Texas really go 2 – 10 or 3 – 9 in 2015?
Maybe so and if they do we will have to invent a new name for Charlie Strong’s Hot Seat Category like….
RXJ1347 = The Hottest Place in the Universe = 300 Million Degrees C!
Hottest Spot in the Universe Found, Paul Sutherland, Skymania
19. James Franklin, Penn State vs. Rutgers – With Rutgers head coach Kyle Flood being sent to the showers for three games…
Kyle Flood suspended 3 games, fined $50K for contacting professor, Adam Rittenberg, ESPN.com
…in what can only be characterized as…
“That’s just Rutgers folks!”
….a coach that CANNOT afford a loss in this spot is Penn State HC James Franklin who is coaching what seems like one of the most fragile teams in college football right now.
Penn State played a little better in Week 2 against Buffalo BUT than in their Week 1 loss to Temple which was a lot like many of Penn State’s games in 2014 when it seemed that the Penn State players were playing not aggressively but almost as if they were afraid to make a mistake that might lead to something else….perhaps them getting their ass chewed out royally maybe?
One thing for sure James Franklin’s Vanderbilt teams seemed to have a lot of fun playing football for James Franklin…just an observation from the peanut gallery here at Coaches Hot Seat….and this and last year’s Penn State teams look miserable as Hell playing for James Franklin.
20. Kirk Ferentz, Iowa vs. Pitt – It’s impossible for us to know if the 2015 Iowa football team is any good or not since the Hawkeyes have wins over Illinois State and Iowa State on the board which is like saying you beat a team slightly tougher than AIR and even in Week 3 with Pitt coming to town with a new head coach in Pat Narduzzi it’s hard to know if a win in this spot over the Panthers will be that big of a deal or not.
One Damn Thing For Sure….a loss to Pitt will send Kirk Ferentz flying BACK UP the Coaches Hot Seat Rankings!
21. David Shaw, Stanford vs. USC – The other day we posted a Stanford Athletics video of the 2009 Stanford – USC game in the LA Coliseum when the Cardinal whipped the Trojans by a score of…
55 – 21
….and many of us after watching the above video could not help but notice with how much…
Passion, Fire, Determination, Kick-Ass Intensity, Craziness, Sheer Will
…that Stanford football was playing with against USC in 2009 especially compared to the 2015 Stanford football team that was barely awake when they lost to Northwestern in the opening game of the season.
One Coaches Hot Seat Member even said after watching the above video and comparing it to the Northwestern game earlier this year:
“That’s it! Stanford football is now DEAD ASLEEP under David Shaw and is on the verge of going into a COMA!”
The old joke among Coaches Hot Seat members before Coaches Hot Seat ever existed was that the Stanford football teams under coaches Buddy Teevens and Walt Harris were so WEAK that the then 30ish and 40ish Coaches Hot Seat members could whip the Hell out of the entire Cardinal team on or off the football field.
That reality changed when Jim Harbaugh got to The Farm….
…and now it’s quickly becoming the consensus again that the now 40ish and 50ish Coaches Hot Seat members could whip the Hell out of the entire Cardinal team on or off the football field and that is nothing less than a…
Complete Freaking Disaster for Stanford Football
Can David Shaw and Stanford beat USC in the LA Coliseum on Saturday night?
Better question might be can Stanford keep the final margin below a 21 point plus defeat at the hands of the Trojans?
One of the worst feelings in the world is embarrassment and we would recommend that David Shaw’s Stanford team not embarrass the Stanford alumni that are traveling to Los Angeles for this game many of whom will be hanging-out with and staying with USC alumni and will rightly be hearing a lot of crowing if USC destroys the Cardinal. No, don’t embarrass yourselves, Stanford fans and alumni, and Stanford University on Saturday night because that leads to people getting pissed-off and pissed-off people is the LAST DAMN THING IN THE WORLD David Shaw wants right now.
22. Paul Rhoads, Iowa State vs. Toledo – Talk about bad timing just when Paul Rhoads needs a win in the worst way he has to take his Iowa State football team on the road to play a MAC team on their home field in Toledo which just beat Arkansas on its home field!
A loss in this spot and Iowa State drops to 1 – 2 on the season with NINE Big 12 Conference Games ahead and our guess is that the Cyclones will be the underdog in…
Eight of those Nine Big 12 Conference Games!
Geez…these are not good times for Iowa State football.
23. Mike Leach, Washington State vs. Wyoming – Mike Leach somehow pulled a win out of his ass that was sitting on a very Hot Seat last Saturday against Rutgers and now the Cougs needs to refocus and make sure they beat a reeling Wyoming team at home before starting Pac-12 Conference play at California on October 3.
Absolutely Wyoming is a game that The Pirate CANNOT LOSE!
24. Norm Chow, Hawaii vs. UC Davis – Now sitting on a record of 1 – 1 Norm Chow’s Hawaii team MUST beat UC Davis on Saturday because their next two games are…
At Boise State
….and there is not a Chance in Hell that the Warriors will win either of those games on the road so clearly UC Davis is a CANNOT LOSE game for Norm Chow and Hawaii!