Daily Archive: December 6, 2017

Coaches Hot Seat Quotes of the Day – Wednesday, December 6, 2017 – Lewis Grizzard

 

LewisGrizzard77789

“I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. “

And

“I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. “

And

“Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”

And

“It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. “

And

“Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it. “

And

“The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity. “

And

“The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.”

And

“You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’ “

And

“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put rum or bourbon in it.”

And

“Being a newspaper columnist is like being married to a nymphomaniac. It’s great for the first two weeks.”

And

“Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.”

And

“I have three ex-wives. I can’t remember any of their names, so I just call ’em Plaintiff.”

And

“I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.”

And

“In the south there’s a difference between ‘Naked’ and ‘Nekkid.’ ‘Naked’ means you don’t have any clothes on. ‘Nekkid’ means you don’t have any clothes on … and you’re up to somethin’.”

And

“Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.”

And

“Real estate agents are God’s plague on mankind when locusts are out of season.”

And

“Women who drink white wine either want to get married, sell you a piece of real estate, or redecorate your house. Either way, it’s expensive.”

And

“Lewis’ advice to Atlantans in case of nuclear war: “If you live on the South side of Atlanta, get on I-75 and go south. If you live of the North side of Atlanta get on I-75 and go north. If you are a Yankee get on 285.” (Note to all you Yankees — I-285 is a continuous loop around the city)”

And

“I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.”

Wikipedia:  Lewis Grizzard

(more…)