Overall Record (San Jose St, Illinois, Florida International): 52 – 87 (.374)
Overall Conference Record: 31 – 63 (.330)
Florida International Record: 10 – 26 (.278)
Florida International Conference Record: 7 – 17 (.292)
Not what we here at Coaches Hot Seat or anyone else understood why the last Florida International head coach before Ron Turner, Mario Cristobal, was fired at FIU after the 2012 season when he was sitting on a record over the 2010, 2011, and 2012 seasons of….
18 – 20 at FIU
….which is a minor miracle at a place like FIU which included taking the Panthers to bowl games in 2011 and 2012 BUT if you are going to fire the most successful head coach in school history you are certainly going to replace him with someone better…..right?
In 2012 Ron Turner who then had a career head coaching record in college football of…
42 – 61
….at San Jose State and Illinois, which included THREE straight losing seasons before he was fired by the Illini after the 2004 season, was hired to replace Mario Cristobal and in THREE seasons how many games has Ron Turner won at FIU you ask? 10 Freaking Football Games!
We got to see FIU play parts of a few games in 2015 and we will admit that the Panthers are about 75% of the way back to where they were when Mario Cristobal was fired BUT that is THREE seasons later, and now entering his FOURTH year on the job one would have to think that either Ron Turner gets…
….at least in 2016 or he is done at FIU….right?
Who the Hell knows because we still can’t figure out why Ron Turner was ever hired at FIU!
OK…let’s go US Navy Intelligence here and assume there is at least one human being working at FIU that…
Knows Their Ass From the Side of a Barn
…and that they have already told Ron Turner something like….
“6 Wins Plus in 2016 Ron or you are done come December”
….which brings us to FIU’s 2016 football schedule to see if 6 wins is doable or not:
Indiana Maryland At UMass UCF FAU At UTEP At Charlotte La. Tech Middle Tennessee At Western Kentucky Marshall At Old Dominion
Geez…if anyone out there sees…
…on FIU’s 2016 schedule then please drop us a note because we don’t think there is a…
Freaking Chance in Hell
…that Ron Turner and his Panthers win 6 games this season but then that’s why the play the games….right? RIGHT!
If Ron Turner doesn’t get to at least 6 wins in 2016 that will make it…
12 out of 14 seasons that FIU has played football that they didn’t hit the .500 mark
…and who has those TWO .500-plus seasons coaching FIU you ask?
Well of course….Mario Cristobal.
For some reason Frank Sinatra singing Send in the Clowns seems appropriate in this spot!
11. Paul Petrino, Idaho – Now in his third season at Idaho head coach Paul Petrino has posted a record of…
2 – 22
…which includes an opening 2015 season loss to Ohio by a score of 45 – 28.
YES…2 – 22 will land your ass on the Hot Seat and that is exactly where Paul Petrino is at and has been for years now!
12. Ron Turner, Florida International – We are not quite sure how FIU beat UCF in Orlando on Thursday…more on George O’Leary who is now on the Hot Seat due to the loss to FIU in a bit…but a win is a win and a win over UCF moves Ron Turner down the Coaches Hot Seat Rankings BUT if Turner is going to get off the Hot Seat for good he will need more than 4 wins in 2015 and HELL if you can beat UCF in Orlando you can beat a pitiful Indiana team in Bloomington this coming Saturday….right?
13. David Shaw, Stanford – Dozens of Coaches Hot Seat members were in the San Francisco Bay area and around Stanford University for work and various professional educational things in August so many of us were able to take-in and size-up the Stanford football August preseason camp and by the third week of August a consensus had been reached that we came very close to publishing in the Coaches Hot Seat Blog that we held back on because….WELL….maybe we were wrong and why send out alarms to Stanford’s first opponent Northwestern about potential problems with Stanford football so we kept our mouths shut.
After seeing in person and watching on TV the Stanford – Northwestern game this past Saturday we can now say….
WE WERE NOT WRONG!
….about the Complete Freaking Disaster that we were watching unfold in August on The Farm which has led to the…
Complete Freaking Disaster that is Stanford Football right now!
Let’s quickly summarize what several Coaches Hot Seat members saw in August with Stanford football by quoting a CHS Member on what he thought of the Cardinal’s August camp practices:
“If you held all of Stanford’s August football practices in a balsa wood house not only would the balsa wood house still be standing there would not be one dent in any of the balsa wood!”
What the Hell does the above mean exactly?
Stanford Football NO LONGER PLAYS FOOTBALL under head coach David Shaw but rather Shaw just holds pillow fights among the players so the…
Candy Ass Coaches and Candy Ass Players can act like they are football players when in FACT
….any random sorority football team from any university in the country could whip the Hell out of the….
Candy Ass Coaches and Candy Ass Players that call themselves Stanford Football!
On top of Stanford Football players being Candy Asses that are coached by Candy Asses did anyone else catch the Stanford offense against Northwestern?
Got there are Thousands of Pee Wee football teams across America that not only hit harder but are better coached and more sophisticated than the Stanford offense right now?
What a Complete Freaking Joke Stanford Football is right now and in our opinion the current state of Stanford Football goes straight to the head coach David Shaw who also in our opinion…
Wouldn’t know an honest day’s work if it hit him in the ass!
No David Shaw…sitting in your office listening to jazz music is NOT working IF you are the head coach of the Stanford football team which by the way you have turned into the…
Biggest Group of Candy Asses in the American Republic today!
Congratulations David Shaw you should be Mighty Damn Proud of Yourself because you are going to do the Next Too Damn Impossible….
Be handed a championship football program from Jim Harbaugh and less than three years later be now sitting on a record over your last 15 games of…
8 – 7
….and headed towards getting your precious jazz listening ass run right off The Farm!
Up next for the Candy Asses in Cardinal:
UCF this coming Saturday on The Farm which just lost to FIU at home!
Here’s a thought:
The Stanford football coaches and players should all get in their best Sunday dresses out and find some nice pillows from the nearby Macy’s at the Stanford Shopping Center for the UCF game and do what they best and love so very much in style…
Have a Pillow Fight!
Fear the Tree? No…not any longer on The Farm!
Fear the Pillows being swung by the Candy Ass Coaches and Players on the Stanford NOT A Football Team anymore!
14. Les Miles, LSU – Let’s give the award…
Thank God Almighty that those Idiots weren’t around during World War II
…to the LSU athletic department that could not find a way to move a game one day forward to Sunday after the McNeese State – LSU game was cancelled on Saturday which lots of…
Flunky Paper Pushers in the LSU Athletic Department
….couldn’t somehow do who no doubt would be selling apples on the local street corner if they weren’t working in athletics where morons can hang around forever whether they are actually good at their jobs or not who and couldn’t just say this simple Damn thing:
“Sorry Folks….the McNeese State – LSU game is cancelled…see everyone back here at Tiger Stadium tomorrow for a 5PM for kick-off.”
Would the above had meant that the McNeese State football team would have driven the 130 miles back to their campus in Lake Charles to spend the night and driven back to Baton Rouge on Sunday for the game?
YES….Big Freaking Deal!
Would the above have meant that LSU Athletics would have spent a few extra hundred thousand dollars in overtime for people working in and around Tiger Stadium?
YES…Big Freaking Deal!
Would the above have meant that LSU athletic administrators otherwise known as Precious Candy Ass Paper Pushers would have had to do some extra work over the weekend?
YES…Big Freaking Deal!
Bottom-Line: LSU Athletics is run by Complete Freaking Morons that cannot move a football game…..A Freaking Football Game…one day forward!
YES…it is true…there are Complete Freaking Morons in position of authority all over America right now and LSU Athletics is a prime example of that FACT!
Getting back to Les Miles the LSU Tigers now open the season at Mississippi State and if Les Miles’ football team loses that game…
Expect your ass to be the temperature in the Bayou on a HOT August Day Les Miles!
15. Kliff Kingsbury, Texas Tech – PBK’s….Pretty Boy Kingsbury…football team at Texas Tech got a 59 – 45 win over FCS team Sam Houston in Week 1 which means about as much as a grain of sand being washed into the ocean and in Week 2 the Red Raiders play UTEP at home in a game that very simply…
PBK…Pretty Boy Kingsbury….CANNOT LOSE
….with Arkansas in Week 3.
Oh…Arkansas beat UTEP in Week 1 by the score of 48 – 13 so everyone here at Coaches Hot Seat will be watching this UTEP – Texas Tech game and score very closely!
Good Luck to you PBK!
16. Steve Sarkisian, USC – USC whipped an overmatched Arkansas State team in Week 1 and the Trojans play a very weak Idaho team in Week 2 and then USC gets…
The Balsa Wood Candy Ass Pillow Fight Boys of Stanford in Week 3
….so USC should EASILY be 3 – 0 when they head to play Arizona State in Tempe on September 26.
As for Steve Sarkisian and his recent “troubles” we can only say to Steve….
Focus on Family and Football Steve and keep the Focus there….PERIOD.
17. Larry Fedora, North Carolina – North Carolina looked better…especially the UNC defense under Gene Chizik…than the Tar Heels looked in 2014 BUT the OLD Ball Coach’s South Carolina team looked AVERAGE at best so was UNC’s performance against the Gamecocks something to be impressed with or just….whatever?
In our opinion….WHATEVER….because there are probably some high schools team in the South that could whip the South Carolina team that the OLD Ball Coach ran out onto the field in Charlotte!
Coming up for Larry Fedora and North Carolina:
NC A&T Illinois Delaware
Hell…North Carolina SHOULD be…
3 – 1
…when go to Atlanta to play Georgia Tech on October 3!
If not…Larry Fedora knows where he will be….no NOT on the beach with is shirt off wowing the ladies and looking for someone that will take a picture of him but rather….
On the FREAKING HOT SEAT!
18. Kirk Ferentz, Iowa – It’s not just the Iowa football team that is a Complete Freaking Disaster at the University of Iowa after reading about who Iowa just hired as the new president of the school….
“Less than 2 percent of the faculty thinks J. Bruce Harreld is qualified to be the University of Iowa’s next president; among the college community at large, it’s 2.6 percent. By contrast, more than 90 percent of respondents to a campus survey gave high ratings to the other three finalists.
Nonetheless, Harreld was named UI’s 21st president Thursday in a unanimous vote from the Iowa Board of Regents. In so doing, they chose a former business executive with no experience in university administration, whose resume lists as his present employer a company he has since acknowledged no longer exists.
Harreld has also admitted he’ll have a steep learning curve for the job, and that his “unusual background” will mean he’ll need a lot of teaching, coaching and mentoring from those who criticized him. It’s good he acknowledged that, and gracious to extend the olive branch. But considering he’ll earn $590,000, plus $200,000 annually in deferred compensation, on-the-job training shouldn’t be necessary.”
What in the Freaking Hell?
Of course, the Iowa regents hiring this Buffoon as the new University of Iowa president makes the school paying football coach Kirk Ferentz $4 Million Dollars a year make sense….well…NOTHING can make paying Kirk Ferentz all that money for mediocrity make sense which brings us to the…
$4 Million Dollar Man Kirk Ferentz
…who over the last five seasons while earning around $20 Million Dollars has posted records of…
Overall: 34 – 30
Big Ten: 19 – 21
…which is a good gig if you can’t be the president of the University of Iowa who it seems is NOT qualified for the job while hauling down almost $800K a year!
Anyone else starting to notice a pattern here at the University of Iowa and if so what does that pattern mean?
We don’t know the exact answer to that question but there are plenty of people here at Coaches Hot Seat that are NOT qualified for lots of jobs at the University of Iowa that make six-figures a year and if we can just get to the right person in Iowa no doubt we will be hired in a Helluva hurry…and kept around whether we FAIL at our jobs or not!
Who is dumber….the folks at LSU that can’t move a football game one day forward or the folks at Iowa that pay a football coach millions of dollars for mediocrity and just hired a president that in our opinion that doesn’t know his ass from the side of a barn when it comes to run a major state university?
…by Mike MacIntyre and the Colorado Buffs in 2015 and what in the Hell did the CU Buffs do in the first game against Hawaii?
The CU Buffs looked like Complete Freaking Buffoons at the opening of the game against the Warriors and it really looked like the head coach and coaching staff showed up at the first game on the sideline without coaching during August camp at all!
Geez….Mike MacIntyre…what in the Hell is going on in Boulder son?
Our recommendation for Colorado head coach Mike MacIntyre: Get things fixed with your football team this week against UMass because if you lose that Week 3 game to Colorado State which has a first-year head coach in Mike Bobo the rest of the 2015 football season could turn into a Complete Freaking Disaster especially with the Oregon Ducks coming to town on October 3.
If Colorado somehow lost to UMass this Saturday in Boulder Mike MacIntyre and the entire CU coaching staff should be fired before they leave the field and a local high school staff should be hired to coach the rest of the season!
Memo to Mike MacIntyre: Get Off Your Ass Son!
20. Mike Leach, Washington State – Really Mike Leach?
Lose to Portland State in the home opening game in Pullman?
Really Mike Leach?
Your Football Team looked like SHIT on Saturday Mike Leach and since we know you can coach we can only draw ONE conclusion after that pitiful loss to Portland State:
Mike Leach just no longer gives a SHIT because his Washington State football team now plays like SHIT!
In Mike Leach’s last 15 football games at Washington State the Cougars are…
3 – 12
…and those 3 wins last season were over….
Portland State Utah Oregon State
Oh…Portland State and Oregon State had losing records last year so in the last 15 games Mike Leach has beaten…
1 Team with a winning record
…and anyone that recalls the Washington State – Utah game from last season knows it took a miracle for the Cougars to win that game!
What is going on at Washington State exactly with Mike Leach?
Well…it’s just our opinion…but Mike Leach was always a terrible fit for Pullman, Washington because look at where Mike Leach was living when he could live anywhere he wanted to live…
Key West, Florida
Still…Mike Leach won a lot of football games at Texas Tech in Lubbock, Texas which isn’t Key West, Florida either so there really is no excuse for Mike Leach to be losing to Portland State in the first game of this third season at Washington State so then just what in the Hell is going on in Pullman?
We think we know BUT we are going to hold our tongue and watch and see IF…
Mike Leach and Washington State just flat out QUIT in 2015 after the opening season loss OR if they come back strong this week in a very tough game at Rutgers.
Your choice Mike Leach and Washington State BUT if Mike Leach does fail at Washington State he will be remembered as…
The Football Coach that got run out of Lubbock
The Football Coach that QUIT in Pullman
Great thing is Mike Leach will be able to determine how this story ends and if it ends badly whether we like Mike Leach or not if the current trend continues in Pullman we will light Mike Leach’s ass up!
Is everyone reading the Coaches Hot Seat Blog starting to understand that we are TOUGHEST on the people we expect the most from?
That’s way ALL alumni and fans should be….don’t accept anything less than…
…and you have a Helluva lot better chance of actually getting…
21 – 30 Post Week Hot Seat Coaches Analysis Coming Soon!