Tag Archive: Gus Malzahn

Post Week 7 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – Give These Hot Seat Coaches Hell Johnny Cash! – The Laziest Ass College Head Coaches!

Time is getting short for several of these Hot Seat Coaches so let’s get right to it and bring out the Great Johnny Cash to give it straight to these coaches with the bark on!

Thank You Mr. Cash!

Post Week 7 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

1.  David Beaty, Kansas – We are not really sure what is going on at Kansas…

David Beaty still firing away, Tom Keegan, Lawrence World-Journal

…but head coach David Beaty did fire his OC Doug Meacham last week which is like tossing your Executive Officer overboard on US Navy ship as you head towards a reef so you can make sure you hit the reef in the just the right way but come now….in 4 seasons at Kansas Beaty is sitting on records of…

Overall:  5 – 37

Big 12:  1 – 29

…and the Jayhawks still have to play in 2018 games against…

At Texas Tech
TCU
Iowa State
At Kansas State
At Oklahoma
Texas

….and we don’t see KU winning any of those games so everyone knows where this is going and as John Wayne said playing character Davey Crockett in the movie The Alamo…

“I always counted on dying, it’s just the where and the when I’m not sure of right now!”

It’s down the Where and the When…just like with Davey Crockett at The Alamo!

2.  Chris Ash, Rutgers – Ole Steve Politi wrote after the Rutgers loss to Maryland on Saturday…

Rutgers has become Blowout U under Chris Ash, Steve Politi, Star-Ledger

….things are really a Damn mess at Rutgers and Chris Ash in 3 years on the job is sitting on records of…

Overall:  7 – 24

Big Ten:  3 – 20

….with still games to be played against in 2018….

Northwestern
At Wisconsin
Michigan
Penn State
At Michigan State

Rutgers is not winning another game in 2018 and when you are a head football coach and in your…

31 st game at a school

…as Chris Ash was coaching on Saturday against Maryland and your team…

Gets Its Ass-Whipped All Over The Damn Field

…and has been…

Getting Its Ass-Whipped All Over the Damn Field All Damn Season

….it matters little that you have a….

$10.35 Million Dollar buyout on December 1, 2018

…because your ass MUST BE BOUGHT OUT….unless of course the people running Rutgers Athletics needs to have their asses fired and run out of town!

3.  Gus Malzahn, Auburn – What we saw on Saturday in the Tennessee – Auburn game wasn’t just an…

Inferior Football Team in Tennessee by 2 or 3 times that beat Auburn on its homefield

….but watching a replay of the game we saw….

Auburn Football Players QUITTING

…which makes sense because we wrote in this blog last week that…

Gus Malzahn has QUIT coaching the Auburn football team!

Now…when we say that Gus Malzahn has QUIT coaching the Auburn football team we are saying that because we believe there is a reason why Malzahn has QUIT and that reason…in our humble opinion is…

Gus Malzahn in a Petty, Selfish, and in a Big Ego kind of way has created a toxic place for his assistant coaches to work and that has now seeped down to the Auburn players and unless someone owns up….make that Gus Malzahn accepts direct responsibility for his Pitiful Pettiness, Selfishness, and Massive Ego…and apologizes for acting like a Spoiled Pompous Arrogant Ass to his coaches and players…NOTHING is going to change at Auburn and the now…

4 – 3 Tigers

…will be lucky to win another game….YES lucky to even beat Liberty at home in November since Liberty just beat Troy….this season with these games left:

At Ole Miss
Texas A&M
At Georgia
Liberty
At Alabama

Maybe Gus Malzahn is hoping that Auburn doesn’t win another game and that he will get his ass run off The Plains with $32 million dollars in early December but….we have it on good authority that if Auburn collapses down the stretch and it’s obvious as Hell that Gus Malzahn has Totally Damn QUIT on his football team that Malzahn will have go into court to get that $32M or take a lot less if Auburn runs his ass out of town because when you Flat-Out QUIT your ass is not fulfilling the obligations inherent in being the…

Head Football Coach of the Auburn Tigers!

What is probably coming for Gus Malzahn and the Auburn football team?

Trouble….we see lots of trouble ahead with potentially the President at Auburn getting fired followed by Gus Malzahn getting fired and anyone else that signed-off on the Idiocy of giving someone a 7 year $49 million fully guaranteed contract getting their asses out of Auburn….that’s the trouble that is coming plus a few other items as well if this does indeed implode that will make the insanity around Terry Bowden getting run from Auburn almost 3 decades ago look sane by comparison!

4.  Randy Edsall, Connecticut – During this past Summer when about a dozen Coaches Hot Seat members were on our 2018 See America RV Tour which included visits to 30 US states we drove from Gettysburg Battlefield in Pennsylvania to the Hartford area to spend the night before heading into Boston the next day. We went to Hartford because we wanted to meet with a UConn alum + booster of ours to talk to him about Randy Edsall and he met us at a great barbecue restaurant near the Hartford airport called the Bear’s Smokehouse.

We cannot recommend Bear’s Smokehouse – The Official BBQ of the UConn Huskies by the way – enough to folks love barbecue, and on that night when we asked our UConn alum + booster buddy about Edsall his response was a Sigh and then…

“It’s a Damn Mess and has been for awhile. (meaning UConn football.) In my opinion anything less than 6 wins this season and Randy is gone, but who would we hire?”

Our UConn alum + booster passed along a few other tidbits about UConn football we will not post in this spot for various reasons, but if Randy Edsall does need to win 6 games in 2018 then the 1 – 5 Huskies with only a win over FCS Rhode Island and still to play these games…

At South Florida
UMass
At Tulsa
SMU
At East Carolina
Temple

….better Damn get busy but come now…is there anyone on Earth thinks UConn will win more than one more game the rest of this season?

Didn’t think so!

We happen to know 3 or 4 coaches we think could turn around and win at UConn in a short amount of time which we passed along to our UConn alum + booster and let’s hope he has passed those names along to the folks at UConn because it looks like 2018 is going to be nothing short of a Total Freaking Disaster for the Huskies!

5.  Larry Fedora, North Carolina – By all rights North Carolina should have beaten Virginia Tech on Saturday before losing 22 – 19 to the Hokies at home and with that loss Larry Fedora is…

5 – 16

….in his last 21 games at UNC and things don’t get any easier with these games left in 2018…

At Syracuse
At Virginia
Georgia Tech
At Duke
Western Carolina
NC State

We would guess that UNC maybe wins 2 more games to finish at…

3 – 9

…for the second straight season and Larry Fedora’s buyout on December 1, 2018….

$12.2 Million Dollars!

Now that is Freaking Hilarious because we would not give a contract like that to Nick Saban but then we don’t work in the Total Damn Freaking Fantasyland that is a college campus where ADs make contracts with coaches with…

Other People’s Money

…so what the Hell do they care if they create Totally Damn Stupid contracts?

Hint: They don’t care at all!

Thus why there are so many asinine contracts in college football and also because Athletic Directors and Presidents are…

So Damn Easy To Roll!

6.  Brent Brennan, San Jose State – In Brent Brennan’s 19 th game as the head football coach at San Jose State his team got beat by Army….at home mind you…by the score of…

52 – 3

…which leaves Brennan’s records at…

Overall:  2 – 17

MWC:  1 – 10

Oh…San Jose State now at 0 – 6 on the season still has to play in 2018 games against…

At San Diego State
UNLV
At Wyoming
At Utah State
Nevada
At Fresno State

That looks like at best…a record of….

1 – 11

…for San Jose State in Brennan’s second year on the job and that is not something we would tolerate if we were the AD at SJSU but then come now…if we were the AD at SJSU we would be interested in actually…

Finding a Head Football Coach that could Win Some Football Games

…not looking for a coach that checks off a few boxes and gets recommendations from a few people….many of them out of the game of football because they also got their asses run out of jobs!

That’s just us now and then you have ADs that Don’t Know Their Asses From the Side of a Barn when it comes to hiring football coaches…hiring fraud football coaches that have No Damn Idea how to lead a football program and to win football games on a regular basis across America!

7.  Bobby Petrino, Louisville – Louisville lost to Boston College on Saturday by the score of…

38 – 20

…which drops the Cardinals record down to 2 – 5 on the year with games still to play against…

Wake Forest
At Clemson
At Syracuse
NC State
Kentucky

We don’t think Louisville will win another game this season and that Mark Stoops and the Kentucky Wildcats will DESTROY Louisville in the last game of the season which will be followed by Bobby Petrino being fired by the AD at Louisville.

That is all.

8.  Lovie Smith, Illinois – On Saturday Lovie Smith coached his 30 th football game at Illinois against Purdue and his team lost at home to a team with roughly the same amount of talent in Purdue by the score of…

46 – 7

…and what you saw on Saturday was…

Jeff Brohm – A College Head Coach That Has A Damn Clue

Lovie Smith – A College Head Coach That Has No Damn Clue

….and if you cannot figure out a way to not Get Your Damn Ass Whipped All Over The Damn Field in your 30 th game as a head coach going against a team with the same talent as you…

Your Ass Is NEVER Going To Figure It Out!

Lovie Smith is his third year coaching the Illini and his records now stand at…

Overall:  8 – 22

Big Ten:  3 – 18

…and Illinois still have games left against…

At Wisconsin
At Maryland
Minnesota
At Nebraska
Iowa
At Northwestern

We don’t see Illinois winning another game in 2018 but Lovie is being paid…

$5 Million Dollars A Year

…and has a buyout on December 1, 2018 of…

$12.6 Million Dollars!

Freaking Hilarious!

Josh Whitman is the AD at Illinois and not only was the hiring of Lovie Smith to coach a college football team…

Incredibly Asinine

..but to give a guy who had never been a college head football coach the above contract in our opinion means that…

Josh Whitman’s ass should be fired today

…but come now…we are talking about an AD here where being…

Stupid As Hell is actually a Freaking Job Requirement!

Anyone that tells you someone is smart because they are an attorney we note that Josh Whitman’s Wikipedia entry says he was graduated…

Summa Cum Laude from the Illinois School of Law!

Now that’s Freaking Hilarious because when Lovie Smith was hired by Illinois three years ago a friend of ours that has worked in the NFL for 30+ years said to us….

“This will turn out to be the Stupidest Hire in recent college football history!”

Close…but there’s a few even worse with Charlie Weis being hired by Kansas easily in our opinion the…

Worst Hire since the end of World War II in major college football

….but Lovie Smith being hired by Illinois might just be #2!

9.  Paul Johnson, Georgia Tech – So let’s get this straight….

Paul Johnson had a long-term grudge against Louisville defensive coordinator Brian VanGorder so Johnson’s Georgia Tech team whips the Cardinals by a score of…

66 – 31

….but then that same team led by the same coach loses to Duke at home a week later by the score of…

28 – 14

Now what Damn sense does that make and why in the Hell was Paul Johnson not fired on the field after the Duke game?

We have several Georgia Tech alum friends been fed-up with Paul Johnson’s Horseshit for years now and being good engineers who work their asses off in their day jobs they don’t let that the Yellow Jackets look like Total Shit on the field really bother their daily lives but come now…

Over the past two seasons Georgia Tech’s combined record now stands at…

8 – 10

…and Tech still has to play in 2018 games against…

At Virginia Tech
At North Carolina
Miami
Virginia
At Georgia

What…Tech might win 2 more games in 2018 and finish with a second straight 5 win season in Paul Johnson’s 11 th year at the school where Johnson seems more interested in settling scores with other coaches than winning Games and Championships?

Exactly why we would have fired Paul Johnson on the field right after the Duke game on Saturday!

10.  Mike Gundy, Oklahoma State – It’s not easy to find out what’s going on at schools around the country with their football programs on a day-to-day basis with the way coaches hide their football programs from most everyone, but we hear enough things from our contacts and by reading things in the media to form opinions and something we have been kicking around at Coaches Hot Seat for about a year is new Coaches Ranking called the…

Laziest Ass College Head Football Coaches

…and in our opinion if we had to list the 10 Laziest Ass College Head Football Coaches who in our opinion do a Helluva Lot less work than other coaches around the country the that list would start with…

1.  Gus Malzahn, Auburn
2.  Mike Gundy, Oklahoma State

Why is it our opinion that Gus Malzahn and Mike Gundy are the 2 Laziest Ass College Football Head Coaches in America?

We don’t have to answer that question because…it’s our opinion as Americans and US Military Combat Vets and Mike “I Am A Man but a Lazy Ass Man In Our Opinion” Gundy can stuff that opinion…

Where The Sun Doesn’t Shine!

Even if Mike Gundy is Lazy As Hell….and in our opinion Ole Gundy is Lazy As Hell and has been for a couple of years now as he has shopped his ass around to any school with a job opening that might consider his ass…be lucky you didn’t hire him because Gundy is Lazy As Hell in our opinion….what has landed Gundy on the Hot Seat is the performance of his football team which after losing to a…

Pitiful Kansas State team on Saturday

…is now 4 – 3 on the season and things aren’t going to get any better because…

When Your Head Coach is Lazy As Hell

…and you still have to play games against…

Texas
At Baylor
At Oklahoma
West Virginia
At TCU

…there’s a decent chance the Cowboys don’t win another game this season and checking the USA Today Coaches Salaries list we see that Gundy’s buyout on December 1, 2018 is…

$16.25 Million Dollars

…and that might be a number that T. Boone Pickens would be wise to write a check for since Ole Boone is 90 years old and if he wants to see Okie State win a national title that’s not something he will see with a..

Lazy Ass Head Coach in Stillwater!

Memo to T. Boone Pickens:  Boone, we know a Helluva Head Football Coach that would love to have the Oklahoma State job and in addition to not being Lazy As Hell like Mike Gundy he could win in 2019 so you might want to get that checkbook out and make it out to…

Mike Gundy

…for $16.25 Million Dollars and on the comments line just write in:

To fire the 2 nd Damn Laziest Coach in College Football!

In our humble opinion of course!

You want the name of that coach Boone just give us a call…you should have our number!

2018 Post Week 3 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – Let’s Bring Out The Great Johnny Cash To Give These Hot Seat coaches Hell! – Thank You Johnny!

The Week 3 College Football Games are done and watching college football in person at UC Davis – Stanford game and then watching a Helluva lot of college football on television on Saturday it’s hard to imagine how the game could be better and let’s hope that it keeps going like this for a long time into the future.

The game of football in America is facing a lot of issues that will have to be dealt with for the game to navigate its way forward, and one of the things that needs to be done is move the current FBS 4-Team College Football Playoff to 8-Teams with 5 Power Five Conference Champs (If 3 losses or less) + 3 Wildcard teams but more on that as the season moves along because worrying about the Postseason Playoff takes away from the games being played right now!

Let’s bring out the Great Johnny Cash to give these Hot Seat coaches Hell!

Thank You Johnny!

Post Week 3 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

1. Urban Meyer, Ohio State – We watched the interview that ESPN’s Tom Rinaldi did with Urban Meyer that aired on Sunday and it’s an interesting interview with a lot going on beyond what Meyer said…which wasn’t much….but to guess on what Meyer was thinking would be speculative and we are all about speculation and opinion here at Coaches Hot Seat!

In our humble opinion Urban Meyer sees both of the Smiths complicit in the failure of their marriage which flows from how Meyer was raised in that there are issues in all marriages but that two mature adults…especially ones with children…should be able to work things out and for lots of reasons the Smith marriage just imploded which probably seems unthinkable to Meyer.

There’s an old saying attributed to Lou Holtz that….

“If he’s got golf clubs in his truck or a camper in his driveway, I don’t hire him.”

…with the implication being that a good assistant football coach isn’t planning on playing lots of golf when working for Holtz. What is also implicit in the above statement is that Lou Holtz was interested in the personal lives of his coaches as it pertains to their ability to do their job, and when something is going wrong with someone’s personal life that will of course impact that person’s work as well. In our opinion there’s not a chance in Hell that Urban Meyer wasn’t aware that Smith was having lots of problems with his marriage and that Smith was doing all kinds of Crazy Shit in his personal life, and anyone that has been around a football team knows…

Everyone knows…especially the coaches….what’s going on with everyone if it falls outside what would be considered “normal”

…and for whatever reason Meyer kept Smith around with Meyer now admitting he should have fired the troubled Smith long ago which is incredibly obvious to anyone that can read the recent reports on this issue.

If we were a head football coach in college we would realize that is a very public position and that the coaches on our staff were also in very public positions and with what’s happened at Ohio State in mind we would talk to each our coaches and support staff and tell them straight-up:

“If something is going on in your personal life that is a problem…I am talking about a serious problem and not just normal personal or marriage issues…I want to know about it because you are representing this university and you are working for me and I don’t want to be surprised by something down the road. I can help you a lot with issues, even personal issues, but I cannot help you if you don’t tell me about it so keep that in mind.”

Will see what if anything else comes out on this Smith issue at Ohio State, and if something else does come out we would not be surprised, but for now it seems it has quieted down which is of course the same thing that happened with the Tressel issue. We shall see.

Interestingly Ohio State has looked like a team that can beat anyone in the country including Alabama in its first three games of the season and it will be fascinating to see how the Buckeyes play under Meyer in the coming weeks with OSU having left:

Tulane
At Penn State
Indiana
Minnesota
At Purdue
Nebraska
At Michigan State
At Maryland
Michigan

Our guess the Buckeyes lose 2 of their remaining 9 games which would be a Major Disappointment and lead to a lot of folks asking a lot of questions to why in the Hell a team with enough talent to beat anyone in the country ended up with 2 losses in the regular season!

2.  Larry Fedora, North Carolina – It was probably a Godsend that North Carolina didn’t play UCF at home on Saturday because of Hurricane Florence since UCF would have probably blasted the falling to pieces Tar Heels who are 0 – 2 and still have games left against…

Pitt
At Miami
Virginia Tech
At Syracuse
At Virginia
Georgia Tech
At Duke
Western Carolina
NC State

Our guess UNC wins 3 of their last 9 games to finish at….

3 – 9

…in 2018 which will open up the North Carolina job which is a Good but not Great job in college football but certainly a job we would walk from San Francisco to Chapel Hill to take if they offered it to anyone here at Coaches Hot Seat!

3.  Willie Taggart, Florida State – The first time any of us ran into Willie Taggart was in 2007 when he came to Stanford to coach running backs for Jim Harbaugh on The Farm and we can be honest here and say we are biased FOR Willie Taggart but for Damn sure we are not going to tolerate Willie or ANY other coach blowing up a college football program…especially one like Florida State….just because we like the guy!

We really don’t have a clue how good of a Head Football Coach that Willie Taggart is since he spent so little time at his previous HC stops at Western Kentucky, South Florida, and Oregon before taking over at FSU but we can tell you what we have been told by our friends in Florida who have been around Florida State football going back to the 1970s which is before Bobby Bowden arrived in Tallahassee in 1976 some very interesting and some very troubling things.

Back in August a Florida State-alum buddy of ours who has had season tickets to FSU games since the 1970s and who we have known since the late 1980s hinted in some conversations that he was hearing that….

“There is no football being practiced at Florida State. It’s just a lot of PR fluff.”

That is the phrase he used back in August for what Willie Taggart and his coaching staff were doing at FSU practices…

“It’s just a lot of PR fluff.”

After seeing FSU play against Virginia Tech, Samford, and Syracuse we don’t need someone watching FSU practice to know what is going on in Tallahassee because it’s as Plain As Damn Day and that is….

Willie Taggart and his Assistant Coaches are NOT coaching football at Florida State!

…but rather it’s just a lot “making sure the players are happy” and guess what Willie….

You have a football team that has already QUIT on you Son!

…and if you don’t start Coaching The Game of Football with your FSU football team TODAY….meaning Monday….then there’s a good chance you will not be the head coach at Florida State in 2019 and if you get run from this job after one year you will have a tough time getting a high school head coaching job in the future!

We have been told by that same FSU-alum buddy of ours that a significant portion of the $30M or so that it would take to buyout Willie Taggart and everyone that Willie has hired has already been raised and that if Florida State keeps playing the way they did against Syracuse…

Where the Florida State Football Team QUIT

….Willie Taggart will be fired shortly after the Florida game on November 24!

YES….it’s that bad Willie and your better Damn start coaching your football team especially with what you have left to play…

Northern Illinois
At Louisville
At Miami
Wake Forest
Clemson
At NC State
At Notre Dame
Boston College
Florida

If FSU plays the rest of the season the way they played against Syracuse…

They will not win another football game and finish the season at 1 – 11 and Willie Taggart and his entire coaching staff WILL BE FIRED in late November!

Northern Illinois comes to Tallahassee on Saturday with a pretty good football team that would love to beat FSU whether the Seminoles are any good or not and if FSU loses this game there will not be more than 20,000 people at any home FSU game the rest of the year so YES you could say there is a Helluva Lot riding on Saturday’s game and most of all what we would like to see is a…

FSU Football Team that actually shows up and plays like men instead of the Candy Ass Cowards and Quitters that Willie Taggart has been running out on the field in the first three games of the season!

Lastly we will leave Willie Taggart with a comment from an ACC assistant coach we talked to on Sunday and passing along this comment, even if we don’t identify the assistant, will probably end us talking to that coach but we think it’s important enough of a comment to relay in this spot, and the comment is the general feeling among the coaches on this particular ACC football team and that comment is in the form of a question:

ACC Assistant Coach: “Any way you can take Taggart off the Hot Seat?”

CHS: “Why is that?”

ACC Assistant Coach: “Because we need to keep Willie in Tallahassee for as long as possible since it’s a guaranteed win every year now!”

You gonna take that Willie?

If not then how about showing up at practice on Monday and quit giving a Damn about making your players happy and….

Coaching The Freaking Game of Football Son

…and you can start by running the Hell out of the 15+ players on your FSU football team that Flat-Out QUIT against Syracuse!

The Italian philosopher Niccolo Machiavelli wrote in his book The Prince that….

“It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.”

…and what Willie Taggart needs to understand is….

Your players will NEVER Love you if they do not Respect you and right now….

The FSU players have No Damn Respect for Willie Taggart or the FSU Assistant Coaches

…but be assured if dozen members of Coaches Hot Seat took over the Florida State football program on Monday by Tuesday evening after practice the players still left on the team….

Would Respect Us….You Can Damn Sure Count On That….Because We Would Tolerate Nothing But Respect From Our Players and the same should go for Willie Taggart!

4.  Clay Helton, USC – It’s impossible to understand the situation that USC head coach Clay Helton is in today unless you grew up watching USC football in the 1970s when the Trojans were one of the Top 10 teams in the country every year. Yes, Pete Carroll had a great run at USC from 2001 – 2009 but the USC alumni in their 50s, 60s, and 70s who have a Helluva Lot of money and influence in the Los Angeles and all over the world even are just not going to tolerate Clay Helton turning USC into average football program even if Helton is sitting on records now of…

Overall:  28 – 12

Pac-12:  20 – 6

The above are pretty decent numbers, but our friends who are USC-alums don’t think those records are so great and when they see in person in Austin the Trojans get blown-out by 23 points to a Texas team that lost to Maryland which just lost to Freaking Temple then you have some…

Pissed-Off USC Folks

…and believe it….they are now passing the hat around to raise the money to fire Clay Helton later this year if it comes to it which caused a member of Coaches Hot Seat to ask one our USC-alum buddies who could buy and sell Nick Saban in about 15 minutes on Sunday….

“What would it take for Helton to keep his job at USC?”

USC-alum:  “Clay better Damn win out the rest of the games.”

OK…let’s look at the remaining 9 games that Clay better Damn win every Damn one of them!

Washington State
At Arizona
Colorado
At Utah
Arizona State
At Oregon State
Cal
At UCLA
Notre Dame

Don’t think there’s a chance in Hell that Clay Helton and the USC Trojans win their last 9 games and if we had to guess we would say they go….

6 – 3 or 7 – 2 at best!

You know what that means right?

USC will be looking for a new head football coach by December and we happen to know a college head football coach with a team in the Top 15 who would love a shot at the USC job!

We wouldn’t recommend that Clay Helton and the Trojans lose to Washington State on Friday night OR any game the rest of the season or it’s Dandy Don time in South LA!

5.  Gus Malzahn, Auburn – Maybe it’s just us but if we had…

$49 Million Dollars Guaranteed in our back pocket

…over the next 7 years whether we won another football game or not we would NOT….

Coach Like A Damn Coward

….but on Saturday at Jordan-Hare Stadium on The Plains in Auburn you had Gus Malzahn again….

Coaching Like A Damn Coward Against LSU!

Why Gus?

Can you please explain to us why you are still…

Coaching Like A Damn Coward Scared of Your Shadow Son?

Auburn has one of the best defenses in America and Gus is coaching the Tigers offense like the AU defense is not even going to show up for the game and just why in the Hell is that Gus?

Clearly that’s a question that Gus Malzahn is not going to answer but it’s a Helluva question because you give anyone at Coaches Hot Seat….

Guaranteed $49 Million Dollars over the next 7 Years

…we are going to attack your ass…

All Over The Field
Up and Down the Field
In the Damn Stands If Necessary

…to score as many Damn points as possible because….

We have no Damn Fear of anything because our ass is going to get paid $49 Million Dollars Whatever the Hell Happens!

Let’s look at Malzahn’s seasons at Auburn:

2013:  12 – 2
2014:  8 – 5
2015:  7 – 6
2016:  8 – 5
2017:  10 – 4

Geez…that’s 4+ losses in 4 of Gus’s 5 seasons at Auburn AND he is….

Guaranteed to make $7M a season for the next 7 years if he doesn’t win another football game!

Please now Gus….

Why in the Hell are you coaching the Auburn football team like a Damn Coward Son?

Let’s see what Auburn has left in 2018:

Arkansas
Southern Miss
At Mississippi State
Tennessee
At Ole Miss
Texas A&M
At Georgia
Liberty
At Alabama

That looks like at least THREE more losses which again would be….

FOUR losses on the season

…and that means….

8 – 4

….or could even be a….

7 – 5

…record in 2018 and we have to wonder just what Big Chumps the folks at Auburn will feel like if Gus Malzahn lays down a 8 – 4 or 7 – 5 after you just guaranteed him $49 Million Dollars?

Got VERY BIG Chumps?

Yep!

6.  Major Applewhite, Houston – Big-Time Houston booster and billionaire Tillman Fertitta made it clear a couple of years ago that….

Anything less than 10 wins a year with Houston football is not acceptable

…and after Major Applewhite put up a record of 7 – 5 in year one at Houston it was made clear to us that Major needed to hit the 10 win mark in 2018 to keep his job going into 2019 and losing to a Texas Tech team that got blasted by Ole Miss which just got blasted by Alabama is no doubt something that Tillman Fertitta has noted and with that in mind let’s see what the 2 – 1 Cougars have left on their schedule in 2018:

Texas Southern
Tulsa
At East Carolina
At Navy
USF
At SMU
Temple
Tulane
At Memphis

Let’s assume Fertitta is willing to give Major Applewhite a chance to get to 10 wins by winning a bowl game so that would mean Houston needs to win…

7 of their last 9 games

….and that’s going to be a challenge….a BIG Challenge!

7.  Kevin Sumlin, Arizona – Kevin Sumlin’s Arizona team beat FCS Southern Utah on Saturday night to raise their record to 1 – 2 but it’s back to Real Football in Week 4 with a game at Oregon State and a game that Sumlin and the Wildcats….

Better Damn Not Lose

….because if Arizona cannot beat Oregon State then we rather doubt they will win another game in 2018 and just think we thought at the beginning of the season that…

Anything less than 7 wins in 2018 would be a Total Disaster for Arizona!

Let’s look at the rest of Arizona’s schedule:

At Oregon State
USC
Cal
At Utah
At UCLA
Oregon
Colorado
At Washington State
Arizona State

We don’t have a Damn Clue how Arizona gets to 6 wins in 2018 = Code Red Total Damn Disaster for Kevin Sumlin in Year 1 in Tucson!

8.  Lovie Smith, Illinois – The Illini were up on South Florida for most of the game on Saturday before letting USF get them in the fourth quarter and that loss to the Bulls drops Illinois head coach Lovie Smith’s records to….

Overall:  7 – 20

Big Ten:  2 – 16

….and Big Ten Conference play starts this coming Saturday for the Illini with…

Penn State coming to Champaign!

Oh…here’s the rest of the Illini schedule who are now at 2 – 1:

Penn State
At Rutgers
Purdue
At Wisconsin
At Maryland
Minnesota
At Nebraska
Iowa
At Northwestern

Our guess the Illini win 2 of their remaining 9 games to finish at 4 – 8 which is DOUBLE the number of wins the last two seasons for Illinois!

Woo-Freaking-Hoo!

Maybe give Lovie and extension and raise he gets to 4 wins in 2018?

It’s Illinois after all where Average is Great and Good is You Are A Freaking God on Earth!

9.  David Beaty, Kansas – You gotta give whoever is making the schedules in Lawrence great credit because when you open the season with….

Nicholls
At Central Michigan
Rutgers

….you are hoping for a 2 – 1 start at least and that is what David Beaty and Kansas got and now it’s back to Big Boy Football in Week 4 with a trip to Baylor but come now….Baylor just got blasted by Duke in Waco and Hell…

Kansas could move to 3 – 1 with a win over Baylor on Saturday!

After Baylor its…

Oklahoma State
At West Virginia
At Texas Tech
TCU
Iowa State
At Kansas State
At Oklahoma
Texas

We would recommend that David Beaty and Kansas find a way to beat Baylor in Waco in Saturday because if you can’t beat Baylor….

You will not win another game this season!

10.  Jim Harbaugh, Michigan – After a slow start in the game against SMU the Wolverines turned it up a few notches and coasted to a 45 – 20 win over the Mustangs and looky-here we have a…

Damn Fascinating Game in Ann Arbor on Saturday

…with winless Nebraska and new head coach Scott Frost coming into town in a game that…

Neither Team or Coach can afford to lose

….and that’s true for Jim Harbaugh and Michigan because what comes after the Huskers visit to the Big House:

At Northwestern
Maryland
Wisconsin
At Michigan State
Penn State
At Rutgers
Indiana
At Ohio State

The way that Wisconsin looked against BYU and Michigan State against Arizona State we don’t see why Michigan doesn’t get to the Ohio State game with more than 2 losses or less because the above are all teams that Blue should beat save the game against Penn State on November 3 and even that game is winnable.

Jim Harbaugh and Michigan just CANNOT LOSE to Nebraska this coming Saturday and to lose this game would nothing short of a Code Red Total Disaster!

Great Luck Jimmy!

Post Week 7 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – Give These Hot Seat Coaches Hell Johnny Cash! – The Best Land Under Heaven: The Donner Party in the Age of Manifest Destiny

 

Before we get to the Post Week 7 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings the members of Coaches Hot Seat have been reading a GREAT book the last few weeks which will give anyone a great perspective on life and one’s relative lack of luck in their lives on this Earth. The book is…

The Best Land Under Heaven: The Donner Party in the Age of Manifest Destiny, Michael Wallis, Amazon.com

…and not only does the above book provide an amazing history of the trials and tribulations of the Donner Party’s trip from the Midwest to California in 1846, it weaves into the story many important parts of American history that will change how you view our Great Country. As the great Civil War author and historian Shelby Foote has rightly said…

“One cannot understand America without understanding the US Civil War.”

…one cannot also really understand America without knowing about the massive movement of Americans to the West in the middle of the 19 th Century before and after gold was found in California in 1849.

The main lesson though we got from the book The Best Land Under Heaven is that no matter how bad things are in our lives they could be a Helluva lot worse which brings some great perspective to our daily lives and with that in mind let’s get to the latest ranking of multi-millionaire college head coaches on the Hot Seat who haven’t a care in the world beyond their asses now being lit-up!

Post Week 7 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

Give These Hot Seat Coaches Hell Johnny Cash!

Thank Johnny!

1.  Butch Jones, Tennessee – If Butch Jones hadn’t committed so many verbal and personal gaffes at Tennessee the last five seasons he might have a fighting chance to survive to coach the Vols in 2018 with plenty of winnable games left on the schedule but after back-to-back home losses to Georgia and South Carolina it’s all but over for one of the most disliked men in Tennessee football history.

There’s an art + science to a college head football coach winning over both his football team and fan base and Butch Jones has amazingly alienated both to varying degrees at Tennessee and thus Butch has all but given up an important thing for coaches….”the benefit of the doubt”…when things get tough and with Alabama on deck for the 3 – 3 Vols Jones has now worked himself into a position where he better Damn have Chubby Boy in Memphis looking for an exit door to another head coaching job IF Jones wants to coach next season.

Here’s what Tennessee has left in 2017:

At Alabama
At Kentucky
Southern Miss
At Missouri
LSU
Vanderbilt

Our guess the Vols win 6 or 7 games at best in 2017 and there’s not a chance in Hell Butch Jones will survive that in Year 5 in Knoxville so the attention now turns to who will be the next head football coach at Tennessee which will be one of the most interesting hires in the upcoming weeks.

2.  Bret Bielema, Arkansas – If there is one thing we really distrust at Coaches Hot Seat it is anything categorized as a “slam-dunk” and Bret Bielema was described as such when hired at Arkansas in 2013 and yet here we are FIVE years later and Bielema now has on the board:

Overall:  27 – 30

SEC:  10 – 25

Nope….Bret Bielema was NOT a “slam-dunk” hire at Arkansas and in reality Bielema has made a Helluva lot of bad decisions in Fayetteville primarily around assistant coaches he has hired + failed to keep which is richly ironic since one of the reasons some claimed Bielema took the Arkansas job was that he couldn’t get more money for his assistants at Wisconsin! Bret Bielema has had ALL the Damn Money and Resources he has needed or possibly wanted at Arkansas and yet his record in SEC play is…

10 – 25

….so please don’t tell us Bielema hasn’t had every Damn chance to win games in Fayetteville because the reality is he has had EVERYTHING and he has FAILED miserably!

What is really scary at Arkansas is that there are otherwise smart people like Arky AD Jeff Long who don’t have the ability to admit they were “wrong” or even to make it clear that expectations at Arkansas are a Helluva lot higher than what Bielema has been not achieving with the Hogs and what a great lesson this is for everyone who should learn from this situation that…

When Wrong…Admit You Are Wrong…Learn From Your Mistakes…and Move the Hell On To Fixing the Damn Problem!

Instead Arkansas AD Jeff Long is in deep denial about Bret Bielema but then why wouldn’t Long be in denial since after all he has hired as head football coaches at Arky that in the end turned out to be…

Bobby Petrino – Total Damn Disaster
John L. Smith – Total Damn Disaster
Bret Bielema – Total Damn Disaster

Some may argue that Bobby Petrino won a Helluva lot of games at Arkansas, but there is not a chance in Hell we would have hired Petrino then or today to wash our cars because we have standards somewhere way the Hell north of Jeff Long and the University of Arkansas and when you set your standards low no one should be surprised that your ass ends up looking like a fool when a motorcycle accident happens!

After the loss to Alabama the 2 – 4 Hogs now have left on the schedule…

Auburn
At Ole Miss
Coastal Carolina
At LSU
Mississippi State
Missouri

…and does anyone with a working brain think Arkansas can win 4 of their last 6 games to get to even a .500 record in Bielema’s FIFTH year on the job?

Nope and that is why fans of Arkansas Football have one choice and one choice only…

Fire AD Jeff Long AND Head Coach Bret Bielema

…or let your football program be totally destroyed!

It’s YOUR choice fans of Arkansas Football!

3.  David Beaty, Kansas – Things are getting Very Damn Stupid at the University of Kansas and we write that because KU AD Sheahon Zenger has hired two head football coaches….Charlie Weis and David Beaty….and their combined records the last SIX seasons stands at:

Overall:  9 – 49

Big 12:  2 – 38

Geez….can someone explain to us how Kansas AD Sheahon Zenger is still employed in Lawrence?

Oh…current Kansas head coach David Beaty’s records are now…

Overall:  3 – 27

Big 12:  1 – 20

..and the 1 – 5 Jayhawks still have to play in 2017….

At TCU
Kansas State
Baylor
At Texas
Oklahoma
Oklahoma State

…which looks to us like a 1 – 11 record in Beaty’s THIRD season on the job.

Can ANY head football coach and the AD that hired him survive the above records?

Not in the Real World but is the University of Kansas part of the Real World?

Not really it seems!

4.  Mike Riley, Nebraska – The Cold Hard Reality of Mike Riley’s tenure at Nebraska are his records which after the Total Debacle home loss to Ohio State now stand at…

Overall:  18 – 15

Big Ten:  11 – 10

….which would get ANY coach fired in Lincoln and now there really is nothing that can save Riley’s job barring the Yellowstone Supervolcano erupting and ending all life on Earth!

With the above reality in mind it will be interesting to see who new Nebraska AD Bill Moos hires to replace Mike Riley between now and early December and we would be stunned if Moos tried to bring Washington State head coach Mike Leach to Lincoln since our friends in the Great State of Nebraska that we checked with aren’t really into a…

Head Coach blaming his players when HIS team gets its ass whipped as Washington State got whipped by California on Friday night!

…but then who the Hell wants a coach that gives blame when HIS team loses and takes credit when THEY win? As Paul “Bear” Bryant rightly said and which no doubt the Great Tom Osborne would agree with…

“If anything goes bad, I did it. If anything goes semi-good, we did it. If anything goes really good, then you did it. That’s all it takes to get people to win football games for you.”

….which Mike Leach has turned on its head by essentially saying to his players:

When things go right I get the credit and when thing go wrong YOU get the blame!

Who in the Hell would want his Son playing for a coach that believes that kind of Total and Non-American Excuse Making Bullshit and where exactly was Mike Leach raised because Real Americans don’t raise Total Asses that care little about anything but their own Precious Ass?

Pitiful Mike Leach…just So Damn Pitiful and if you lost a couple more games it will be a Damn Pleasure to roast your Sorry and Pitiful Ass Mike!

The obvious choice of the next head coach at Nebraska is of course UCF HC Scott Frost but Frost might have several attractive offers to choose from in the coming weeks and if Frost does decide to go elsewhere Moos will have a career defining job to do that will determine the future fate of Nebraska Football so no pressure at all Bill and Good Luck to you in the new job as well!

5.  Barry Odom, Missouri – After the loss to Georgia on Saturday Mizzou head coach Barry’s Odom’s records now stand at…

Overall:  5 – 13

SEC:  2 – 10

….and the 1 – 5 Tigers still have to play in 2017:

Idaho
At UConn
Florida
Tennessee
At Vanderbilt
At Arkansas

…and our guess is that Mizzou wins 3….maybe 4 games…this season and that would be 4 wins or less TWO straight seasons and nothing short of a…

Total and Complete Disaster for Mizzou Football!

6.  Jim Mora, UCLA – For some reason between the 2015 and 2016 football seasons they quit teaching the UCLA Bruins football players how to tackle in Westwood and “Surprise – Surprise”…NOT…. in the last two seasons the Bruins under Jim Mora have posted records of…

Overall:  7 – 11

Pac-12:  3 – 8

….and now at 3 – 3 after the loss to Arizona what is still left on the schedule in 2017 is…

Oregon
At Washington
At Utah
Arizona State
At USC
California

….which looks like SIX wins at best for Mora & Company and is that acceptable to the folks at UCLA in Mora’s SIXTH year on the job?

It might just be!

7.  Todd Graham, Arizona State – Congratulations to Todd Graham and his Arizona State football team on beating the Mighty Washington Huskies which for some reason looked unprepared and borderline un-coached in Tempe on Saturday night….What’s Up With That Pete?….and with that win over the Huskies the 3 – 3 Sun Devils have to keep things rolling because head coach Graham needs 7+ wins to hang onto this job and here is what ASU still has in front of them this season:

At Utah
USC
Colorado
At UCLA
At Oregon State
Arizona

One of the toughest things for a college head football coach is to get his team down from the HIGH of a beating a top-ranked team and Todd Graham has his work cut-out for him in getting the Sun Devils re-focused to play a very tough Utah team in Salt Lake City on Saturday because a loss to the Utes on Saturday and Graham will be moving right back up the Coaches Hot Seat Rankings again!

8.  Gus Malzahn, Auburn – In a season where Auburn head coach Gus Malzahn needs no more than 4 losses AND a win over either Georgia or Alabama to save his job losing two games to Clemson and LSU with Georgia and Alabama still left on the schedule is definitely Not A Good Thing and the calculus for Malzahn is that he has NO margin for error between now and the first of December with the 5 – 2 Tigers still having to play games against…

At Arkansas
At Texas A&M
Georgia
La. Monroe
Alabama

Bottom-Line:

If Gus Malzahn loses to Georgia and Alabama to finish at 8 – 4 he’s DONE at Auburn

If Gus Malzahn loses another game but beats either Georgia and Alabama to finish at 8 – 4 he HAS A CHANCE at Auburn

Yep…this is about Gus Malzahn winning at least one of the two games against Georgia and Alabama and we would recommend that Malzahn and his Tigers not lose either of the next two games before Georgia comes to The Plains on November 11 because that would put Gus into a borderline impossible spot so…

Coach Hard Gus because your job in on the line EVERY week Son!

9.  Lovie Smith, Illinois – Can someone…anyone…explain to us why Lovie Smith is the head football coach at Illinois?

No one can explain to us why Lovie Smith is the head coach at Illinois?

Didn’t think so and now after nothing short of a Total Disaster of a loss to Rutgers at home which came into the game with 16 straight Big Ten Conference losses Lovie Smith’s records with the Illini now stand at…

Overall:  5 – 13

Big Ten:  2 – 10

…and they still have to play this season:

At Minnesota
Wisconsin
At Purdue
Indiana
At Ohio State
Northwestern

Hell…will Illinois win another game in 2017?

Hell..even if they do win 1 or 2 of their last 6 games to finish at 3 – 9 or 4 – 8 how could Lovie Smith stay employed at Illinois?

The reality is that there are some coaches that are Pro Coaches and there are some coaches that are College Coaches and then there are a TINY amount of coaches that can coach both Pro and College players and if there is one thing that coaches that have successfully coached in both the Pro and College games…think Jimmy Johnson and Pete Carroll…it is they have…

PASSION

…for the Great Game of Football and thus can motivate 18 – 22 year old kids and Lovie Smith seems to us to be…

Barely Awake Even During the Games

….so Please…how in the Hell can Lovie Smith ever win a Damn thing at Illinois?

Eventually Lovie Smith will be fired at Illinois because there’s not a chance in Hell he will ever make the Illini competitive in the Uber-competitive Big Ten Conference and when the firing of a coach is inevitable it’s ALWAYS best to get on with the firing which is something the AD at Illinois will either understand now or learn eventually in the next year or so!

10.  Steve Addazio, Boston College – Steve Addazio’s BC team beat Louisville on Saturday which was nice win BUT beating this year’s Louisville team is not going to be that big of a deal come the end of the season because Louisville couldn’t stop the prison team from the original The Longest Yard movie and with that win Addazio’s Eagles improved to 3 – 4 in 2017 with these games still left to be played…

At Virginia
Florida State
NC State
UConn
At Syracuse

Unlike Louisville most of the above teams actually play DEFENSE and thus we fully expect BC to finish with a losing record in 2017 and for Steve Addazio to lose his job come late November – early December because with these records on the board…

Overall:  27 – 31

ACC:  12 – 24

…how could Addazio possibly keep his job with another losing season this year?

The Les Miles and Ron Turner Firings on Sunday – Post Week 4 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – These Hot Seat Coaches Need to Understand Mr. Cash That When You Make Millions of Dollars A Year…Your Ass Will Either Perform Or End Up On The Hot Seat! Give ‘Em Hell Johnny!

 

The Les Miles and Ron Turner Firings on Sunday

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Many of us here at Coaches Hot Seat were flying back to San Francisco from Los Angeles on Sunday after seeing Stanford come back and beat UCLA on Saturday night at the Rose Bowl and as we tweeted out on Sunday…

We were surprised but not shocked that LSU fired Les Miles

…because we believe Totally in the saying that now former Florida AD Jeremy Foley has said many times during his great career as AD in Gainesville…

“What will have to be done eventually should be done immediately.”

…and No Damn Doubt in our minds Les Miles should have been fired at the end of the 2016 season because in our opinion…

Les Miles is Incredibly Stubborn and would rather LSU Football lose football games than Miles EVER having to admit that he was wrong about ANYTHING

…and anyone with a working brain knows that Les Miles’ brand of football should be tossed on the scrapheap of college football history and anyone that is considering hiring Les Miles in the future should understand that reality Very Damn Clearly!

The Win/Loss Numbers for Les Miles over the past THREE seasons…2014 – 2016…are Very Damn Ugly Indeed when one considers that during the past THREE seasons Miles has had Top 5 talent in college football and those Win/Loss numbers are…

Overall:  19 – 10

SEC:  10 – 8

Power 5 Schools:  12 – 10

…which is nothing short of a Total and Complete Disaster when you have…

TOP FIVE TALENT in College Football at LSU

…which makes it in our opinion that LSU was 10 Months Late in firing Les Miles and in the end if might cost LSU….

Tom Herman to Texas or USC!

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Let’s leave the who will be the next head coach at LSU speculation for another day and give a Hearty Congratulations for Coach Ed Orgeron who is now the…

Head Football Coach at LSU

LSUTigerStadium

…and who we hope can win many of the remaining games the Tigers have against…

Missouri
At Florida
Southern Miss
Ole Miss
Alabama
At Arkansas
South Alabama
At Texas A&M

…especially since LSU has MORE talent on its roster than every team left on its schedule except for Alabama.

One thing that Coach O said that caught our attention in his press conference on Monday was that LSU was going to…

“Spend less time on the practice field and more time in the meeting rooms.”

….which is what Pete Carroll did at USC and which as former football players here at Coaches Hot Seat is something we have believed in for 30+ years now going back to the Bill Walsh days at Stanford the first-time around.

As the great Alabama head coach Frank Thomas, who played for Knute Rockne at Notre Dame and coached Paul “Bear” Bryant at Alabama, once said:

“Keep the players high. Make practice a pleasure, not a lark. Be a disciplinarian, but not a slave driver. It’s better to have a short, full practice than a long lazy one.”

Amen to that Coach Thomas….and Coach O as well!

Give ‘Em Hell Coach O…and just like at USC…we will be pulling for you Coach!

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On the Ron Turner firing at FIU it was no surprise to anyone here at Coaches Hot Seat that Ron Turner was fired in his FOURTH season at FIU where he put up records of…

Overall:  10 – 30

CUSA:  7 – 17

….because as we said when Ron Turner was hired…

FIU had no Damn Business hiring Ron Turner because if you are going to fire Mario Cristobal then you better Damn hire someone better than Cristobal and Ron Turner is not in the same world as Cristobal in coaching college football in the early part of the 21 st century…..PERIOD!

FIU should hire a young, fiery, smart, tenacious, hard-charging, fighting like Hell coach and just realize if the coach does a good job at FIU he will probably be off to a bigger job and then FIU should go out and hire another….

Young, fiery, smart, tenacious, hard-charging, fighting like Hell coach!

Do that FIU….just do that!

 

Post Week 4 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

A chair on fire... metaphor "In The Hot Seat"

These Hot Seat Coaches Need to Understand Mr. Cash That When You Make Millions of Dollars A Year…Your Ass Will Either Perform Or End Up On The Hot Seat! Give ‘Em Hell Johnny!

Post Week 4 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

ClayHelton27171771

1.  Clay Helton, USC – We spent several hours with an USC-alum friend of ours on this past Saturday night in Santa Monica after we watched Stanford come back and beat UCLA at the Rose Bowl and to say that our friend and many of his fellow USC-alum friends are PISSED-OFF about the current state of USC football would be a massive understatement!

Consider these numbers for a moment…since 2009 USC’s combined Pac-12 Conference record over the past 8 seasons now stands at…

40 – 25

…which includes USC head coaches Pete Carroll’s last year, Lane Kiffin, Ed Orgeron, Steve Sarkisian, and Clay Helton. Then consider the below numbers which is Alabama and Nick Saban’s record in SEC Conference play over the past 8 seasons…

48 – 8

NickSaban818181

Why do we mention Nick Saban and Alabama’s record in SEC Conference play over the past 8 seasons you ask?

Because an USC-alum that could buy and sell most of the Westside of Los Angeles on any given afternoon has it written on a dry erase board in his home office and those two numbers….USC and Alabama’s conference records since 2009….was written on that dry erase board by someone who is fed-up with what is going on with USC football, and who is now going around Los Angeles briefing other USC alums about just what in the Hell is going to happen at USC if Clay Helton doesn’t get things turned around with the Trojans…and in a Helluva hurry!

Here are the important win/loss records at USC for Clay Helton as this moment:

Overall:  7 – 7

Pac-12:  5 – 3

The word we got from our USC-alum friend on Saturday night….

Clay Helton either wins 7 games in 2016…meaning USC will need to win 6 of its last 8 games this season…or the Clay Helton era at USC will be over shortly after the Notre Dame game on November 26.

Oh..Clay Helton better Damn beat UCLA and Notre Dame in getting those 7 wins!

Our opinion after talking to our USC-alum friend on Saturday night for a few hours:

Clay Helton better win 7-plus games or there is going to be a MEGA OFFER by USC to hire Tom Herman in 6 or so weeks that will make Herman the highest-paid coach in college football and with that in mind we would recommend that Helton’s Trojans beat Arizona State on Saturday night at the LA Coliseum!

SteveAddazio1181818

2.  Steve Addazio, Boston College – Steve Addazio’s Boston College team beat Total Damn Cupcake Wagner on Saturday which raised the Eagles overall record in 2016 to…

2 – 2

….which leaves Addazio’s win/loss records in four seasons at…

Overall:  19 – 23

ACC:  8 – 18

…and on Saturday BC plays host to Buffalo in a game that we would recommend Steve Addazio NOT lose because if the Eagles did lose to a Buffalo team at home then Addazio might not be the BC coach by Noon on Sunday!

It’s all very simple for Steve Addazio in 2016 IF Boston College can beat Buffalo on Saturday:

Win at least 6 games and Addazio will get another season at BC.

Don’t win at least 6 games and the Boston College job will open up in late November…if not sooner!

CharlieStrong288118

3.  Charlie Strong, Texas – Our Texas-alum friends are NOT Stupid and after Texas got beat by what many of us think is just an average California team coupled with Notre Dame’s defense being more porous than a 3-year old sponge Charlie Strong is now in a very dangerous spot where Charlie will either win several critical games coming up or he might be out of a job before the 2016 season is half over.

The numbers or Charlie Strong at Texas are very mediocre…

Overall:  13 – 15

Big 12:  9 – 9

…and even though we think the world of Charlie and are hoping he can turn Texas back into a college football power the TRUTH is that Notre Dame’s Total Damn Collapse has turned up the heat on Strong who is facing TWO CRITICAL games in the next TWO weeks…

At Oklahoma State
Oklahoma

….that with TWO losses could very well lead to Charlie Strong being shown the door before the Longhorns play Iowa State on October 15.

Oh Yes…Charlie Strong is in a very precarious situation and from what we have been told…

“Anything less than 8 wins in 2016 and Charlie is done….PERIOD!”

….because the Texas boys with very deep pockets are not going to be left on the outside looking in on the Tom Herman sweepstakes and if a change in the head coaching job at Texas has to be made and USC is offering Tom Herman…

$8 Million A Year

…the Texas Boys will go with…

$9 Million A Year!

Our recommendation to Charlie Strong:

Beat Oklahoma State on Saturday Charlie and for God’s Sake…start playing some Damn Defense!

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4.  Tim DeRuyter, Fresno State – The numbers since Fresno State won the Mountain West Conference title for the second straight time in 2013 are very ugly indeed for Tim DeRuyter and his Bulldogs….since 2013 Fresno State’s records at…

Overall:  10 – 18

MWC:  7 – 13

…and a home loss to Tulsa in two overtimes on Saturday just made things that much worse and now it’s either…

Start Winning Some Football Games

…for Tim DeRuyter or there will be a new head football coach for Fresno State come sometime in December.

How many games does Tim DeRuyter need to win in 2016 to keep his job?

At least 6 games total Tim…at least 6 games.

Now at 1 – 3 on the season and these games still left to be played…

At UNLV
At Nevada
San Diego State
At Utah State
Air Force
At Colorado State
Hawaii
San Jose State

….can the Bulldogs win 5 of their last 8 games?

If they can’t then Tim DeRuyter NEEDS to be fired!

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5.  Paul Haynes, Kent State – With the Alabama whipping of Kent State on Saturday Paul Haynes record coaching the Golden Flashes over the last FOUR seasons now stands at…

Overall:  10 – 29

MAC:  6 – 17

…and with KSU now at 1 – 3 on the 2016 season either Haynes will get his team to 6 wins in 2016 or Kent State will be looking for a new head coach come December.

Next up for Paul Haynes and Kent State…

Akron and head coach Terry Bowden at home on Saturday!

Good Luck with that Paul!

GusMalzahn11818

6.  Gus Malzahn, Auburn – We especially wanted to talk to some our Auburn friends after the Tigers close win over LSU on Saturday to get their opinions on the future of Gus Malzahn and it took until Tuesday afternoon to reach all of them and the general consensus among the Auburn alums we talked to is this…

Gus Malzahn will more than likely be back to coach at Auburn in 2017 IF the Tigers at least SEVEN games in 2016 and with that in mind and Auburn now sitting on a 2 – 2 record this season here is what AU have left to play:

La. Monroe
At Mississippi State
Arkansas
At Ole Miss
Vanderbilt
At Georgia
Alabama A&M
At Alabama

So Gus Malzahn has to win FIVE of his last EIGHT games to return as the Auburn coach in 2017 and he has…

TWO Total Damn Cupcakes in La. Monroe and Alabama A&M

Cupcakes81188

….so Malzahn has to win THREE of SIX games against…

At Mississippi State
Arkansas
At Ole Miss
Vanderbilt
At Georgia
At Alabama

Our opinion…if Gus Malzahn can’t win THREE of the above SIX games then he should be fired shortly after the Alabama game on November 26 because EVEN IF Malzahn finished at…

7 – 5

…in 2016 his win/loss records over the last THREE seasons…2014 – 2016….would stand at:

Overall:  22 – 16

SEC:  10 – 14

….and a coach at Auburn cannot possibly survive posting a record in SEC Conference play over three years of…

10 – 14

….right?

Hell…maybe the folks around and support Auburn Football are now willing to accept…

Average As Hell

….but then at Auburn a 10 – 14 SEC Conference record over three years isn’t even…

Average As Hell

….it’s MUCH WORSE!

Oh…if La. Monroe happened to beat Auburn on Saturday which is coached by Matt Viator who is a pretty Damn good football coach then we recommend the Alabama media pay close attention because we rather doubt that Gus Malzahn will be the head coach at Auburn by Noon on Sunday!

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7.  Will Muschamp, South Carolina – Some…make that Many…will say that it’s crazy to have Will Muschamp on the Hot Seat in his first year at South Carolina BUT we have a couple of close friends that are South Carolina alumni who have plenty of friends who were…

None Too Happy About Will Muschamp’s Hiring at USC

…and who are more than willing to throw their weight around if the 2016 season should turn into a…

Total and Complete Disaster for Muschamp at USC

….and if you can’t beat Kentucky….the 2016 season has the potential to turn into a…

Total and Complete Disaster for Muschamp at USC!

Now at 2 – 2 on the season Will Muschamp and South Carolina still have 8 games left against…

Texas A&M
Georgia
UMass
Tennessee
Missouri
At Florida
Western Carolina
At Clemson

…and we would recommend…and we are pulling for Will Muschamp….to win at least…

THREE of the last EIGHT games

…because if for some reason South Carolina finishes the 2016 season with wins only over…

Vanderbilt
East Carolina
UMass
Western Carolina

….we could recommend folks keep their eyes on Columbia come late November…just saying!

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8.  Brian Kelly, Notre Dame – One thing we tell our young employees is…

When you get into a position of power don’t be an Arrogant Ass

….because when you fail…and EVERYONE will fail at some time in their life….the people that sign your paychecks….

The Alumni, Boosters, and Fans of Notre Dame Football for Brian Kelly

….will be more likely to…

Kick Your Arrogant Ass to the Curb

…and that is what Brian Kelly is now facing if the 2016 season should turn into a Total and Complete Disaster after losses to Texas, Michigan State, and Duke to open the 2016 season.

Now at 1 – 3 the Non-Fighting Irish still have games against….

Syracuse
At NC State
Stanford
Miami
Navy
Army
Virginia Tech
At USC

….and it’s just a humble guess by the folks here at Coaches Hot Seat but we are thinking Notre Dame will win…

4….maybe 5…games in 2016

….and if Notre Dame wins 4…maybe 5…games in 2016…

Notre Dame will be looking for a new head football coach shortly after the USC game on November 26…

COUNT ON IT!

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9.  Darrell Hazell, Purdue – Darrell Hazell and his Purdue football team got a nice win at home over Nevada on Saturday which leaves Hazell’s records in FOUR seasons at the school at…

Overall:  8 – 31

Big Ten:  2 – 22

….and we have it on what we call Very Damn Good Authority that if Hazell wins less than 6 games in 2016 Purdue will be looking for a new head football coach shortly after the Indiana game on September 26!

Up next for Darrell Hazell and Purdue….at Maryland which has a first year coach in his first head coaching job which is a game that Purdue and Hazell SHOULD win but will they…

Not Bloody Likely!

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10.  Mark Stoops, Kentucky – We don’t know a whole lot of people around the University of Kentucky since we don’t follow college basketball like we do college football BUT we did reach what will call a “person of interest” in the Lexington area who told us on Monday of this week that…

“If Mark Stoops wins five games in 2016….Hell, maybe four games in 2016 he will be back to coach Kentucky next season.”

Geez…in your FOURTH year on the job at Kentucky you can win FOUR games and keep your job?

Well…this is Kentucky Football we are talking about here BUT with Kentucky now at 2 – 2 on the season and these games still to be played…

At Alabama
Vanderbilt
Mississippi State
At Missouri
Georgia
At Tennessee
Austin Peay
At Louisville

…can Mark Stoops and the Wildcats win just TWO of their last EIGHT games to save Mark Stoops job?

Now that is just Damn Silly that you can KEEP your job by winning TWO of your last EIGHT games but then can UK and Stoops even do that?

Maybe….Just Damn Maybe!

If Mark Stoops does win only 3 games in 2016…

Kentucky will be looking for a new head football coach shortly after Bobby Petrino and Louisville BEATS the Living Hell out of the Wildcats on November 26!

Post Week 3 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – It’s Early In The Season Yes…But That Doesn’t Mean Mr. Johnny Cash Isn’t Already Giving These Hot Seat Coaches Hell!

 

Post Week 3 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

A chair on fire... metaphor "In The Hot Seat"

It’s Early In The Season Yes…But That Doesn’t Mean Mr. Johnny Cash Isn’t Already Giving These Hot Seat Coaches Hell!

Post Week 3 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

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1.  Gus Malzahn, Auburn – The most shocking thing about the…

Fall of Gus Malzahn at Auburn

…is how Fast + Far the Fall has been and if one goes back to Saturday, October 4, 2014 which is the day that Auburn beat LSU at home by the score of…

41 – 7

….over the past two-plus seasons Gus Malzahn has posted TWO records that are nothing less than a…

Total and Complete Disaster at Auburn!

In Gus Malzahn’s Last 18 games against Power 5 Conference Schools his win/loss record is…

5 – 13

….and in Gus Malzahn’s Last 15 SEC Conference Games his win/loss record is…

4 – 11

Sorry….NO Coach can survive those kinds of records at Auburn and that means the BIGGEST game of Gus Malzahn’s coaching career is this coming Saturday night at home against an LSU team that is wobbling as well and also has a coach on the Hot Seat in Les Miles because very simply….

Gus Malzahn CANNOT Lose to LSU at home on Saturday night!

According to Tyler Thompson at Kentucky Sports Radio who did a nice breakdown of the current buyouts in the SEC…

Comparing Mark Stoops’ buyout to the rest of the SEC, Tyler Thompson, Kentucky Sports Radio

….Gus Malzahn’s buyout if fired at the end of the 2016 season would be…

$8.95 Million Dollars

….which is Beyond Damn Absurd although not as Absurd as the $12 Million Dollars that Kentucky would owe Mark Stoops if fired, and if we were in a position of power at Auburn University right now we would be wondering?

Who in the Hell is hiring and signing these Beyond Damn Absurd contracts with Auburn Head Football Coaches that would if Gus Malzahn is fired after this season lead to Auburn paying out…

North of $20 Million Dollars to buyout Tommy Tuberville, Gene Chizik and Gus Malzahn!

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That would be Auburn AD Jay Jacobs who is a Helluva nice man and talented college athletic sports administrator but unfortunately it seems that Jay like many ADs in FBS today have…

No Damn Respect for other people’s money meaning the Fans, Boosters, Alumni and anyone else that spends their hard-earned money on Auburn Football and Athletics!

Our opinion on the Auburn situation: If Auburn can’t beat what is a Very Average LSU team at home on The Plains the Tigers will be lucky to win…

6 Games in 2016!

Yes…it’s that bad at Auburn and someone at Auburn better have a Damn plan in place if the 2016 season melts down in the coming weeks!

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2.  Steve Addazio, Boston College – Let this sink in for a moment…

In Steve Addazio’s 41 st game at Boston College in his FOURTH season on the job his BC football team just got beat…

49 – 0

….by a team in Virginia Tech with a first-year head coach in Justin Fuente who took over a Hokies team that won SIX games in the 2015 regular season!

There is NO DAMN EXCUSE for Steve Addazio to take a team to Blacksburg and lose 49 – 0 to what is still a finding-its-way Virginia Tech team and with that loss Steve Addazio’s records at BC dropped to…

Overall:  18 – 23

ACC:  8 – 18

….and over the last two seasons Steve Addazio is now sitting on a record of…

4 – 11!

Geez….you think things are coming apart at Boston College with the Eagles next REAL game after playing Cupcakes Wagner and Buffalo in the next two weeks being Clemson at home?

Yes…things are coming apart at Boston College and the word on the street in Boston where it seems BC-alums are finally coming to their senses before their football program goes in the totally in the toilet…

Anything less than 6 wins in 2016 and Steve Addazio is DONE come late November.

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3.  Darrell Hazell, Purdue – Purdue has a bye in Week 3 and gets back to playing with a home game against Nevada on Saturday in a game that flat-out…

Darrell Hazell CANNOT Lose

….because a loss to Nevada to drop to 1 – 2 on the season with NINE Big Ten games left to play would be…

Forget Turning Out the Lights Because There is No Damn Electricity

….for the Purdue Boilermakers in 2016!

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4.  Clay Helton, USC – It hasn’t been easy to reach our USC-alum friends especially as they let sink in that..

Stanford has won EIGHT of the last TEN games against USC

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….but we did get what we will call a Very Damn Influential USC-alum on the phone on Monday morning at his office overlooking the Pacific Ocean in Santa Monica and here is what he said about Clay Helton when asked…

“Clay Helton is a nice man but anything less than NINE wins this season and it’s over for Clay. We know (meaning USC-alums) we will have to raise a lot of money to get someone like Tom Herman, but we are determined to make USC football relevant again whatever the cost may be.”

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With the above in mind USC plays at Utah on Saturday and with a loss Clay Helton’s overall record coaching the Trojans would drop to…

7 – 7

…and we recommend to Clay Helton that…

Your Trojans BEAT Utah Son!

Oh…what is a “lot of money” in the mind of a Very Damn Influential USC-alum to hire someone like Tom Herman you ask?

$10M A Year meaning the Highest Paid Coach in College Football!

Yep…USC-alums are not happy and they are willing to take out their checkbooks to show just how unhappy they are with the current state of USC Football!

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5.  Les Miles, LSU – Talk about what would be nothing less than a…

Total and Complete Disaster

…what if Les Miles LSU team went to Auburn this coming Saturday night and lost to Auburn team that looks like it has No Damn Clue what stadium it is playing in?

Oh that would be a…Total and Complete Disaster…which is why this Saturday’s LSU vs. Auburn game is one of those….

A CANNOT Lose Game for both Les Miles and Gus Malzahn

…with the losing coach being taken straight to Cape Kennedy after the game to be put on a rocket to launch him and his ass Straight Towards the Face of the Sun!

OK…we have seen LSU play against Wisconsin, Jacksonville State, and Mississippi State this year and the Tigers looked like a very AVERAGE football team in all three games and if one looks at what is left on LSU’s schedule…

At Auburn
Missouri
At Florida
Southern Miss
Ole Miss
Alabama
At Arkansas
South Alabama
At Texas A&M

…how many games can Les Miles and his football team realistically win in 2016?

We say…no more than EIGHT games and anything less than TEN wins and Les Miles is done come December and if LSU fans want to hire Tom Herman or Bobby Petrino for that matter they better like our USC-alum friends be ready to…

Write Some BIG Checks!

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6.  Ron Turner, Florida International – With the FIU loss to UMass on Saturday head coach Ron Turner’s records at FIU now stand at…

Overall:  10 – 29

CUSA:  7 – 17

….an do we need to write any more about Ron Turner at FIU?

NO is the answer to that question!

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7.  Mark Stoops, Kentucky – At first we thought it was an Internet Joke that Kentucky head coach Mark Stoops had a…

$12 Million Dollar Buyoutat Kentucky but as Tyler Thompson has shown doing some great research…

Comparing Mark Stoops’ buyout to the rest of the SEC, Tyler Thompson, Kentucky Sports Radio

…that $12 Million Dollar buyout DO BE TRUE which again shows that another AD…this time Kentucky AD Mitch Barnhart…doesn’t…

Know His Ass From the Side of a Barn

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….because when Mark Stoops was given this Totally Damn Absurd Contract and Buyout…

Mark Stoops had done NOTHING to have earned such a RICH payout

…but then don’t feel bad Mitch Barnhart…

College Athletics is riddled with Total Damn Complete Moron ADs that seem to love giving away Other People’s Hard-Earned Money!

With Kentucky’s come from behind win over woeful New Mexico State on Saturday Mark Stoops records at UK now stand at…

Overall:  13 – 26

SEC:  4 – 21

….and with these games still left on the Wildcats schedule…

South Carolina
At Alabama
Vanderbilt
Mississippi State
At Missouri
Georgia
At Tennessee
Austin Peay
At Louisville

….we don’t see Kentucky winning more than…

FOUR Games in 2016

…and even though Kentucky would owe Mark Stoops the Totally Damn Absurd…

$12 Million Dollars

…if fired after the season how could Kentucky keep on a head football coach that won…

FOUR Games in his FOURTH season on the job?

They COULD NOT is the answer to that question!

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8.  Charlie Strong, Texas – A few Coaches Hot Seat members were at the Texas – Cal game at Memorial Stadium on Saturday night and the word they brought back to us on Sunday was that….

Texas let the Cal wide-receivers run wild and didn’t pressure the Bears QB

…and if you allow that to happen with ANY spread-passing offensive attack as Cal…and many Big 12 schools now run….you are going to give up a Helluva LOT of points and…

Giving up 50 Points to Cal when Cal only scored 51 on woeful Hawaii and only 40 on San Diego State

…is not only Not Freaking Acceptable is it borderline a Firing Offense when you are in your THIRD season on the job as Charlie Strong is at Texas.

The Problem that Charlie Strong is now facing is that many schools in the Big 12 play an offense just like Cal’s and Charlie better get the Texas Defense fixed and quick because look what’s coming up for the Horns…

At Oklahoma State
Oklahoma
Iowa State
At Kansas State
Baylor
At Texas Tech
West Virginia
At Kansas
TCU

Hell…if Texas plays like they did against Cal the rest of the season the Horns will win….

FIVE…Maybe SIX Games in 2016 and if that happens…

Charlie Strong will NOT be the head coach at Texas come December….PERIOD!

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9.  Tim DeRuyter, Fresno State – Since Tim DeRuyter and his Fresno State football team won the Mountain West Conference in 2013 his Bulldogs have posted records over the past three seasons of…

Overall:  10 – 19

MWC:  7 – 9

…and the proud folks that support Fresno State football are just NOT going to tolerate that kind of football for much longer and thus why Tim DeRuyter better get things turned around in the Valley or he will be out of a job at the end of this season.

Now at 1 – 2 on the season and looking at what is left on Fresno State’s schedule in 2016…

Tulsa
At UNLV
At Nevada
San Diego State
At Utah State
Air Force
At Colorado State
Hawaii
San Jose State

…there is NO reason for the Bulldogs to win less than…

SEVEN Games in 2016

…and SEVEN Wins in 2016 is probably what DeRuyter needs to keep his job at Fresno State!

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10.  Paul Haynes, Kent State – Hey, Hey, Hey…Kent State and head coach Paul Haynes got a win on Saturday against Monmouth which is enough to temper much of the enthusiasm for the win….especially when one sees who the Golden Flashes are playing next…

Alabama in Tuscaloosa!

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Uhhhh…Good Luck with that Paul Haynes!

Paul Hayne’s win/loss records in FOUR seasons at Kent State:

Overall:  10 – 28

MAC:  6 – 17

Make that 10 – 29 with the Crimson Tide looming!

Post Week 2 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – 1 – 10 Hot Seat Head Coaches – These Coaches on the Hot Seat might not like it Mr. Cash…but Give Them Hell Anyway!

 

Post Week 2 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – 1 – 10 Hot Seat Head Coaches

A chair on fire... metaphor "In The Hot Seat"

These Coaches on the Hot Seat might not like it Mr. Cash…but Give Them Hell Anyway!

Post Week 2 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

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1.  Les Miles, LSU – When you have a quarterback that has played as much football as LSU QB Brandon Harris it’s the Height of Idiocy for that QB to have his head coach saying things like this about him…

“We’re trying to get Brandon comfortable and settled down,” Miles said, “but I don’t know if that will happen.”

….because reality is Les Miles…either Brandon Harris is by now…

Ready to Play Football or Not Ready to Play Football

…and any random teenager that is fan of the great game of football can see that…

Brandon Harris is just Flat-Out NOT Ready to Play Football!

We don’t have a clue if Purdue transfer QB Danny Etling is the answer to LSU’s offensive woes but we for Damn sure know…

There are at least three dozen 30, 40, and 50 something old former football players that are members at Coaches Hot Seat that are much older than LSU QB Brandon Harris who are right now BETTER quarterbacks than Brandon Harris will EVER be in college and with that in mind…

It’s time for Les Miles to ride Danny Etling to try and get his ass off the Hot Seat because if Brandon Harris is the LSU QB in 2016

….Les Miles will be working on TV in 2017 doing analyst work on games which isn’t a bad gig but for Damn sure it’s not the same as being the head coach of the….

LSU Tigers Football Team!

Can’t you just see Les Miles doing color on a football game on TV = “He really gave him his chest on that play!”

Yes…a win over a decent FCS team in Jacksonville State is nice but let’s not forget that in Les Miles last 20 football games against Power 5 Conference Teams he has a record of…

12 – 8

…and now over the next four weeks of the season Les Miles and LSU will get to play what is no doubt the most crucial stretch in Miles head coaching career against the following teams:

Mississippi State
At Auburn
Missouri
At Florida

The TRUTH is that if Les Miles loses just 2 of the next 4 games against the above teams the chances of Miles returning to coach at LSU in 2017 drop to around 10% because with 3 losses on the board with still games against..

A Pretty Good Southern Miss team
Ole Miss
Alabama
At Arkansas
South Alabama
At Texas A&M

….there is no way in Hell LSU loses fewer than FOUR games in 2016 and from what we have been told if LSU loses more than THREE games this season…

Les Miles is DONE in Baton Rouge

….and even THREE losses might lead to Miles firing come December if one of those losses to Alabama again.

Bottom-Line in the immediate future for Les Miles at LSU:

LSU CANNOT lose at home to Mississippi State on Saturday night….PERIOD!

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2.  Gus Malzahn, Auburn – As Gus Malzahn knows Arkansas State has a decent football program that has achieved a lot in recent years with a very small amount of resources especially compared to place like Auburn where Gus Malzahn has…

EVERYTHING HE NEEDS

….to win football games, SEC Conference Titles, and National Championships which brings us to the important numbers as it related to Gus Malzahn at Auburn.

Forget about Gus Malzahn’s first year at Auburn in 2013 which included just Total Fluke wins over both Georgia and Alabama which launched the Tigers into the National Title game and focus instead on the last three seasons…

2014 – 2016

….because the TREND is what is important for Malzahn and over the last three seasons Gus Malzahn’s records at Auburn now stand at:

Overall:  16 – 12

SEC:  6 – 10

Sorry….NO Coach can survive the above win-loss numbers at Auburn over even a short period of time with the amount of money that Auburn Athletics is spending on the Tigers football program which is really not an identifiable number since there is…

NOTHING

…that Gus Malzahn could ask for and not get which means that either Gus Malzahn performs in 2016 or there will be a new head coach of the Auburn Tigers come before the New Year.

Now at 1 – 1 on the season and Gus Malzahn needing from what we have been told in recent days…

“At least 8 wins to keep his job.”

….means that Malzahn and his Tigers will need to find 7 wins out of their remaining 10 games against:

Texas A&M
LSU
La. Monroe
At Mississippi State
Arkansas
At Ole Miss
Vanderbilt
At Georgia
Alabama A&M
At Alabama

Well…Auburn will certainly beat La. Monroe and Alabama A&M which gives Malzahn…

3 Wins

….which means the Tigers will need to win 5 of their remaining 8 games against…

Texas A&M
LSU
At Mississippi State
Arkansas
At Ole Miss
Vanderbilt
At Georgia
At Alabama

…and if you give Auburn a win over Vandy that is…4 wins against the below 7 teams…

Texas A&M
LSU
At Mississippi State
Arkansas
At Ole Miss
At Georgia
At Alabama

Hell…if Gus Malzahn and Auburn can’t win 4 games against the above 7 teams with the amount of resources and talent that Malzahn has access to then no doubt in our minds….

Gus Malzahn SHOULD be fired shortly after the Iron Bowl against Alabama in late November!

Do you think it’s important for Gus Malzahn and his Tigers to win the next 2 home games against Texas &M and LSU?

You Better Damn Believe Winning Those Two Games Is VERY Damn Important!

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3.  Mark Stoops, Kentucky – In his third year at Kentucky with Mark Stoops sitting on records of…

Overall:  12 – 26

SEC:  4 – 21

….and regardless of the size of Stoops buyout the margin of error is becoming smaller and smaller for Bob Stoops younger brother starting with a MUST WIN game against New Mexico State on Saturday in Lexington which with a loss would…

Effectively END the Mark Stoops Era at Kentucky

This is all very Damn simple for Mark Stoops….a defensive coach like Stoops just flat-out CANNOT give up…

44 points to Southern Miss
45 points to Florida

….and keep his job and with New Mexico State beating New Mexico this past weekend there could be a new name for “Waterloo” in the English language…

“Lexington” meaning when an era came to an end in America with this era being the Mark Stoops one at Kentucky!

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4.  Darrell Hazell, Purdue – Sorry…but in your FOURTH season at a Big Ten school like Purdue you should NOT be losing at home to a team like Cincinnati and with that loss to the Bearcats Darrell Hazell’s records with the Boilermakers drops to…

Overall:  7 – 31

Big Ten:  2 – 22

….and if the current trend continues one would think that Purdue will have a new head football coach come December.

Oh…a good way for Darrell Hazell to stop the “trend” would be for his football team to beat Nevada at home in their next game on September 24 before the Big Ten season gets underway!

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5.  Steve Addazio, Boston College – Steve Addazio’s Boston College football team HAD to beat UMass on Saturday and the Eagles got that win but then we are still talking about…

UMass

….which is about equal to beating a plate of cupcakes on any kitchen counter and that is why Addazio’s BC team needs to keep the ball rolling by beating Virginia Tech on Saturday in Blacksburg with what should be EASY WINS against Wagner and Buffalo looming in Weeks 4 and 5.

We finally got an old Boston friend of ours on the phone this past week and he did some asking around with his Boston College friends on what Addazio has to do to return for the 2017 season as head coach of the BC Eagles and his findings are:

“Win 7 football games….isn’t that pitiful?”

There you have it Steve Addazio…”win 7 football games” in your FOURTH season on the job and you will get a FIFTH season at BC!

As Jed Clampett used to tell Jethro….”Pitiful…Just Pitiful!”

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6.  Paul Haynes, Kent State – Paul Haynes Kent State football team lost to North Carolina A&T over the weekend in FOUR overtimes so give the Flashes props for playing hard but with that loss to NC A&T Paul Haynes records at Kent State dropped to…

Overall:  9 – 27

MAC:  6 – 17

….and remember Haynes took over a Flashes team that had won 11 games in 2012 under former KSU head coach Darrell Hazell!

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Hey…there’s a thought! When Darrell Hazell gets his ass fired by Purdue later this year he should come back and coach Kent State where he won 11 games in 2012!

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7.  Ron Turner, Florida International – Ron Turner’s FIU team lost to Maryland on Saturday…

Alert the Press…..NOT!

…and now in his FOURTH season as the head coach at FIU Ron Turner’s records now stand at:

Overall:  10 – 28

CUSA:  7 – 17

Forget Turn Out the Lights the Party’s Over…..this Ron Turner Party at FIU NEVER Got Started!

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8.  Will Muschamp, South Carolina – We watched most of the Mississippi State – South Carolina game last night when it was being replayed on one of the ESPN channels and if TRUTH be neither…

MSU or USC looked like very good football teams

….not that Will Muschamp really needs a very good football team in his first season in Columbia because what he needs is SIX wins to get his ass off the Hot Seat and with these games left…

East Carolina
At Kentucky
Texas A&M
Georgia
UMass
Tennessee
Missouri
At Florida
Western Carolina
At Clemson

….can Coach Boom find FIVE more wins among the remaining TEN games?

Well…let’s give USC the UMass and Western Carolina games which means Coach Boom needs THREE more wins out of the remaining EIGHT games…

Hell, if Will Muschamp can’t win THREE of EIGHT football games we will fly to Columbia in early December and fire his ass ourselves!

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9.  Clay Helton, USC – Someone at USC got the message that Clay Helton’s ass will be run out of Los Angeles if the Trojans don’t win a Helluva lot more than SIX games in 2016 and on Saturday USC played with a lot more focus against Utah State winning 45 – 7 and up next is…

Mighty Stanford on The Farm!

For those that follow Stanford Football closely as we do here at Coaches Hot Seat it is historical that Stanford is going for…

7 wins in the last 10 games against USC

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….on Saturday and even with the Trojans struggling it should be a Helluva football game because the Cardinal has a number of problems it needs to fix on both sides of the ball in what is clearly…

A MUST and DESPERATE TO WIN GAME for both Stanford and USC

….which is the kind of football game we love to watch and attend and no doubt there will be two dozen-plus from Coaches Hot Seat on The Farm on Saturday and with that mind…

Let’s Play some USC vs. Stanford Football!

As for Clay Helton the latest we have heard from our USC-alum friends in Los Angeles…

Anything LESS than 8 wins and USC is looking for a new head coach come December and that is straight from someone that could…

Buy and Sell most of Santa Monica this afternoon!

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10.  Kevin Sumlin, Texas A&M – Kevin Sumlin GOT the start he had to have to begin the 2016 season with wins over UCLA and Prairie View BUT what our A&M-alum family members and friends are watching is Sumlin’s record in SEC Conference play which in his FIFTH season on the job in College Station stands at…

17 – 15

….and the TRUTH is…

If Kevin Sumlin goes 4 – 4 or worse in SEC Conference play in 2016 he is DONE at Texas A&M…PERIOD.

Yes…the Auburn game on Saturday on The Plains is HUGE for both Gus Malzahn and Kevin Sumlin and that’s what makes the game so Damn delicious to those of us in the peanut gallery!

Post Week 1 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – Give These Hot Seat Coaches Hell Johnny Cash! – The TENTH Season of Coaches Hot Seat Is Now Underway! – Let’s Play Football!

 

Post Week 1 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

A chair on fire... metaphor "In The Hot Seat"

It’s been quite awhile since we have typed this so this feels rather good….give these Hot Seat Coaches Hell Johnny Cash!

Post Week 1 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

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1.  Les Miles, LSU – We waited a day to write the Post Week 1 Coaches Hot Seat Analysis to talk to our good friends in Baton Rouge…who have been struggling mightily in recent weeks….about the Tigers loss to Wisconsin, and needless to say the general feeling from the folks we have talked to down on the bayou now believe they have been taken for a ride and left on the side of the road by Les Miles and more importantly that as one LSU-alum friend told us….

“It’s clear now that Les Miles will take down the LSU football program on the cross of his massive ego!”

An interesting record that we have been tracking here at Coaches Hot Seat is Les Miles’ record against Power 5 Conference Schools since the beginning of the 2014 college football season which after the loss to Wisconsin now stands at….

2014:  5 – 4
2015:  7 – 3
2016:  0 – 1

12 – 8  (.600)

….which is a STUNNING and DISASTROUS record considering the amount of talent that ANY coach can recruit to LSU on a regular basis and that over the past three football seasons the TRUTH is…

LSU has had and now has on campus as much talent as any team in college football….PERIOD!

We asked a good LSU-Cajun friend of ours in Baton Rouge to tell us what is coming down the pike for Les Miles and the Tigers and his response on Tuesday was…

“I don’t know, but if LSU loses to Jacksonville State Les Miles and Cam Cameron will be fired on Saturday night before they leave the athletic offices and Ed Orgeron will be the interim head coach of the Tigers.”

Hmmmm….checking the latest FCS Coaches Rankings from September 5, 2016 Jacksonville State is now ranked…

#5 in the country in FCS Football

…but has what…

10 to 15 times LESS talent than LSU?

Yep…that’s about right and if Jacksonville State does beat LSU on Saturday Les Miles should be fired on the spot before he leaves Tiger Stadium and he should be forced to clean-out his office before he leaves the LSU campus….in our humble opinion….ditto for Cam Cameron.

If LSU does beat Jacksonville State next up is a Mississippi State team at home that just lost to South Alabama and Auburn football program on the road that on offense looks in about much disarray as a team can look above the Pee Wee football level in America!

Speaking of the Auburn Tigers…

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2.  Gus Malzahn, Auburn – Beyond the fact that the Clemson offense didn’t look like it had a Damn clue to what it was doing on Saturday night which may or may not have something to do with improved play by the Auburn defense, we here at Coaches Hot Seat just don’t…

Have A Damn Freaking Clue what Gus Malzahn was doing on Saturday night with the Auburn offense and quarterbacks and we have the sneaking suspicion that Gus Malzahn Doesn’t Have A Damn Freaking Clue what he is doing either!

The calculus at Auburn is very easy to understand…

Anything less than 8 wins and Gus Malzahn and more than likely Auburn AD Jay Jacobs are both DONE on The Plains come December and with the loss to Clemson and this schedule left to be played….

Arkansas State
Texas A&M
LSU
La. Monroe
At Mississippi State
Arkansas
At Ole Miss
Vanderbilt
At Georgia
Alabama A&M
At Alabama

….we only see THREE…MAYBE….FOUR more sure wins left on Auburn’s schedule and giving Gus Malzahn FOUR wins from the remaining 11 games that means the Tigers will have to find FOUR other wins somehow in 2016 and even if the Auburn defense is much improved does anyone think the Tigers offense will be anything but…

The Biggest Damn Disaster in College Football in 2016?

Good Luck to Gus Malzahn and if Auburn loses to Arkansas State at home on Saturday….

Gus Malzahn might very well be fired before he leaves the Auburn campus on Saturday night!

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3.  Steve Addazio, Boston College – Both Georgia Tech and Boston College looked like very AVERAGE football teams in their little sojourn to Dublin, Ireland to play a football game, and if there is one thing that Steve Addazio cannot afford in 2016 is for his Eagles football team to be AVERAGE again and with that loss to the Yellow Jackets Addazio is now facing the BIGGEST game of his tenure at BC this Saturday in an away game against…

UMass

With a road game at Virginia Tech up next there is the real chance that…

Steve Addazio could be fired on Saturday evening if his BC Eagles lose to UMass and in our opinion in his FOURTH season at Boston College if Addazio should lose to UMass on Saturday…

Steve Addazio SHOULD be fired on Saturday night!

Just for the record Steve Addazio’s records in FOUR seasons at BC now stand at:

Overall:  17 – 22

ACC:  8 – 17

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4.  Mark Stoops, Kentucky – The MOST shocking number in the Southern Miss win over Kentucky by the score of…

44 – 35

…was that Southern Miss scored 44 points on Kentucky in Mark Stoops 37 th game as the head coach of the Wildcats and Mark Stoops is supposed to know something about defense…right?

RIGHT!

Here’s the ugly reality for Mark Stoops and the Kentucky Wildcats right now:

If Southern Miss can score 44 points on Kentucky then even some of the anemic offense in the SEC will be able to hang 30 points on the Wildcats this season and we have some news for fans of UK Football…

Kentucky will not be able to score 30+ points on offense in 2016 against SEC-level defenses…PERIOD!

Up next for Kentucky after that nothing less than…

A Total Freaking Disaster of a Loss to Southern Miss

At Florida

The reality is that the expectations are so low for Kentucky Football right now both inside and outside the Kentucky Athletic Department that Mark Stoops could probably get away with not getting to 6 wins in 2016 in his FOURTH year on the job, but we rather doubt that Mark Stoops could survive less than 5 wins this season even if his buyout is $10 Million Plus Dollars as has been reported in the Kentucky media.

With Florida, South Carolina, Alabama, Mississippi State, Georgia, Tennessee, and Louisville still left on Kentucky’s schedule and with that loss to Southern Miss there is the very REAL chance Kentucky wins FOUR or less games in 2016 and if that happens in Mark Stoops FOURTH season at UK then this is all very simple:

The Mark Stoops era at Kentucky is OVER….PERIOD!

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5.  Clay Helton, USC – The first call from a USC-alum friend of ours came during the week of The Masters in April and that call went something like this….

“The USC Football program is in total disarray….I was just over there and it’s like no one is in charge of anything.”

Since then the calls from USC-alum friends our of the same vain kept coming and then in August we got a call from an USC-alum friend of ours that also happens to be a surgeon and who is thus busy as Hell who says on the phone…

“I think this season is going to be a Complete F-ing Disaster for USC!”

After the 52 – 6 Total Damn Debacle against Alabama when the USC Football Team basically…

Did Not Show Up in the Second Half of the game against Bama

….the “Complete F-ing Disaster” of a season is officially underway and up next for Clay Helton and the Trojans is Utah State in the Coliseum on Saturday and if the Trojans should lose this game at home with a road game against Stanford up next…

Clay Helton might not make it to the SIXTH game of the season against Colorado as the head coach of the Trojans!

One thing we know for Damn Sure…

It’s a Total Damn Embarrassment for USC and the Pac-12 Conference that in our opinion…

USC Football Gave-Up and QUIT against Alabama in the second-half on Saturday

…and if the Trojans QUIT and lose to Utah State on Saturday Clay Helton MUST be fired right after the game…PERIOD!

By the way….in Two-Plus Seasons at USC now…Clay Helton’s record after the loss to Alabama…

6 – 5!

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6.  Kevin Sumlin, Texas A&M – Kevin Sumlin must have seen his coaching career flash before his eyes in the fourth quarter against UCLA on Saturday because to lose to the Bruins in that way….meaning in letting UCLA come back and win the game after the Aggies were way up…would have been the WORST scenario for Sumlin who is flat-out right now on…

A Knife’s Edge relative to his job status in College Station

…and who cannot afford ANY train crashes in 2016, and with that in mind and with the win over the Bruins now in the books the only thing that matters now is somehow…someway for the Aggies to get to…

8-Plus Wins in 2016

…because ANYTHING less than 8-Plus Wins in 2016 for the Aggies and Kevin Sumlin’s head coaching career will come to screeching halt come December!

Let’s look at what A&M has left on their schedule:

Prairie View
At Auburn
Arkansas – Dallas
At South Carolina
Tennessee
At Alabama
New Mexico State
At Mississippi State
Ole Miss
Texas – San Antonio
LSU

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Well…Kevin Sumlin and his Aggies SHOULD be able to find 7 more wins in their last 11 games….with THREE Cupcakes on their plate…which means A&M only needs to go .500 in SEC play so…

There really are NO more excuses…right Kevin Sumlin?

RIGHT!

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7.  Darrell Hazell, Purdue – The expectations for Purdue football are at such a low level now that Darrell Hazell could probably get away with win 4 or 5 wins in his FOURTH season on the job and get a FIFTH season which is…

So Damn Freaking Pitiful

….since we remember well the Joe Tiller years at Purdue BUT with that opening season win over Cupcake Eastern Kentucky the Boilermakers still have these teams to play in 2016…

Cincinnati
Nevada
At Maryland
At Illinois
Iowa
At Nebraska
Penn State
At Minnesota
Northwestern
Wisconsin
At Indiana

…and if Purdue can’t get to 4 or 5 wins with what they have left then Darrell Hazell SHOULD be fired but then if we were the AD at Purdue we would have told Hazell before the season something like…

“This is your fourth season at Purdue Darrell and it’s either six wins and a bowl or we are moving on to another coach in December. Now Good Luck to you Son.”

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8.  Tim DeRuyter, Fresno State – The way Fresno State has played the last few years we gave the Bulldogs little chance to beat Nebraska in Lincoln on Saturday and not surprisingly the Huskers won the game 43 – 10 which runs Tim DeRuyter’s record over the last THREE seasons at Fresno to…

9 – 18

…which is the kind of record that will get your ass fired at Fresno State and why in 2016 it’s either…

Six Wins Plus in 2016

…or the Tim DeRuyter-era at Fresno State will be over shortly after the Bulldogs last game against San Jose State on November 26.

Up next for Fresno State is Sacramento State which should be a WIN and then a critical road game at Tulsa which Tim DeRuyter and his Bulldogs will NEED to win with a lot of tough Mountain West Conference games still on their schedule.

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9.  Butch Jones, Tennessee – The Pitiful Reality of Tennessee Football in Butch Jones FOURTH season on the job is that in the first game of the 2016 season at home against a team in Appalachian State which the Vols have at least FOUR to FIVE more times talent than….

The Tennessee Football Team was just NOT ready to play

…and having your team ready to play is the responsibility of the head coach Butch Jones and by all rights…

Appalachian State SHOULD have beaten Tennessee

…which would have put Butch Jones at the top of the Coaches Hot Seat Rankings even ahead of the…

Total Damn Disaster that is Les Miles in Baton Rouge!

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Forget about the Battle of Bristol and the show that will accompany a football game being played at a NASCAR track because the TRUTH is…

Butch Jones is coaching the biggest game of his coaching career on Saturday against Virginia Tech

…because if Virginia Tech which won SIX games in 2016 and has a first-year head coach in Justin Fuente can beat Tennessee in Butch Jones FOURTH year on the job then…

What exactly is the point of Butch Jones being the head coach at Tennessee?

There is NONE is the answer to that question!

Forget about the game against Florida in Knoxville on September 24…because if Butch Jones and his Vols lose this game to Virginia Tech on Saturday….

The Entire Damn Vol Nation is going to IMPLODE and Butch Jones will be sitting on the Hottest Seat in America!

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10.  Paul Haynes, Kent State – With Kent State’s expected loss to Penn State in the opening game Paul Haynes record at Kent State now stands at:

Overall:  9 – 27

MAC:  6 – 17

Yes…those kind of records will get you fired at Kent State and before the Golden Flashes travel to play at Alabama on September 24 Paul Haynes and his football team REALLY need to win their next two games against…

North Carolina A&T
Monmouth

Good Luck Paul Haynes!

Gus Malzahn Is Sitting On One of the Hottest Seats in College Football Entering the 2016 College Football Season….and Should Be After What Was Nothing Less Than A Complete Freaking Disaster For Auburn Football In 2015! – Our Contact “Around” Auburn Lays Out the Reality That Now Faces Gus Malzahn AND Auburn AD Jay Jacobs = 2016 Is A Critical Year For BOTH Men! – Good Luck Gus!

 

OK…we West Coasters at Coaches Hot Seat will admit it…

We are loving us some SEC Football

….and since the late 1980s when a few Coaches Hot Seat members were serving in the US Navy in the Jacksonville, Florida area when a couple of us first ran into the Head Ball Coach Steve Spurrier at a Florida practice in Gainesville we have been lucky enough to have seen 100+ SEC football games in person, and there is not a more passionate place that loves their football more than at…

Auburn University!

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Yes….the folks at Alabama love their football team BUT not more than the folks at Auburn love theirs and that is why there is so much distress these days on The Plains because the Mighty Alabama Crimson Tide under Nick Saban has won…

4 of the last 7 National Championships

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….while Auburn has won what exactly?

ONE National Championship since 1957!

Yes…current Auburn head coach Gus Malzahn took the Auburn Tigers to the National Title Game in 2013 after what were nothing less than…

Two Luckier Than Hell Plays Against Georgia and Alabama at the end of the 2013 season

….BUT since Auburn lost to FSU in that 2013-14 Bogus BCS National Title Game one Gus Malzahn has put-up records of….

Overall:  15 – 11

SEC:  6 – 10

….over the last two seasons and we have some news for Gus Malzahn and his immediate family:

If there is not SIGNIFICANT improvement in the Auburn Tigers football team in 2016 Auburn will be looking for a new head football coach come December.

Now…we here at Coaches Hot Seat being good business folks or what they would call “bidness folks” in the South have always made a point of making lots of contacts during our business endeavors, and that approach has extended to the great game of college football during our 40-plus years of watching this great game, and we now have a group of contacts across college football that we believe rivals anyone….and we happen to have a GREAT contact “around” Auburn who we have been talking to a lot over the past 6 months on the status of one….Gus Malzahn.

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We recently talked again to our contact “around” Auburn and asked him straight-out:

Coaches Hot Seat:  “What does Gus Malzahn have to do in 2016 to keep his job at Auburn?”

Auburn Contact:  “Whoa now boys…no one said Gus Malzahn is about t o be fired…but I will say there is plenty of pink paper in the Auburn athletic offices at the ready if Malzahn and his football team don’t perform this season and a pink slip has to be delivered.”

Coaches Hot Seat:  “What the Hell does that mean?”

Auburn Contact:  “Well now boys….Jay Jacobs (the Auburn AD) thinks very highly of the Auburn football program and believes it should compete toe-to-toe with Alabama and other SEC heavyweights EVERY year and if Malzahn should have another 8, 7 or Heaven help us 6 win or less season then Jacobs will no doubt have a list of coaches at the ready to make a move later this year.”

Coaches Hot Seat:  “Any guesses who might be on Jay Jacobs short-list to replace a fired Gus Malzahn?”

Auburn Contact:  “Well boys…you didn’t hear this from me….but if you asked me to guess I would think Jay’s list would include…in order mind you…

Jimbo Fisher
Mark Dantonio
Art Briles
Gary Patterson
Dan Mullen
Tom Herman

Coaches Hot Seat:  “Geez…that’s a pretty strong list of coaches!”

Auburn Contact:  “Well boys….if Jay Jacobs has to fire a third head football coach (Tuberville, Chizik, Malzahn) since 2008 you can bet your bottom Dollar this time Jay will go big and be bringing a Heckuva lot of money with him…..meaning Saban-type money.”

Coaches Hot Seat:  “That would be $7 million dollars plus per season.”

Auburn Contact:  “Exactly….Auburn cannot make another mistake in hiring its next coach…that is if Jay Jacobs is given the chance to hire the next coach, because if Malzahn should someone not win 6 or more games in 2016 then Jay Jacobs may be fired right before Gus Malzahn is.”

Coaches Hot Seat:  “That would be carnage on The Plains.”

Auburn Contact:  “It would be carnage in the family….but sometimes a good housecleaning is needed and Auburn may need that is this season implodes under Gus (Malzahn).”

OK…it seems pretty clear to us that Gus Malzahn is sitting on one of the Hottest Damn Seats in College Football and should be with records the last two seasons at Auburn of…

Overall:  15 – 11

SEC:  6 – 10

….so let’s go the numbers and look at Auburn’s 2016 schedule.

Gus Malzahn, Auburn

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4 th season at South Carolina

Overall Head Coaching Record (Arkansas State + Auburn):  36 – 16

Auburn Head Coaching Record

Overall:  27 – 17

SEC:  13 – 11

Let’s look at Auburn’s 2016 football schedule:

Clemson
Arkansas State
Texas A&M
LSU
La. Monroe
At Mississippi State
Arkansas
At Ole Miss
Vanderbilt
At Georgia
Alabama A&M
At Alabama

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OK….Bozo the Clown or ANY Damn Clown you can think of could win…

3 Football Games

….coaching Auburn in 2016 BUT as we look at the rest of Auburn’s schedule which begins with FIVE straight home games we are thinking that Gus Malzahn and his Auburn Tigers better Damn be NO worse than…

4 – 1

…when they travel to play at Mississippi State on October 8 because we see FOUR serious potential losses in Auburn’s last SEVEN games…

At Mississippi State
At Ole Miss
At Georgia
At Alabama

Here’s the problem for Gus Malzahn….in our opinion if Auburn finishes with a record worse than…

8 – 4 overall

5 – 3 in SEC play

….Gus Malzahn is going to be in a Helluva spot when the Alabama game is over on November 26 and if Auburn finishes at…

7 – 5 overall

4 – 4 in SEC play

….in 2016 which would leave Malzahn’s the last THREE seasons at Auburn standing at…

Overall:  22 – 16

SEC:  10 – 14

….then Gus Malzahn is….

DONE at Auburn…PERIOD!

Hell….with 3 games at home against Clemson, Texas A&M, and LSU in the first 5 weeks of the season Gus Malzahn could be DONE at Auburn before October 1 if the Tigers somehow tripped up and lost those 3 CRITICAL games!

Memo to Gus Malzahn:  Coach YOUR football team YOUR way in 2016 because there’s a very Damn good chance this will be YOUR last year at Auburn unless there is dramatic improvement from the Tigers football team of 2016 which in our opinion was nothing short of a…

Complete Freaking Disaster!

….because when you finish at…

2 – 6 in SEC play

….at Auburn that is just flat-out a…

Complete Freaking Disaster!

Good Luck Gus!

Post Week 3 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – 1 – 10 Hot Seat Coaches – These Head Coaches Don’t Like To See the Man in Black but Give ‘em Hell anyway Johnny Cash!

 

Amazingly Week 3 of the college football season is already in the books and the HEAT is being turned-up on college head coaches who have stumbled out of the gate or in some cases NEVER got out of the gate and with that REALITY let’s get to the…

Post Week 3 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – 1 – 10 Hot Seat Coaches

A chair on fire... metaphor "In The Hot Seat"

These head coaches don’t like to see the Man in Black but Give ‘em Hell anyway Johnny Cash!

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1.  Paul Rhoads, Iowa State – With the Iowa State loss to Toledo on Saturday considering this stat for a second….

In Paul Rhoads last 30 games at Iowa State he has posted a record of:

7 – 23

In Paul Rhoads last 25 Big 12 games at Iowa State he has posted a record of:

4 – 21

Yep, that will land your ass on the No. 1 Hot Seat in the land and after a 1 – 2 start to the 2015 season the Cyclones get a week off before playing Kansas at home on October 3.

Iowa State can beat this Kansas team in the wake of the Complete Freaking Disaster left by that Dumbass Charlie Weis…right?

We sure the Hell hope so but how will Iowa State fare in its other 8 Big 12 conference games after they beat Kansas on October 3?

Hell if we know, but it looks like barring a Miracle in Corn Country Iowa State will be looking for a new head football coach come December!

2.  Doug Martin, New Mexico State – Doug Martin is in his third season at New Mexico State and with the Aggies overtime loss to UTEP on Saturday Martin has posted a record in three seasons at NMSU of….

4 – 23

Enough said on Doug Martin’s Hot Seat situation at New Mexico State!

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3.  Darrell Hazell, Purdue – We here at Coaches Hot Seat fully expected Darrell Hazell’s Boilermakers to beat Virginia Tech at home on Saturday but instead the Hokies delivered a 51 – 24 beatdown of Purdue and now the 2015 season could turn into a Complete Freaking Disaster for Hazell with a very good Bowling Green team coming to town this coming Saturday.

A loss to Bowling Green and Purdue will start the season at…

1 – 3

…with 8 Big Ten games left to be played starting with a game at Michigan State on October 3 and for the life of us we believe if you can’t beat Virginia Tech or Bowling Green how in the Hell will Purdue win another game this season!

Oh, Darrell Hazell’s win/loss records in his third season at Purdue:

Overall:  5 – 22

Big Ten:  1 – 15

That’s BAD with a capital B!

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4.  Mike London, Virginia – After a few tense moments Mike London’s Virginia football team got its first win of the season over William & Mary on Saturday and now it’s back to Big Boy football in Week 4 with a game on Friday night against Boise State.

Now in his SIXTH season at Virginia Mike London has win/loss records on the board of…

Overall:  24 – 40

ACC:  11 – 29

…with ONE winning season out of FIVE and if UVA is going to post a winning season in 2015 we would recommend that they beat Boise State on Friday night!

By comparison the Virginia head coach that Mike London replaced and who was run out of Charlottesville on a rail…

Al Groh

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…coached at UVA for NINE seasons posting FIVE winning seasons.

Yep…that reality will land your ass on the Hot Seat 100% of the time!

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5.  Bret Bielema, Arkansas – A few years ago a handful of Coaches Hot Seat members were having dinner with one of their college physics professors and one asked the professor about the following Albert Einstein quote:

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CHS Member: “John…what did Einstein mean when he said…

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”

College Physics Professor: “Ahhh…Albert…a very smart one he was. There is a scientific answer to what Einstein meant when he said, “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one,” but remembering you boys’ grades in my class I will give you the layman’s answer!

Loud laughter at the table!

College Physics Professor: “What Einstein meant was that reality is nothing more and nothing less than how each of our brains perceives the world and the perceived reality for one person is often very different than the reality for almost everyone else on the Earth and thus one reality is very hard to define. In the end reality is just the perception created by the neurons firing off in each of our brains which human beings will naturally try to order towards their own individual particular world view.”

CHS Member: “So what you are saying is that reality…meaning a one reality for everyone no more exists than the Man on the Moon and that reality is different for each person based upon how their individual brain perceives the world?”

College Physics Professor: “Precisely, but then human beings because of their highly evolved brains look at the world around them and naturally want to order it, to organize it, to classify it, to put people and ideas into certain boxes, because that is what homo sapiens were forced to do over millions of years of evolution to survive and then thrive and with that you now not only understand what Einstein was saying but you can also grasp why perception plays such a huge role in daily human life. In the end we are what we perceive of the world, of other people, and of ourselves.”

Getting back to the Complete Freaking Disaster that is Bret Bielema’s REALITY right now after the Razorbacks loss to Texas Tech on Saturday the PERCEPTION at the end of the 2014 season was that Arkansas made some HUGE strides….but did they in FACT?

Let’s go Joe Friday and get to the FACTS on the State of Arkansas Football…Past…Present…and Future:

After a loss to Georgia on October 18, 2014 the Arkansas record stood at…

3 – 4

….and then the Razorbacks under Bret Bielema finished the season by doing this:

Beating UAB = No Big Whoop!

Losing to Mississippi State = Not Surprising

Beating a Collapsing LSU Team = No Big Whoop!

Beating a Demoralized Ole Miss Team =No Big Whoop!

Losing to Missouri = Not Surprising

Beating a Mediocre Texas Team in Bowl Game = No Big Whoop!

So the so-called BIG ending to the Razorbacks 2014 was in REALITY…

No Big Whoop!

…but the PERCEPTION was that Bret Bielema had “turned things around” at Arkansas when in REALITY nothing could be farther from the truth!

Let’s move ahead to the 2015 season for Arkansas which has started this way following an off-season of Bret Bielema and Arkansas AD Jeff Long telling anyone that would listen that Bielema was the second-coming of Paul “Bear” Bryant and that Ohio State was actually playing in something akin to the MAC instead of the Big Ten….in our opinion of course….

Beat UTEP = No Big Whoop!

Lost to Toledo = Hmmmm….Surprising….but NOT REALLY!

Lost to Texas Tech = Hmmmm…Even More Surprising…but NOT REALLY!

Oh, Bret Bielema’s record since supposedly things “turned around” at Arkansas after the loss to Georgia last season:

5 – 4

So the PERCEPTION until Toledo whipped Arkansas was that the Razorbacks were….BACK.…but the REALITY which is just now sinking into the heads of Arkansas fans who are thinking the Pig Farmer from Iowa might have pulled a fast one on them in the last year is that…

Arkansas is 1 – 2 and they play Texas A&M on Saturday in Dallas and the Aggies are….

6 Point Favorites!

Guess what?

If Arkansas loses to Texas A&M on Saturday with games at Tennessee and at Alabama on deck the REALITY is the Razorbacks could be sitting at…

1 – 5

….when Auburn comes to Fayetteville on October 24 in what could be the….

Ultimate Hot Seat vs. Hot Seat Coaching Match-Up with the Losing Coach being run out of town on the back of a hog!

Here’s the REALITY for Bret Bielema based upon the building PERCEPTION in Arkansas which we confirmed by talking to an Arkansas-alum friend of ours in Ft. Smith, Arkansas who could buy-and-sell everyone in the Fayetteville – Bentonville area except for the Walton clan and that REALITY is…

“If this season implodes both Bielema and AD Jeff Long might find themselves lucky to shoveling shit in West Texas as you boys like to say from time to time!”

Yep…that is the REALITY NOW in Arkansas folks!

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On another note per our agreement with Texas Tech head coach Kliff Kingsbury since the Red Raiders beat the Razorbacks we will no longer be calling Coach Kingsbury….

“_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _”

Nice win there in Fayetteville Kliff!

6.  Willie Taggart, South Florida – With the South Florida loss to Maryland on Saturday the Bulls dropped to…

1 – 2

…on the season and things don’t get any easier for Willie Taggart and his football team with this upcoming schedule:

Memphis
Syracuse
At UConn
SMU
At Navy
At East Carolina
Temple
Cincinnati
At UCF

Memo to Willie Taggart:  IF your South Florida team plays the rest of the season the way it has played its first three games in 2015…

You might not win another game until you play hapless UCF on November 26 and Hell Furman beat UCF so go ahead and put that win over the Black Knights on the board!

Get off your ass Willie Taggart! Signed: Coaches Hot Seat

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7.  Gus Malzahn, Auburn – At the tail-end of the 2014 college football season we ran into an “old and former defensive coordinator in the SEC” at a restaurant in Atlanta and he said to us when the Auburn football program came up:

“The Gus Malzahn experiment in major college football is about to come to an end because what he and other coaches like Chip Kelly have been doing just cannot work unless they have an elite quarterback and neither Malzahn nor Kelly have that right now nor more than likely will they have that next season.”

We talked about the above statement for a few hours in the lobby of an Atlanta hotel and came to agreement on the idea that Malzahn and Kelly’s offenses depended on an elite quarterback who could make instant decisions on the fly but Auburn had Jeremy Johnson ready to play in 2015 and the Eagles had Nick Foles who wasn’t doing to bad at quarterback for the Eagles last season.

Guess what?

Jeremy Johnson is a Total Bust and Nick Foles is playing for the St. Louis Rams who was replaced by Sam Bradford who would be lucky to be a water boy on the Coaches Hot Seat Flag Football Team forget about playing QB and right now the…

Philadelphia Eagles

AND

Auburn Tigers

….are both a Complete Freaking Disaster!

Oh…another thing…neither the Philadelphia Eagles nor the Auburn Tigers are playing ANY defense so put that REALITY on top of everything else and truly….

Gus Malzahn is facing nothing short of what Gene Chizik faced in 2012 when Auburn went 3 – 9 and 0 – 8 in SEC play and was rightly run out of Auburn on a rail!

Let’s look at the rest of Auburn’s schedule with the Tigers now at 1 – 2 on the season realizing that…

Gus Malzahn is 2 – 6 in his last 8 games at Auburn

Guz Malzahn is 10 – 6 in his last 16 games at Auburn

Mississippi State
San Jose State
At Kentucky
At Arkansas
Ole Miss
At Texas A&M
Georgia
Idaho
Alabama

In our opinion if Auburn plays like they did against LSU the Tigers will be lucky to win…

3 Games in 2015

ANY SEC Games in 2015

What if Auburn finished at…

3 – 9 Overall

0 – 8 in the SEC

…in 2015 would Gus Malzahn be sent packing as Gene Chizik was sent packing only two seasons ago with the same record after winning a National Championship considering Malzahn didn’t win a National Title two seasons ago when he had the chance?

What’s Good for the Chizik is Good for the Malzahn….right?

RIGHT!

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Who would Auburn AD Jay Jacobs hire to replace the run out of Auburn Gus Malzahn to coach the Tigers into the future?

Well, based upon the amount of money Auburn has been spending to build a strong football program on The Plains does anyone doubt that Jacobs would fly down to Tallahassee and offer Jimbo Fisher $8 Million A Year…”Nick Saban Money”….to be the next head football coach at Auburn?

Would Jimbo Fisher accept an offer to become the Auburn head coach at $8 Million A Year?

Does it get HOT on The Plains of southwest Alabama in the Summer?

That would be a BIG YES!

Memo to Gus Malzahn:  Nice try against LSU to get the Auburn offense going with Jeremy Johnson but now Gus….Johnson would be lucky to be running the scout team for the Coaches Hot Seat Flag Football Team forget about being in the 1 – 5 QB slots so why in the Hell is he the starting QB at Auburn? Oh, what’s behind Johnson is even worse? OK…that makes sense!

Memo No. 2 to Gus Malzahn:  If you lose to Mississippi State on Saturday here is how you will know on whether to contact a Realtor or not to put your house on the market:

If Auburn AD Jay Jacobs starts saying things like…

“I am becoming very concerned in our fundamental approach to the game.”

…put the house on the market immediately!

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8.  Charlie Strong, Texas – The most amazing thing about the Texas loss to California on Saturday wasn’t the missed extra point at the end of the game BUT that the Texas Longhorns…

YES the Freaking Texas Longhorns!

…had to come storming back to almost tie a team in the California Bears that over the past THREE football seasons had won NINE football games TOTAL!

That is the REALITY of how far the Texas football program has fallen since Mack Brown lost to Alabama in the 2009 – 2010 Bogus BCS National Title Game!

Since that loss to Alabama in the Rose Bowl in Pasadena in January 2010 Texas has posted a combined record under Mack Brown and Charlie Strong of….

37 – 30!

This is the Texas Longhorns we are talking about here and although we will readily admit there is No Joy in Coaches Hot Seat-Ville putting Charlie Strong on the Hot Seat who two Coaches Hot Seat members first met in the early 1990s when Charlie was on Steve Spurrier’s staff at Florida the TRUTH is Texas football right now is very simply…

A Complete Freaking Disaster

…and the sad REALITY is that if Oliver Luck had been the AD at Texas in 2013 instead of the Sorry Excuse for a Human Being Steve Patterson that right now…in our opinion….the head coach of the Texas Longhorns would be none other than…

Nick Saban

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Guess what Texas fans….and this is just our opinion here at Coaches Hot Seat and is the FIRM opinion of the two Coaches Hot Seat members that traveled to Tuscaloosa for the Ole Miss – Alabama game on Saturday and who are still in Tuscaloosa on this early Monday morning…

If Texas is looking for a new head football coach in December Nick Saban would be Very Damn Interested in that job

….because unlike Alabama which is rebuilding job that is PAST DONE Texas is a Complete Freaking Disaster that needs a HERO to save it and again our opinion here at Coaches Hot Seat:

Nick Saban has ONE more Act in his life on this Earth which would be capped by winning….

National Titles at LSU, Alabama and Texas!

You heard it here first!

As for Charlie Strong whose Texas team is now at 1 – 2 on the season Big 12 Conference play begins this Saturday against Oklahoma State in Austin and to that we can only say…

Good Luck Charlie!

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9.  George O’Leary, UCF – The UCF loss to Furman on Saturday confirmed of what we saw of UCF when they played Stanford in Week 2…

UCF is average at best and hardly coached team at worst

….and we agree completely with the following from Victory Way: UCF Blog for the UCF Fans…

Time for George to go, Harry P. Nolan, Victory Way

Up next for the 0 – 3 UCF which is now hardly coached by George O’Leary in our opinion…

At South Carolina

….in a Hot Seat vs. Hot Seat Head Coaching Match-Up against the Ole’ Ball Coach!

Speaking of the Ole’ Ball Coach!

ALA @ USC

10.  Steve Spurrier, South Carolina – In the spring of this year a few Coaches Hot Seat members were up in South Carolina playing golf in the Greenville area and ran into some South Carolina Gamecock fans who were asked about the status of Steve Spurrier who will be FOREVER be known at Coaches Hot Seat as the…

Ole’ Ball Coach

…and one of those South Carolina fans said the following:

“I heard that Spurrier wanted to retire at the end of last season but that some folks got to him about all the other coaches that would be out of job if he retired and the Steve reluctantly decided to come back and coach in 2015 and see how things would turn out.”

Sorry….head coaches should not be staying in jobs to keep their assistant coaches and especially their sons employed and no matter what Steve Spurrier has done at South Carolina in the past in case the folks in South Carolina don’t know it the Gamecocks head coaching job is not something akin to the modern day Roman Empire or the USSR where the leaders get to hang around for as long as they want but instead South Carolina is in America and in America…

When you quit performing in your job…you get fired!

That’s how it is for most hard-working Americans making $50,000 or less a year and for Damn sure that is how it should be for football coaches making Millions of Dollars a year!

Steve Spurrier has no Damn “right” to stay as the head coach at South Carolina for as long as he wants but instead the people paying the bills….

The alums, boosters and fans of South Carolina

…will decide when Steve Spurrier will no longer be the head coach at USC unless of course the Ole’ Ball Coach decides first which based upon South Carolina’s remaining games in 2015 as detailed below will be the way this Shakespearean tragedy in Columbia will end later this year:

UCF
At Missouri
LSU
Vanderbilt
At Texas A&M
At Tennessee
Florida
The Citadel
Clemson

Anyone else thinking that the Ole’ Ball Coach and South Carolina will…

Win maybe….3 more games this season….before they play Clemson at home on November 28 in what will more than likely be the last game with the Ole’ Ball Coach on the sideline in his legendary playing and coaching career?

Anyone else thinking South Carolina will beat Clemson and send Steve Spurrier out a winner and that the next day Steve will be playing golf in Florida?

Thought so!

What is that monologue from William Shakespeare’s As You Like It, Act Two – Scene Seven, that for some reason fits in this spot when considering the playing and coaching career of the Great Steve Spurrier? Oh…here it is:

“All the world’s a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.
Then, the whining school-boy with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then, a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden, and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then, the justice,
In fair round belly, with a good capon lined,
With eyes severe, and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws, and modern instances,
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,

Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.”

ShakespeareSevenAges

Thank You Coach Spurrier…now have a Helluva Fun time in these last NINE football games Ole’ Ball Coach!

Post Week 3 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – 11 – 30 Hot Seat Coaches Analysis coming soon!

Documentary – In Search of Shakespeare 1: A Time of Revolution from technology freak on Vimeo.