Tag Archive: Lewis Grizzard

Coaches Hot Seat Quotes of the Day – Friday, October 12, 2018 – Lewis Grizzard

LewisGrizzard77789

“I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. “

And

“I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. “

And

“Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”

And

“It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. “

And

“Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it. “

And

“The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity. “

And

“The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.”

And

“You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’ “

And

“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put rum or bourbon in it.”

And

“Being a newspaper columnist is like being married to a nymphomaniac. It’s great for the first two weeks.”

And

“Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.”

And

“I have three ex-wives. I can’t remember any of their names, so I just call ’em Plaintiff.”

And

“I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.”

And

“In the south there’s a difference between ‘Naked’ and ‘Nekkid.’ ‘Naked’ means you don’t have any clothes on. ‘Nekkid’ means you don’t have any clothes on … and you’re up to somethin’.”

And

“Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.”

And

“Real estate agents are God’s plague on mankind when locusts are out of season.”

And

“Women who drink white wine either want to get married, sell you a piece of real estate, or redecorate your house. Either way, it’s expensive.”

And

“Lewis’ advice to Atlantans in case of nuclear war: “If you live on the South side of Atlanta, get on I-75 and go south. If you live of the North side of Atlanta get on I-75 and go north. If you are a Yankee get on 285.” (Note to all you Yankees — I-285 is a continuous loop around the city)”

And

“I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.”

Wikipedia:  Lewis Grizzard

(more…)

Coaches Hot Seat Quotes of the Day – Thursday, March 1, 2018 – Lewis Grizzard

 

LewisGrizzard77789

“I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. “

And

“I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. “

And

“Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”

And

“It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. “

And

“Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it. “

And

“The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity. “

And

“The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.”

And

“You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’ “

And

“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put rum or bourbon in it.”

And

“Being a newspaper columnist is like being married to a nymphomaniac. It’s great for the first two weeks.”

And

“Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.”

And

“I have three ex-wives. I can’t remember any of their names, so I just call ’em Plaintiff.”

And

“I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.”

And

“In the south there’s a difference between ‘Naked’ and ‘Nekkid.’ ‘Naked’ means you don’t have any clothes on. ‘Nekkid’ means you don’t have any clothes on … and you’re up to somethin’.”

And

“Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.”

And

“Real estate agents are God’s plague on mankind when locusts are out of season.”

And

“Women who drink white wine either want to get married, sell you a piece of real estate, or redecorate your house. Either way, it’s expensive.”

And

“Lewis’ advice to Atlantans in case of nuclear war: “If you live on the South side of Atlanta, get on I-75 and go south. If you live of the North side of Atlanta get on I-75 and go north. If you are a Yankee get on 285.” (Note to all you Yankees — I-285 is a continuous loop around the city)”

And

“I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.”

Wikipedia:  Lewis Grizzard

(more…)

Coaches Hot Seat Quotes of the Day – Wednesday, December 6, 2017 – Lewis Grizzard

 

LewisGrizzard77789

“I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. “

And

“I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. “

And

“Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”

And

“It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. “

And

“Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it. “

And

“The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity. “

And

“The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.”

And

“You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’ “

And

“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put rum or bourbon in it.”

And

“Being a newspaper columnist is like being married to a nymphomaniac. It’s great for the first two weeks.”

And

“Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.”

And

“I have three ex-wives. I can’t remember any of their names, so I just call ’em Plaintiff.”

And

“I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.”

And

“In the south there’s a difference between ‘Naked’ and ‘Nekkid.’ ‘Naked’ means you don’t have any clothes on. ‘Nekkid’ means you don’t have any clothes on … and you’re up to somethin’.”

And

“Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.”

And

“Real estate agents are God’s plague on mankind when locusts are out of season.”

And

“Women who drink white wine either want to get married, sell you a piece of real estate, or redecorate your house. Either way, it’s expensive.”

And

“Lewis’ advice to Atlantans in case of nuclear war: “If you live on the South side of Atlanta, get on I-75 and go south. If you live of the North side of Atlanta get on I-75 and go north. If you are a Yankee get on 285.” (Note to all you Yankees — I-285 is a continuous loop around the city)”

And

“I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.”

Wikipedia:  Lewis Grizzard

(more…)

Coaches Hot Seat Quotes of the Day – Friday, August 4, 2017 – Lewis Grizzard

 

LewisGrizzard77789

“I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. “

And

“I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. “

And

“Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”

And

“It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. “

And

“Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it. “

And

“The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity. “

And

“The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.”

And

“You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’ “

And

“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put rum or bourbon in it.”

And

“Being a newspaper columnist is like being married to a nymphomaniac. It’s great for the first two weeks.”

And

“Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.”

And

“I have three ex-wives. I can’t remember any of their names, so I just call ’em Plaintiff.”

And

“I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.”

And

“In the south there’s a difference between ‘Naked’ and ‘Nekkid.’ ‘Naked’ means you don’t have any clothes on. ‘Nekkid’ means you don’t have any clothes on … and you’re up to somethin’.”

And

“Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.”

And

“Real estate agents are God’s plague on mankind when locusts are out of season.”

And

“Women who drink white wine either want to get married, sell you a piece of real estate, or redecorate your house. Either way, it’s expensive.”

And

“Lewis’ advice to Atlantans in case of nuclear war: “If you live on the South side of Atlanta, get on I-75 and go south. If you live of the North side of Atlanta get on I-75 and go north. If you are a Yankee get on 285.” (Note to all you Yankees — I-285 is a continuous loop around the city)”

And

“I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.”

Wikipedia:  Lewis Grizzard

(more…)

Coaches Hot Seat Quotes of the Day – Wednesday, March 29, 2017 – Lewis Grizzard

 

LewisGrizzard77789

“I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. “

And

“I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. “

And

“Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”

And

“It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. “

And

“Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it. “

And

“The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity. “

And

“The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.”

And

“You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’ “

And

“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put rum or bourbon in it.”

And

“Being a newspaper columnist is like being married to a nymphomaniac. It’s great for the first two weeks.”

And

“Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.”

And

“I have three ex-wives. I can’t remember any of their names, so I just call ’em Plaintiff.”

And

“I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.”

And

“In the south there’s a difference between ‘Naked’ and ‘Nekkid.’ ‘Naked’ means you don’t have any clothes on. ‘Nekkid’ means you don’t have any clothes on … and you’re up to somethin’.”

And

“Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.”

And

“Real estate agents are God’s plague on mankind when locusts are out of season.”

And

“Women who drink white wine either want to get married, sell you a piece of real estate, or redecorate your house. Either way, it’s expensive.”

And

“Lewis’ advice to Atlantans in case of nuclear war: “If you live on the South side of Atlanta, get on I-75 and go south. If you live of the North side of Atlanta get on I-75 and go north. If you are a Yankee get on 285.” (Note to all you Yankees — I-285 is a continuous loop around the city)”

And

“I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.”

Wikipedia:  Lewis Grizzard

(more…)

Coaches Hot Seat Quotes of the Day – Thursday, September 29, 2016 – Lewis Grizzard

 

LewisGrizzard77789

“I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. “

And

“I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. “

And

“Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”

And

“It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. “

And

“Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it. “

And

“The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity. “

And

“The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.”

And

“You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’ “

And

“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put rum or bourbon in it.”

And

“Being a newspaper columnist is like being married to a nymphomaniac. It’s great for the first two weeks.”

And

“Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.”

And

“I have three ex-wives. I can’t remember any of their names, so I just call ’em Plaintiff.”

And

“I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.”

And

“In the south there’s a difference between ‘Naked’ and ‘Nekkid.’ ‘Naked’ means you don’t have any clothes on. ‘Nekkid’ means you don’t have any clothes on … and you’re up to somethin’.”

And

“Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.”

And

“Real estate agents are God’s plague on mankind when locusts are out of season.”

And

“Women who drink white wine either want to get married, sell you a piece of real estate, or redecorate your house. Either way, it’s expensive.”

And

“Lewis’ advice to Atlantans in case of nuclear war: “If you live on the South side of Atlanta, get on I-75 and go south. If you live of the North side of Atlanta get on I-75 and go north. If you are a Yankee get on 285.” (Note to all you Yankees — I-285 is a continuous loop around the city)”

And

“I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.”

Wikipedia:  Lewis Grizzard

(more…)

It’s “Fish Or Cut Bait Time” for Will Muschamp at South Carolina…and if Muschamp Doesn’t “Get It Done” in Columbia His Head Coaching Career Will Be Over…Before He Hits the Age of 50! – Happy Birthday to the Head Ball Coach Steve Spurrier! 71 Years Young Today! – The Late Great Lewis Grizzard and An Eternal Truth…You Are Missed Lewis But NEVER Forgotten!

 

In the 16 or so years since Will Muschamp first ran into Nick Saban in Atlanta….which if we remember right was around 2000 at a high school football game or camp at the Georgia Dome….Muschamp has made quite a few stops including at LSU, Miami Dolphins, Auburn, Texas, the Florida head coaching job, and now the South Carolina head coaching job, and as they say in the South it’s now….

Fish or Cut Bait Time for Will Muschamp

….because if Will Muschamp doesn’t get it done at South Carolina NOW his head coaching career will be over before he hits the age of 50!

WillMuschamp1717171

What exactly does….

“Get It Done”

….mean in the context of being successful at South Carolina which in recent years has seen some success under Steve Spurrier…who by the way turns 71 years old today on April 20…so Happy Birthday to the Head Ball Coach who is now 71 years young!

SteveSpurrier181999000

In our opinion here at Coaches Hot Seat if we were hired as the athletic director at South Carolina today we would call Will Muschamp into our office and outline how we would define his time at USC as a “success” or not in the following way:

Running a clean program that did not break ANY NCAA rules

Graduating most if not all of the South Carolina football players

A .500 or plus record and bowl game trip EVERY YEAR

A Top 3 finish in the SEC East EVERY YEAR

Win the SEC East ONCE every THREE YEARS

Win the SEC Conference Championship ONCE every SEVEN YEARS

Can Will Muschamp meet the expectations as described above that Coaches Hot Seat as the AD at South Carolina has set for him going forward?

SteveSpurreirFlorida81181

Well….let’s see how Steve Spurrier would have done against the above expectations…who in our opinion is one of the Top 5 All-Time Head Coaches in SEC Football history:

YES = Running a clean program that did not break ANY NCAA rules

YES = Graduating most if not all of the South Carolina football players

9 out of 11 years so NO = A .500 or plus record and bowl game trip EVERY YEAR

6 out of 11 years so NO = A Top 3 finish in the SEC East EVERY YEAR

1 out of 11 years so NO = Win the SEC East ONCE every THREE YEARS

0 out of 11 years so NO = Win the SEC Conference Championship ONCE every SEVEN YEARS

So let’s see here…Steve Spurrier…a Top 5 All-Time Head Coach in SEC History did not meet our expectations for South Carolina football and Will Muschamp who is sitting on a head coaching record in four years at Florida of…

Overall:  28 – 21

SEC:  17 – 15

….will meet our expectations in Columbia?

Not Very Damn Likely!

Before we get to what Will Muschamp faces in the 2016 football season at South Carolina, let us first say that Muschamp does have one very Damn good thing going for him and that is…

South Carolina is in the SEC Eastern Division

….which is a division where even a slightly-elevated performance on a consistent basis above the norm by Tennessee, Florida, Georgia, Missouri, or South Carolina who can all get plenty of talent on campus to win lots of football games can lead to an extended run that would lead to many appearances in the SEC Championship Game as the SEC Eastern Division Champ and as Carl Spackler….Bill Murray….said in Caddyshack…..Will Muschamp has….

“That going for him…which is nice!”

Will Muschamp, South Carolina

WillMuschamp22992

1 st season at South Carolina

Overall Head Coaching Record (Florida): 28 – 21

SEC (Florida): 17 – 15

The First and Primary Question for Will Muschamp as of today is: How many games does Will Muschamp need to win at South Carolina in 2016 to get his ass off the Hot Seat and to build some momentum for the future in Columbia?

Let’s go to South Carolina’s 2016 schedule to answer that question:

At Vanderbilt
At Mississippi State
East Carolina
At Kentucky
Texas A&M
Georgia
UMass
Tennessee
Missouri
At Florida
Western Carolina
At Clemson

BozoTheClown771177

OK….Bozo the Clown or ANY Damn Clown you can think of could win…

2 Football Games

….coaching South Carolina in 2016 BUT as we look at the rest of the Gamecocks schedule this coming season we are beginning to think that…

Will Muschamp will be Very Damn Lucky to coach South Carolina to 6+ wins in 2016!

With that in mind IF Will Muschamp can get SIX wins in 2016 and get the Gamecocks to a bowl game we would call that a significant achievement which would get Muschamp off the Hot Seat heading into the 2017 football season BUT if we had to guess right now how many games the Gamecocks will win in the upcoming season we would guess…

4 Wins!

Memo to Will Muschamp and South Carolina AD Ray Tanner:  If South Carolina only wins FOUR football games in 2016 BOTH of your asses will be roasting come December which we guess would lead to…

Ray Tanner being forced to resign as the AD at South Carolina before Christmas

AND

Will Muschamp entering the 2017 college football season on one of the Hottest Seats in the American Republic!

With all of the above being said we can only wish….

Good Luck to Coach Boom and South Carolina in 2016

….and remind Will Muschamp and everyone else of the wise words of the Late Great Lewis Grizzard:

LewisGrizzard1111

“Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”

Coaches Hot Seat Quotes of the Day – Wednesday, April 20, 2016 – Lewis Grizzard

 

LewisGrizzard77789

“I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. “

And

“I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. “

And

“Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”

And

“It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. “

And

“Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it. “

And

“The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity. “

And

“The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.”

And

“You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’ “

And

“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put rum or bourbon in it.”

And

“Being a newspaper columnist is like being married to a nymphomaniac. It’s great for the first two weeks.”

And

“Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.”

And

“I have three ex-wives. I can’t remember any of their names, so I just call ’em Plaintiff.”

And

“I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.”

And

“In the south there’s a difference between ‘Naked’ and ‘Nekkid.’ ‘Naked’ means you don’t have any clothes on. ‘Nekkid’ means you don’t have any clothes on … and you’re up to somethin’.”

And

“Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.”

And

“Real estate agents are God’s plague on mankind when locusts are out of season.”

And

“Women who drink white wine either want to get married, sell you a piece of real estate, or redecorate your house. Either way, it’s expensive.”

And

“Lewis’ advice to Atlantans in case of nuclear war: “If you live on the South side of Atlanta, get on I-75 and go south. If you live of the North side of Atlanta get on I-75 and go north. If you are a Yankee get on 285.” (Note to all you Yankees — I-285 is a continuous loop around the city)”

And

“I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.”

Wikipedia:  Lewis Grizzard

(more…)

Coaches Hot Seat Quotes of the Day – Wednesday, September 23, 2015 – Lewis Grizzard

 

LewisGrizzard77789

“I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. “

And

“I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married. “

And

“Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”

And

“It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. “

And

“Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it. “

And

“The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity. “

And

“The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.”

And

“You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’ “

And

“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put rum or bourbon in it.”

And

“Being a newspaper columnist is like being married to a nymphomaniac. It’s great for the first two weeks.”

And

“Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.”

And

“I have three ex-wives. I can’t remember any of their names, so I just call ’em Plaintiff.”

And

“I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.”

And

“In the south there’s a difference between ‘Naked’ and ‘Nekkid.’ ‘Naked’ means you don’t have any clothes on. ‘Nekkid’ means you don’t have any clothes on … and you’re up to somethin’.”

And

“Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.”

And

“Real estate agents are God’s plague on mankind when locusts are out of season.”

And

“Women who drink white wine either want to get married, sell you a piece of real estate, or redecorate your house. Either way, it’s expensive.”

And

“Lewis’ advice to Atlantans in case of nuclear war: “If you live on the South side of Atlanta, get on I-75 and go south. If you live of the North side of Atlanta get on I-75 and go north. If you are a Yankee get on 285.” (Note to all you Yankees — I-285 is a continuous loop around the city)”

And

“I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.”

Wikipedia:  Lewis Grizzard