Tag Archive: Mike MacIntyre

The Main Topic of Discussion for Coaches Hot Seat Members in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida for The Players Championship This Week = Big 12 Expansion – A Possible Solution = Big 24 Conference! – What the Hell Is the Big 24 Conference You Ask? Let Us Explain! – #7 Coach on the Coaches Hot Seat Rankings = Colorado Head Coach Mike MacIntyre

 

Before we get to the issues that face Colorado head coach Mike MacIntyre as he heads into his FOURTH season as the head coach of the Buffs who is now sitting on the…

#7 Hot Seat in the Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

….there are a whole lot of Coaches Hot Seat members together in one place this week in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida for our annual trip to The Players Championship and one of the biggest topics of discussion among us the past couple of days has been…

Big 12 Conference Expansion

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Columnist Berry Tramel of The Oklahoman has the best explanation for why Oklahoma president David Boren is interested in seeing the Big 12 Conference expand and since the folks in Austin, Texas care little about anything beyond their own Precious Asses forget about the other NINE schools in the Big 12 we think former Senator Boren is right again on this issue just as he has been right on my issues in the past:

Here’s why Oklahoma’s Boren favors expansion, Berry Tramel, The Oklahoma

“And a 12-team league makes a conference network much more viable, because of content. Two extra schools provide more games, more shows, more stories. That’s what we’ve seen from the Big Ten and the SEC, who each have expanded to 14 schools in recent years. Those expansion decisions were based on the network.

Two extra schools mean more distribution points for the network and more content to fill it with.

That’s not the least bit confusing. That’s completely the reason Boren wants expansion. And remember what Boren has said — expansion, conference network, title game, they’re all tied together. Without one, the others are irrelevant.”

The above is certainly correct on the issues around the Big 12 Conference adding 2, 4 or even 6 more teams which we here at Coaches Hot Seat came out for several months ago…

As the SEC Conference Races Ahead the Big 12 Conference “Leaders”…Save One in Oklahoma President David Boren…Say Only One Thing…”Show Me the Damn Money!” – Got There Is No Damn Vision and Helluva Lot of Selfishness In Big 12 Country? YEP!, Coaches Hot Seat Blog, February 18, 2016

…but then the Big 12 expanding doesn’t really solve the problem of the Longhorn Network and the Texas Folks who seem intent on sitting on their Precious Asses while everything burns down around them….in other words the folks in Austin are…

Just Typical Texans!

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All of the above got the members of Coaches Hot Seat thinking and at dinner on Tuesday night the issue was thrown on the table….

How would you fix the problems facing the Big 12?

….with one Coaches Hot Seat member who has run his own company for over a decade finally saying….

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“What was it Eisenhower used to say? “If a problem cannot be solved, enlarge it.” Thinking it’s time for the Big 12 and the Pac-12 which is also facing some huge problems right now with its TV network and revenue generation to work together to solve both of their problems by coming together. It’s time to revive the deal that Larry Scott tried to put together with four Big 12 teams a few years back…

Oklahoma, Texas talking Pac-16, ESPN.com, September 2011

….and bring the Pac-12 and Big 12 together to form one Super Conference.”

“How in the Hell would that work?”

Simple….merge the Pac-12 with the Big 12 and add Cincinnati and UCF to create the….

Big 24

….which would be a sports conference that would command the American West and be a powerful challenger to the surging Big Ten and SEC.

So…let’s see here…merge the Pac-12 with the Big 12 and add Cincinnati and UCF would have a Big 24 Conference that would look like this….

Big 24 Map

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So how would a Big 24 Conference work exactly you ask?

Well, the 24 teams would be divided into two 12 team divisions…East and West:

Big 24 Eastern Division
UCF
West Virginia
Cincinnati
Iowa State
Kansas
Kansas State
Oklahoma
Oklahoma State
Texas
TCU
Texas Tech
Baylor

Big 24 Western Division
Arizona
Arizona State
Colorado
Utah
Washington
Washington State
Oregon
Oregon State
Stanford
California
UCLA
USC

Then the 2 Eastern and Western Divisions would then be divided down into 6 pods with 4 teams in each pod:

Pod #1
UCF
West Virginia
Cincinnati
Iowa State

Pod #2
Kansas
Kansas State
Oklahoma
Oklahoma State

Pod #3
Texas
Baylor
Texas Tech
TCU

Pod #4
Washington
Washington State
Oregon State
Oregon

Pod #5
Stanford
California
USC
UCLA

Pod #6
Arizona
Arizona State
Colorado
Utah

Why in the Hell do you have the pods you ask?

For football scheduling reasons and this is how the 6 pods and 2 divisions would work together to create an incredibly intriguing Big 24 football schedule each season that would climax with at…

Big 24 Conference Title Game

…that would alternate being played each year in Dallas in the Jerry Dome and in Los Angeles in the new NFL stadium now being built for the LA Rams.

Each football team in the Big 24 would play the following schedule each year:

12 Regular Season Games
9 Big 24 Conference Games
1 Big 24 Rival Game
3 Games in its 4 Team Pod
5 other Big 24 Conference Games
3 Out-of-Conference Games

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For example using Oklahoma…each year the Sooners would play…

1 Out-of-Conference Game
1 Out-of-Conference Game
1 Out-of-Conference Game
Kansas
Kansas State
Oklahoma State
1 Big 24 Rival Game = Texas
1 Big 24 Conference Game
1 Big 24 Conference Game
1 Big 24 Conference Game
1 Big 24 Conference Game
1 Big 24 Conference Game

Big 24 Conference Championship Game if the Eastern Division Champs

How would the Big 24 Eastern and Western Division Champions be determined you ask?

By the Big 24 Conference Record not just within the division but OVERALL so at the end of the season the 2 Big 24 teams with the best records in their Big 24 Conference Games as ranked in each division would meet in either Dallas or Los Angeles to play each other in what would be an even BIGGER Conference Title Game than the Big Ten or SEC.

Imagine basically the current Pac-12 Champion meeting the Big 12 Champion with Cincinnati and UCF added in what would surely produce some amazing Big 24 Conference Championship Games….but then give some thought to the games within the Big 24 that college football fans would see every few years…

Oklahoma vs. USC
Texas vs. Oregon
Stanford vs. Baylor
UCLA vs. UCF
TCU vs. Washington
Oklahoma State vs. Colorado

….which we could go on listing for awhile but we think you get the drift by now.

Dwight D. Eisenhower was right….

“If a problem cannot be solved, enlarge it.”

….and with both the Big 12 and Pac-12 facing problems on many fronts in face of the surging Big Ten and SEC it’s time to create the first…

Super Conference = Big 24

…which would have a Big 24 Network which would have the biggest footprint in America.

Oh…what would we do with the Longhorn Network that folks in Austin prize so much?

We would let Texas keep the Longhorn Network deal with ESPN with the Horns being allowed to air one football game each year on their network and the rest of the Texas football games would be put into the package that would be sold into the marketplace with hopefully the new Big 24 Network partnering with a major media company like FoxSports, ESPN, or Comcast to get the Big 24 Network onto as many TV satellite and cable systems as possible before launch so that the new network was on firm ground and generating a Helluva lot of money from Day One.

How much money could a Big 24 Conference and Big 24 Network generate for the 24 schools that would now be sharing revenue with 23 other schools around the country?

A Helluva Lot of Money is the answer to that question but to be more specific we have to believe that with all the cable, network and media deals put together a Big 24 Conference could generate upwards to $1 Billion Dollars annually which would work out to…

$40 Million Dollars Per School

….which is right at the spot where the Big Ten and SEC Conferences are now heading money-wise and right where the schools in the new Big 24 Conference would want to be!

Is there a chance in Hell the Massive Egos in the Pac-12 and Big 12 could possible come together and form something like the…

Big 24 Conference?

Probably not…but certainly anyone in Pac-12 or Big 12 Country that has read Paul Kennedy’s book….

The Rise and Fall of the Great Powers

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….knows that there are certain fundamental laws of economics that determine whether associations like the Pac-12 and Big 12 will succeed over time and Wikipedia has done a nice job of summarizing the primary thesis of Kennedy’s book:

“Kennedy argues that the strength of a Great Power can be properly measured only relative to other powers, and he provides a straightforward and persuasively argued thesis: Great Power ascendancy (over the long term or in specific conflicts) correlates strongly to available resources and economic durability; military overstretch and a concomitant relative decline are the consistent threat facing powers whose ambitions and security requirements are greater than their resource base can provide for.”

The Pac-12 and Big 12 Conferences are falling behind the Big Ten and SEC Conference who are creating a gap in money and exposure that will only widen in the future and facing that reality its time for the folks in the Pac-12 and Big 12 to come together….to put aside their egos and petty personal concerns…and create the first Super Conference in college sports…the

Big 24 Conference!

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Now let’s move onto the Hot Seat status of Colorado head coach Mike MacIntyre….

Mike MacIntyre, Colorado Head Football Coach

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4 th season at Colorado

Overall Head Coaching Record (San Jose St + Colorado):  26 – 48

Colorado Overall Record:  10 – 27

Pac-12 Conference Record:  2 – 25

We have it on GOOD authority from some friends in Boulder, Colorado who we would classify as….

“Knowing what the Hell is going on at the University of Colorado!”

…..where a handful of Coaches Hot Seat members live and work that…

Anything less than SIX wins by Mike MacIntyre in 2016 and he is DONE at Colorado

….and based upon the FACT that in 3 seasons at CU that Mike MacIntyre is…

2 – 25

….in Pac-12 Conference play we can understand why there are some folks in and around the University of Colorado that are willing to make such a declarative statement because the TRUTH is…

There’s just No Damn Good Reason why Colorado should not be winning 6+ games in a CU head coach’s FOURTH season on the job….PERIOD!

Let’s go to Colorado’s 2016 football schedule to see if Mike MacIntyre has a chance to rally the Buffs to 6+ wins in 2016 and take CU to a bowl game:

Colorado State
Idaho State
At Michigan
At Oregon
Oregon State
At USC
Arizona State
At Stanford
UCLA
At Arizona
Washington State
Utah

Geez…based upon what we think Mike MacIntyre has to work with on his Colorado football team in 2016 and looking at the above TOUGH schedule if the Buffs win 6+ games then…

Mike MacIntyre should get an extension and raise as the head football coach at Colorado

….because that is One Damn Tough Schedule!

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How many games do we think Colorado will win in 2016?

Guessing…4….maybe 5 games if the Buffs get a few breaks!

Not Guessing…if Colorado wins 4….maybe 5 games in 2016…

Colorado will be looking for a new head football coach come December!

Great Luck to Mike MacIntyre and his Colorado Buffs in 2016….Uhhhhh….they will sure the Hell need it!

For some reason Hank Williams song “I’m So Loneome I Could Cry” sung by the Great B.J. Thomas comes to mind!

Post Week 2 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – 1 – 10 Hot Seat Coaches – Give These Hot Seat Coaches Holy Hell Johnny Cash!

There are just a few reasons why a college football head coach will end up on the Hot Seat and by far the main reason a coach finds his ass on the Hot Seat is…

He did not win enough football games!

But…there are other reasons a college football head coach will end up on the Hot Seat and two of those reasons that we have had to account for in recent years have been…

1.  A Head Coach like Charlie Weis who in our opinion did not give a Damn about coaching the Kansas football team in the proper way which also makes Charlie Weis a Sorry Excuse for a Human Being….with that being the opinion of EVERY American here at Coaches Hot Seat

AND

2.  Coaching like a Scared Coward which is how four SEC head coaches coached their teams on Saturday….

Butch Jones, Tennessee
Bret Bielema, Arkansas
Steve Spurrier, South Carolina
Gus Malzhan, Auburn

….with three of the above COWARD COACHES now finding their precious and COWARDLY asses on the Hot Seat for their COWARDLY behavior because they lost their games and Auburn head coach Gus Malzhan now just one loss away from finding his ass on the Hot Seat with Auburn playing at LSU this coming Saturday! Besides coaching in a COWARDLY way which clearly in our opinion ALL FOUR of the above SEC head coaches did on Saturday what really pisses us off here at Coaches Hot Seat is when head coaches who have guaranteed contracts that will pay them Millions of Dollars whether they win or lose so they will never have to work a day the rest of their lives…

Still Coach like COWARDS!

It was just Shameful and a Disgrace to the American Republic forget about an embarrassment to the SEC that head coaches…

Butch Jones, Tennessee
Bret Bielema, Arkansas
Steve Spurrier, South Carolina
Gus Malzahn, Auburn

….were on Saturday…just so Damn SHAMEFUL!

We will get more into the COWARDLY behavior of head coaches….

Butch Jones, Tennessee
Bret Bielema, Arkansas
Steve Spurrier, South Carolina

…in the Post Week 2 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings Analysis BUT is it just us here at Coaches Hot Seat or is everyone else thinking the same thing?

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The Southeastern Conference reached its PEAK at the same time that Paul Finebaum was negotiating the contract for his book in New York City in the spring of 2013 for what eventually became this….

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….and after the past two college football seasons and especially this past weekend has become what historians will mark as the Beginning of the End of the SEC? Of course, anyone that knows Paul Finebaum knows that Paul has a stellar record of latching onto public figures just before they are sent off to prison so Finebaum signaling the end of the SEC with his Idiotic book would not only be the MOST right thing in the world it would make a Helluva lot of sense also!

A chair on fire... metaphor "In The Hot Seat"

Let’s bring out the Man in Black to…

Give These Hot Seat Coaches Holy Hell Johnny Cash!

Post Week 2 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – 1 – 10 Hot Seat Coaches

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1.  Paul Rhoads, Iowa State – Cyclones head coach Paul Rhoads is on a pretty bad run of late and the loss to Iowa over the weekend on Iowa State’s home field by a score of…

31 – 17

….didn’t help matters and just by comparison over Paul Rhoads last 26 games coaching ISU he has posted a record of….

6 – 20

…and the previous head coach at Iowa State Dan McCarney posted a record over his last 26 games at ISU of…

12 – 14

….and also by comparison puts the winning percentages of Rhoads and McCarney at…

.231 for Paul Rhoads in last 26 games at ISU

.462 for Dan McCarney in last 26 games at ISU

Sorry, but Paul Rhoads can be the nicest and hardest working guy in the world and by all accounts we have heard he is both BUT we caught some of the Iowa – Iowa State game on Saturday and to put it bluntly…..

Iowa State DOES NOT look like a very well coached football team right now…PERIOD.

Oh….up next for Iowa State…

At Toledo which just beat Arkansas in Fayetteville!

Good Luck with that Paul and here’s a tip…don’t complain this week like some kind of LOSER about Ohio State’s schedule when you have a team to get ready to play Toledo!

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2.  Mike London, Virginia – Mike London’s Virginia football team had Notre Dame right where they wanted the Irish on Saturday…

Up by a point with just a few minutes to play with the Irish starting QB out and a back-up QB in for Notre Dame that had hardly played at all in a meaningful live college football game

….and how exactly did Mike London’s Virginia team find a way to lose this time around?

By allowing that back-up QB that had next to no experience throw a ball to a receiver that was allowed to get behind a defensive back for some reason which ended up with a touchdown!

Geez…you really cannot make-up some of the stuff that has happened to Virginia football in recent years BUT this loss to Notre Dame takes the cake, the pie and every Damn dessert in the kitchen and with that loss London’s record at UVA dropped to…

Overall:  23 – 40

ACC:  11 – 29

…over the last six seasons which is bad from whatever direction one looks at those records.

Up next for Virginia…

William & Mary
Boise State
At Pitt

Our recommendation to Mike London = WIN all three of those games son!

3.  Doug Martin, New Mexico State – Oh, you thought it was a big deal that the Florida Gators beat New Mexico State 61 – 13 on Week 1?

Uhhhh….NOT….because Georgia State which had won ONE football game the last two seasons just beat New Mexico State on their home field!

This is Doug Martin’s third season as the head coach at New Mexico State and his record at NMSU now stands at:

Overall:  4 – 22

Enough said on the Hot Seat situation at NMSU!

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4.  Darrell Hazell, Purdue – Darrell Hazell and the Purdue Boilermakers got their first win of the 2015 season over Indiana State on Saturday which means about as much as a grizzly bear crapping in the woods of Yellowstone National Park meaning it means NOTHING AT ALL!

The 2015 college football season begins again for Darrell Hazell and the Boilermakers on Saturday with Virginia Tech coming to town and this is a game in our opinion that….

Purdue Should Win

….IF Purdue plays with the same intensity that they played with against Marshall in Week 1.

In the “Just By Comparison” department Darrell Hazell has now been the head coach at Purdue for 26 games and his win/loss record stands at…

5 – 21

….and the coach he replaced at Purdue who was fired and run out-of-town posted a record in his first 26 games at Purdue of….

10 – 16

….which should tell everyone that is paying attention why exactly Darrell Hazell is on the Hot Seat!

5.  Derek Mason, Vanderbilt – Vanderbilt looked OK at times against Georgia on Saturday but in the end a loss to the Dawgs by a score of…

31 – 14

…..leaves Derek Mason’s win/loss record in his second season at Vandy now at….

3 – 11

…and let’s hope Mason’s record after this coming Saturday’s game against Austin Peay is…

4 – 11

….or Mason might not make it as head coach at Vandy to the Ole Miss game in Oxford on September 26!

Looking over the rest of Vanderbilt’s 2015 schedule…

Austin Peay
At Ole Miss
At Middle Tennessee
At South Carolina
Missouri
At Houston
At Florida
Kentucky
Texas A&M
At Tennessee

….if Vandy improves just a little bit more as the season progresses MAYBE the Commodores can win…

4 Games in 2015

….which would be an improvement by ONE win over 2014 and would give Mason one more year in Nashville to get Vandy back to their “James Franklin-years” winning ways and with that Derek Mason now has his goal for 2015….

4 Wins!

Coach ‘Em Up Derek!

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6.  Kevin Wilson, Indiana – Kevin Wilson and the Indiana Hoosiers beat Florida International on Saturday by the score of 36 – 22 and when one considers that FIU had won….

6 Games

…the last three seasons combined Indiana beating FIU meant about as much as a wild pig finding an acorn in Alabama which means that win over FIU means NOTHING AT ALL!

Up next for Kevin Wilson and Indiana….a very tough Western Kentucky team that is very simply a…

CANNOT LOSE game for Kevin Wilson and the Hoosiers but especially a CANNOT LOSE game for Kevin Wilson!

7.  Paul Petrino, Idaho – In Week 2 Paul Petrino’s Idaho team lost to USC in Los Angeles by a score of…

59 – 9

….and with that loss Petrino’s win/loss record at Idaho now stands at….

2 – 23

…..which is a winning percentage of…

.080%

….and the last Idaho head coach Robb Akey got fired at Idaho after posting a winning percentage of…

.286%

…over 6 seasons and thus why Paul Petrino is clearly on the Hot Seat!

Up next for Idaho….

Wofford!

OK…this should be a WIN for sure for Paul Petrino and the Vandals!

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8.  Ron Turner, Florida International – After seeing in person an average Stanford team made of balsa wood whip UCF on Saturday night we now understand how FIU beat UCF in Week 1 and thus it was no surprise to us that an average Indiana team beat FIU on Saturday.

FIU has won…

6 Games

…in three seasons under Ron Turner and FIU should get its SEVENTH win under Ron Turner on Saturday when they play

NC Central

….not that anyone here at Coaches Hot Seat has a Damn clue who in the Hell NC Central is!

We do know that Ron Turner’s ass is on the Hot Seat whether Dave Wannstedt of Fox Sports thinks Turner’s ass is on the Hot Seat or not!

Memo to Dave Wannstedt:  Ron Turner’s precious ass is on the Hot Seat and FIU beating UCF in Week 1 was No Damn Big Deal!

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9.  Butch Jones, Tennessee – The two Coaches Hot Seat members that traveled to Knoxville on Saturday for the Oklahoma – Tennessee game saw the same thing that the other 100-plus Coaches Hot Seat members saw watching the Sooners – Vols game on TV and that was….

Tennessee head coach Butch Jones had the Sooners on the ropes for much of the game and if not for COACHING LIKE A COWARD and COACHING NOT TO LOSE the Vols could have delivered the knockout punch to Oklahoma many times in the game and when you COACH LIKE A COWARD your precious ass ends up on the Hot Seat and that is where Butch Jones finds his precious ass on this Monday morning!

Oh by the way….below are Butch Jones win/loss records at Tennessee which make a Helluva lot more sense now after seeing him COACH LIKE A COWARD in the Oklahoma game:

Overall:  13 – 14

SEC:  5 – 11

Sorry Butch Jones…we don’t give a Damn if you inherited a wreck of a football program from the combo of Lane Kiffin and Derek Dooley because IF you are going to the head coach at Tennessee and a head coach in the SEC you first and most importantly must…

NOT COACH LIKE A COWARD!

As Coaches Hot Seat members discussed the outcome of the Oklahoma – Tennessee game on Saturday night after watching a day of college football and that Badass Madison Bumgarner almost throw a perfect game against the San Diego Padres two things were mentioned the most about Butch Jones’ coaching performance against Oklahoma:

1.  Butch Jones COACHED LIKE A COWARD and in many ways COACHED SCARED against Oklahoma on Saturday

AND

2.  Butch Jones clearly DOES NOT trust his quarterback Joshua Dobbs because there were numerous instances in the first and second half of the game against the Sooners where Butch Jones and his new and OLD offensive coordinator could have unleashed Dobbs on OU and put the game out of reach of the Sooners BUT Butch Jones didn’t do that which brings to mind a quote from the Great Bill Walsh on quarterbacks that one of us heard Coach Walsh say a Helluva long time ago:

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Bill Walsh:  “If you don’t trust your quarterback to make plays and decisions on the field then you don’t have a quarterback and you don’t have a leader. A head coach must prepare his starting quarterback to the best of his ability and then trust his quarterback on gameday. To do anything but that would lead me to believe that a team either has the wrong head coach or wrong quarterback….or both. A head coach must trust his quarterback because that trust is fundamental to playing winning football.”

YES….we miss Coach Walsh and YES there are dozens of college football head coaches across America that DO NOT TRUST their quarterback and SHAME on them for that idiocy!

Sorry Butch Jones BUT it was YOU that cost the Tennessee Vols that game against Oklahoma because very simply Butch Jones you…

COACHED LIKE A COWARD….PERIOD.

Up next for Tennessee…

Western Carolina

…which is a SURE win and then COWARD Butch Jones and the Vols play…

At Florida

…and we would recommend that Butch Jones NOT COACH LIKE A COWARD against the Florida Gators because if the Vols lose to the Gators again….

Your ass Butch Jones and thus YOU will find yourself on the Face of the Sun!

SunEarthOh!

 

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10.  Bret Bielema, Arkansas – A few Coaches Hot Seat members had been watching a tape of the Toledo – Arkansas game on Sunday and after watching things for awhile someone said check the box score on the game for Arkansas and after doing that what about these numbers for the Hogs offense?

Arkansas ran the ball 31 times for 103 yards

Arkansas threw the ball 53 times completing 32 for 412 yards

What in the Freaking Hell Bret Bielema?

So the working theory in Fayetteville must be that Arkansas can run the ball against SEC West teams but not a team from the MAC Conference? Is that right Bret Bielema who seemed in the last week very Damn concerned about Ohio State’s schedule and not the Hogs opponent which just whipped your team’s ass in Little Rock Bret and landed your ass back on the Hot Seat in the process!

YES…like Butch Jones…Bret Bielema COACHED LIKE A COWARD on Saturday but it was a different kind of COWARDICE that Bielema brought out against the Toledo Rockets….it was COWARDICE plus STUPIDITY because if Arkansas had not panicked and had just ran the ball down Toledo’s throat instead of throwing the ball all over the lot they could have won by two touchdowns but instead like in Knoxville and in Columbia…

COWARDLY behavior by the head coach won the day

….and with that COWARDICE the SEC now has FIVE head coaches on the Hot Seat….

Derek Mason, Vanderbilt
Butch Jones, Tennessee
Bret Bielema, Arkansas
Steve Spurrier, South Carolina
Les Miles, LSU

….and if the COWARDLY coaching continues at least three of the above head coaches will NOT be coaching their teams in 2016!

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Memo to Bret Bielema:  This week Bret focus on getting your football team ready to play against Texas Tech because in case you didn’t know it your win/loss records at Arkansas of…

Overall:  11 – 16

SEC:  2 – 14

….are NOT the records that should lead to a head coach popping-off about ANYTHING relative to other football teams around the country especially the Defending National Champions in Ohio State which BEAT Alabama in the Semi-Final Playoff Game in case you forgot Bret!

Oh….lose to Texas Tech Bielema and your ass will be like the Persian Gulf region the last time a dozen or so Coaches Hot Seat members were in it during the spring and summer of 1991 for Desert Storm which was….

Hotter than Hell!

cc: Jeff Long, Arkansas Athletic Director

10 College Football Head Coaches That CANNOT LOSE In Week 2 – Steely Dan Singing Deacon Blues – Bob Stoops and the “Hungry Meter” for College Football Head Coaches

We are introducing a new feature at Coaches Hot Seat for the 2015 football season and beyond…the….

10 College Football Head Coaches That CANNOT LOSE In Week “X”

…..and to introduce this feature we will use a song from the 1970s Super Band Steely Dan…

Deacon Blues

“They got a name for the winners in the world….I want a name when I lose…they call Alabama the Crimson Tide….call me Deacon Blues…Deacon Blues.”

Enjoy the GREAT Steely Dan singing Deacon Blues!

10 College Football Head Coaches That CANNOT LOSE In Week 2

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1.  Kevin Wilson, Indiana vs. FIU – After the close 1-point win over FCS team Southern Illinois in Week 1 there is just no way in Hell that Kevin Wilson’s Hoosiers can lose to FIU at home this week because a loss in this spot to a pitiful team from South Florida…

No…not the Miami Hurricanes

…would send Wilson’s ass into a part of the Universe that is Hotter than our Sun and last time we checked the Sun is pretty Damn HOT!

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2.  Paul Rhoads, Iowa State vs. Iowa – In Paul Rhoads last 25 games at Iowa State his Cyclones have posted the downright startling and depressing win/loss record of…

5 – 20

….and rightly so Paul Rhoads’ ass is now hotter than that coffee that some Idiot spilled on himself and sued McDonald’s about years ago and won BIG which we seem to recall was Pretty, Pretty Hot Coffee which means a loss in this spot to the Iowa Hawkeyes and fellow Hot Seat coach Kirk Ferentz would be nothing short of a…

Complete Freaking Disaster!

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3.  Kirk Ferentz, Iowa vs. Iowa State – Consider this in the Total Disaster that Iowa Football has become in recent years under the $4 Million Dollar Per Year Man Kirk Ferentz:

In Iowa’s last 40 games the $4 Million Dollar Per Year Man Kirk Ferentz has posted a win/loss record of…

20 – 20!

That’s right the University of Iowa….or rather the fans of Iowa Football and in many ways collectively college football fans across America that watch all of these college football games on TV have collectively paid Kirk Ferentz over the past four football seasons something on the order of….

$15 Million Dollars

….for 20 Stinking Wins which works out to the amazing number…

$750,000 Per Freaking Win!

Seriously…you CANNOT make this kind of stuff up and thus why Kirk Ferentz and his Iowa Hawkeyes CANNOT lose to Iowa State on Saturday because if they do the above number goes up to….

$800,000 Per Freaking Win!

Hell, if Kirk Ferentz keeps up this Mediocre Football at Iowa by the end of the 2015 college football season he could be getting paid something on the order of…

$1,000,000 Per Freaking Win!

…and that’s good money IF you can find people STUPID enough to pay that kind of money for MEDIOCRITY which Kirk Ferentz has found in the state of Iowa IN SPADES!

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4.  Charlie Strong, Texas vs. Rice – Anyone that has read the Coaches Hot Seat Blog over the past EIGHT college football seasons knows that we have some good fishing and hunting buddies in the Austin, Texas area who are Texas grads and love showing us “City Boys” what life is like in the Republic of Texas while hunting and fishing and every so often we haul those “Texas Boys” up to Montana to show them what life is like when you really go into backcountry where the trout are large and the grizzly bears will eat your ass if you are not careful!

Getting back to the subject at hand which is….

The Rolling and Raging On Fire Wagon Train

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…that is now Texas football we asked our Austin fishing and hunting buddies what the temperature was down in Texas relative to Charlie Strong and Texas football and their replay was…

“Let’s just say that if Texas loses to Rice on Saturday night Charlie Strong’s house could be on the market and sold before the Horns play Cal the next Saturday!”

Uhhhhh….we would call that the temperature of some wings we used to eat at a chicken wing place in Jacksonville Beach, Florida when a few of us were serving in the US Navy that were the Hottest Damn Wings we have ever put in our mouths and the very simple one word name for those wings was:

“Chernobyl”

This is very simple….Charlie Strong and Texas CANNOT lose to Rice on Saturday night…PERIOD.

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5.  Al Golden, Miami vs. FAU – If there is ONE coach in college football that knows he MUST produce in 2015 meaning win a Helluva lot of football games it is Miami’s head coach Al Golden and in Week 2 Golden and his Hurricanes play Florida Atlantic on Friday night and a loss in this spot with these SIX games up next…

Nebraska
At Cincinnati
At Florida State
Virginia Tech
At Clemson
At Duke

…would be nothing short of a Complete Freaking Disaster and send Al Golden’s ass onto the face of an O Class Star which in case you didn’t know…

OClassStar888

Is One Helluva Hot Place for your ass to be sitting on!

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6.  Les Miles, LSU vs. Mississippi State – We don’t have any fishing and hunting buddies in the state of Louisiana but we have heard that if LSU loses to Mississippi State on Saturday night that Les Miles will not be traveling back to Baton Rouge with the LSU football team but will instead be taken immediately to Cape Kennedy in Florida where several influential LSU boosters have arranged to have Les Miles and his ass launched on a NASA rocket to…

Calvera the closest neutron star to Earth which is approximately 250 to 1000 light-years from Earth

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….which it will take The Mad Hatter several million years to reach and we have also heard that in order to really stick-it-to Les Miles during the entire trip to Calvera those LSU boosters have arranged it so Les Miles will be forced watch a continuous loop replay of the January 2011 BCS Title Game loss to Alabama which most agree was the…

Boringest College Football Game of All Time!

Memo to Les Miles:  Don’t Lose to Mississippi State!

NCAA Football: Wake Forest at Stanford

7.  David Shaw, Stanford vs. UCF – A few Coaches Hot Seat members were on a conference call this week with a “non-athletic related contact” of ours on the Stanford campus who keeps his ears to the ground for us on The Farm since we have to work for a living and cannot hang around the Stanford Athletic Complex and whip the football team into shape which this Stanford football team needs desperately and our “non-athletic related contact” at Stanford said something very Damn interesting on our weekly conference call:

“If Stanford loses to UCF on Saturday there is a very good chance that Stanford doesn’t win 6 games this season because of how fragile and weak this team is and how tough the remaining schedule is.”

Hmmmm….this Stanford football team is “fragile and weak?”

Yep…that was our opinion of the Stanford football team we saw in August on The Farm although our term of…

Balsa Wood Stanford Candy Asses

…for this the 2015 Stanford football team seems to be a little more on the nose to us!

Let’s look at Stanford’s remaining games in 2015

UCF
At USC
At Oregon State
Arizona
UCLA
Washington
At Washington State
At Colorado
Oregon
California
Notre Dame

Yep…if Stanford cannot beat UCF which just lost to FIU on their home field then…

There is NO WAY IN HELL that Stanford gets close to 6 wins this season which would further validate what we have seen happen in recent years that has turned the once Very Damn Tough Stanford Football Program into the…

Balsa Wood Stanford Candy Asses

…that will fold-up like a cheap tent bought from Wal-Mart if even the slightest gust of wind hits the campground on The Farm in this case!

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YES….UCF is a CANNOT lose game for Stanford head coach David Shaw but then when the cake has already been mixed and baked there isn’t a Helluva lot that one can do to that cake once it is sitting on the counter of the kitchen!

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8.  Mike Leach, Washington State vs. Rutgers – With Washington State about to look down the pipe of NINE Pac-12 Conference Games that will ALL be very difficult wins for the Cougars if there is a game that Mike Leach and his WSU football team needs to win it is this Saturday’s game against Rutgers because a loss in this spot to fall to 0 – 2 on the season and it will next to impossible for Washington State to get to 6 wins in 2015 and that would make…

Three Out of Four Losing Seasons for Mike Leach at Washington State

YES…beating Rutgers is CRITICAL for Mike Leach and the Cougs!

Bob Stoops

9.  Bob Stoops, Oklahoma vs. Tennessee – There is no doubt in our minds that Oklahoma head coach Bob Stoops would like to get the Sooners back into the running for a National Championship before he is politely told that his services are no longer needed in Norman since being just a little better than average is eventually not going to cut it at OU even for Bob Stoops, BUT when you talk to people around Norman and we mean folks that have some insight….not total insight but some insight….into what is going on the feeling that used to pervade Oklahoma football under Stoops….

That Dammit We ARE Going To Win Big 12 Championships and National Titles or Die Trying

….just NO LONGER EXISTS in Norman and there in a nutshell is what is wrong with OU football.

We are always coming up with new ways to rank college football head coaches here at Coaches Hot Seat and one way we came up with this past Summer was the “Hungry Meter” meaning on a 1 to 10 scale how “Hungry” is EVERY college football head coach to win Games, Championships and National Titles either at his current school or a bigger school if a great job opportunity presented itself. We have been tossing around the idea of publishing our opinion on the “Hungry Level” for each college football head coach BUT it is such a subjective opinion based on admitted less-than-perfect information we have held it back….so far.…BUT we will tell you of what “Hungry Level” we have OU head coach Bob Stoops at on a 1 to 10 scale to win Games, Championships and a National Title with the Sooners which is of course just our opinion:

Bob Stoops was a “10” on the “Hungry Meter” from 2001 to 2008

Bob Stoops was a “9” on the “Hungry Meter” from 2009 to 2011

Bob Stoops was an “8” on the “Hungry Meter” from 2012 to 2014

Bob Stoops current rating on the “Hungry Meter” = 7.8

In our opinion here at Coaches Hot Seat ANY college football head coach who has a rating of less than “9.5” on the Coaches Hot Seat “Hungry Meter” in today’s incredibly Damn competitive college football landscape has NO DAMN CHANCE to win a Conference Championships and National Titles.

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Two Coaches Hot Seat members will be traveling up from Atlanta to Knoxville on Saturday for the Oklahoma – Tennessee game and they will report back on what they see from Bob Stoops and the Sooners….and our guess is….OU loses to Tennessee and ends up with 7 or 8 wins on the season and Bob Stoops is DONE at Oklahoma come December either in reality meaning no longer the head coach at OU or just a coach going through the motions hauling down millions of dollars a year for “X” number of years into the future.

Just our opinion.

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10.  Brian Kelly, Notre Dame vs. Virginia – Of course both Brian Kelly and Virginia head coach Mike London BADLY need a win in this spot BUT this is a game that Brian Kelly CANNOT lose after the Week 1 crushing of the Hapless Texas Longhorns that are still the Texas Longhorns even though they are now Hapless with a Capital “H” under Charlie Strong! With Georgia Tech coming to South Bend a week from Saturday a loss in this spot will not only dash the hopes of Irish faithful all over the country but would set-up the biggest game of Brian Kelly’s career at Notre Dame because a loss to Virginia followed by a loss to the Yellow Jackets at home would more than likely be a irreversible stake into Kelly’s future unless the Irish ran the table the rest of the way and there CANNOT be a Human Being alive on the Earth that believes the Irish could pull that off!

Our guess….Notre Dame whips Virginia just as UCLA did in Week 1….BUT if the Irish flop-around and lose this game to the Cavaliers Brian Kelly might as well travel on down to Cape Kennedy and get on that rocket with Les Miles that is headed to the closest neutron star because South Bend will be a terrible place to be next week even if Kelly will have to watch along with Miles a continuous loop of the 2011 BCS Title Game between LSU and Alabama which thankfully for ALL college football games was So Damn Boring it gave us the College Football Playoff!

Launch of Atlas V GPS IIF-4 from Cape Canaveral AFS

Post Week 1 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – 11 – 20 Hot Seat Coaches – Give These Hot Seat Coaches Hell Johnny Cash!

A chair on fire... metaphor "In The Hot Seat"

Give these Hot Seat Coaches Hell Mr. Cash!

Post Week 1 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

11.  Paul Petrino, Idaho – Now in his third season at Idaho head coach Paul Petrino has posted a record of…

2 – 22

…which includes an opening 2015 season loss to Ohio by a score of 45 – 28.

YES…2 – 22 will land your ass on the Hot Seat and that is exactly where Paul Petrino is at and has been for years now!

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12.  Ron Turner, Florida International – We are not quite sure how FIU beat UCF in Orlando on Thursday…more on George O’Leary who is now on the Hot Seat due to the loss to FIU in a bit…but a win is a win and a win over UCF moves Ron Turner down the Coaches Hot Seat Rankings BUT if Turner is going to get off the Hot Seat for good he will need more than 4 wins in 2015 and HELL if you can beat UCF in Orlando you can beat a pitiful Indiana team in Bloomington this coming Saturday….right?

RIGHT!

NCAA Football: Wake Forest at Stanford

13.  David Shaw, Stanford – Dozens of Coaches Hot Seat members were in the San Francisco Bay area and around Stanford University for work and various professional educational things in August so many of us were able to take-in and size-up the Stanford football August preseason camp and by the third week of August a consensus had been reached that we came very close to publishing in the Coaches Hot Seat Blog that we held back on because….WELL….maybe we were wrong and why send out alarms to Stanford’s first opponent Northwestern about potential problems with Stanford football so we kept our mouths shut.

After seeing in person and watching on TV the Stanford – Northwestern game this past Saturday we can now say….

WE WERE NOT WRONG!

….about the Complete Freaking Disaster that we were watching unfold in August on The Farm which has led to the…

Complete Freaking Disaster that is Stanford Football right now!

Let’s quickly summarize what several Coaches Hot Seat members saw in August with Stanford football by quoting a CHS Member on what he thought of the Cardinal’s August camp practices:

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“If you held all of Stanford’s August football practices in a balsa wood house not only would the balsa wood house still be standing there would not be one dent in any of the balsa wood!”

What the Hell does the above mean exactly?

Stanford Football NO LONGER PLAYS FOOTBALL under head coach David Shaw but rather Shaw just holds pillow fights among the players so the…

Candy Ass Coaches and Candy Ass Players can act like they are football players when in FACT

….any random sorority football team from any university in the country could whip the Hell out of the….

Candy Ass Coaches and Candy Ass Players that call themselves Stanford Football!

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On top of Stanford Football players being Candy Asses that are coached by Candy Asses did anyone else catch the Stanford offense against Northwestern?

Got there are Thousands of Pee Wee football teams across America that not only hit harder but are better coached and more sophisticated than the Stanford offense right now?

What a Complete Freaking Joke Stanford Football is right now and in our opinion the current state of Stanford Football goes straight to the head coach David Shaw who also in our opinion…

Wouldn’t know an honest day’s work if it hit him in the ass!

No David Shaw…sitting in your office listening to jazz music is NOT working IF you are the head coach of the Stanford football team which by the way you have turned into the…

Biggest Group of Candy Asses in the American Republic today!

Congratulations David Shaw you should be Mighty Damn Proud of Yourself because you are going to do the Next Too Damn Impossible….

Be handed a championship football program from Jim Harbaugh and less than three years later be now sitting on a record over your last 15 games of…

8 – 7

….and headed towards getting your precious jazz listening ass run right off The Farm!

Up next for the Candy Asses in Cardinal:

UCF this coming Saturday on The Farm which just lost to FIU at home!

Here’s a thought:

The Stanford football coaches and players should all get in their best Sunday dresses out and find some nice pillows from the nearby Macy’s at the Stanford Shopping Center for the UCF game and do what they best and love so very much in style…

Have a Pillow Fight!

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Fear the Tree? No…not any longer on The Farm!

Fear the Pillows being swung by the Candy Ass Coaches and Players on the Stanford NOT A Football Team anymore!

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14.  Les Miles, LSU – Let’s give the award…

Thank God Almighty that those Idiots weren’t around during World War II

…to the LSU athletic department that could not find a way to move a game one day forward to Sunday after the McNeese State – LSU game was cancelled on Saturday which lots of…

Flunky Paper Pushers in the LSU Athletic Department

….couldn’t somehow do who no doubt would be selling apples on the local street corner if they weren’t working in athletics where morons can hang around forever whether they are actually good at their jobs or not who and couldn’t just say this simple Damn thing:

“Sorry Folks….the McNeese State – LSU game is cancelled…see everyone back here at Tiger Stadium tomorrow for a 5PM for kick-off.”

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Would the above had meant that the McNeese State football team would have driven the 130 miles back to their campus in Lake Charles to spend the night and driven back to Baton Rouge on Sunday for the game?

YES….Big Freaking Deal!

Would the above have meant that LSU Athletics would have spent a few extra hundred thousand dollars in overtime for people working in and around Tiger Stadium?

YES…Big Freaking Deal!

Would the above have meant that LSU athletic administrators otherwise known as Precious Candy Ass Paper Pushers would have had to do some extra work over the weekend?

YES…Big Freaking Deal!

Bottom-Line: LSU Athletics is run by Complete Freaking Morons that cannot move a football game…..A Freaking Football Game…one day forward!

YES…it is true…there are Complete Freaking Morons in position of authority all over America right now and LSU Athletics is a prime example of that FACT!

Getting back to Les Miles the LSU Tigers now open the season at Mississippi State and if Les Miles’ football team loses that game…

Expect your ass to be the temperature in the Bayou on a HOT August Day Les Miles!

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15.  Kliff Kingsbury, Texas Tech – PBK’s….Pretty Boy Kingsbury…football team at Texas Tech got a 59 – 45 win over FCS team Sam Houston in Week 1 which means about as much as a grain of sand being washed into the ocean and in Week 2 the Red Raiders play UTEP at home in a game that very simply…

PBK…Pretty Boy Kingsbury….CANNOT LOSE

….with Arkansas in Week 3.

Oh…Arkansas beat UTEP in Week 1 by the score of 48 – 13 so everyone here at Coaches Hot Seat will be watching this UTEP – Texas Tech game and score very closely!

Good Luck to you PBK!

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16.  Steve Sarkisian, USC – USC whipped an overmatched Arkansas State team in Week 1 and the Trojans play a very weak Idaho team in Week 2 and then USC gets…

The Balsa Wood Candy Ass Pillow Fight Boys of Stanford in Week 3

….so USC should EASILY be 3 – 0 when they head to play Arizona State in Tempe on September 26.

As for Steve Sarkisian and his recent “troubles” we can only say to Steve….

Focus on Family and Football Steve and keep the Focus there….PERIOD.

17.  Larry Fedora, North Carolina – North Carolina looked better…especially the UNC defense under Gene Chizik…than the Tar Heels looked in 2014 BUT the OLD Ball Coach’s South Carolina team looked AVERAGE at best so was UNC’s performance against the Gamecocks something to be impressed with or just….whatever?

In our opinion….WHATEVER….because there are probably some high schools team in the South that could whip the South Carolina team that the OLD Ball Coach ran out onto the field in Charlotte!

Coming up for Larry Fedora and North Carolina:

NC A&T
Illinois
Delaware

Hell…North Carolina SHOULD be…

3 – 1

…when go to Atlanta to play Georgia Tech on October 3!

If not…Larry Fedora knows where he will be….no NOT on the beach with is shirt off wowing the ladies and looking for someone that will take a picture of him but rather….

On the FREAKING HOT SEAT!

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18.  Kirk Ferentz, Iowa – It’s not just the Iowa football team that is a Complete Freaking Disaster at the University of Iowa after reading about who Iowa just hired as the new president of the school….

The University of Iowa Campus looking west from Old Capitol and the Pentacrest.

Rocky Start for University of Iowa President, Rekha Basu, Des Moines Register

“Less than 2 percent of the faculty thinks J. Bruce Harreld is qualified to be the University of Iowa’s next president; among the college community at large, it’s 2.6 percent. By contrast, more than 90 percent of respondents to a campus survey gave high ratings to the other three finalists.

Nonetheless, Harreld was named UI’s 21st president Thursday in a unanimous vote from the Iowa Board of Regents. In so doing, they chose a former business executive with no experience in university administration, whose resume lists as his present employer a company he has since acknowledged no longer exists.

Harreld has also admitted he’ll have a steep learning curve for the job, and that his “unusual background” will mean he’ll need a lot of teaching, coaching and mentoring from those who criticized him. It’s good he acknowledged that, and gracious to extend the olive branch. But considering he’ll earn $590,000, plus $200,000 annually in deferred compensation, on-the-job training shouldn’t be necessary.”

What in the Freaking Hell?

Of course, the Iowa regents hiring this Buffoon as the new University of Iowa president makes the school paying football coach Kirk Ferentz $4 Million Dollars a year make sense….well…NOTHING can make paying Kirk Ferentz all that money for mediocrity make sense which brings us to the…

$4 Million Dollar Man Kirk Ferentz

…who over the last five seasons while earning around $20 Million Dollars has posted records of…

Overall:  34 – 30

Big Ten:  19 – 21

…which is a good gig if you can’t be the president of the University of Iowa who it seems is NOT qualified for the job while hauling down almost $800K a year!

Anyone else starting to notice a pattern here at the University of Iowa and if so what does that pattern mean?

We don’t know the exact answer to that question but there are plenty of people here at Coaches Hot Seat that are NOT qualified for lots of jobs at the University of Iowa that make six-figures a year and if we can just get to the right person in Iowa no doubt we will be hired in a Helluva hurry…and kept around whether we FAIL at our jobs or not!

Who is dumber….the folks at LSU that can’t move a football game one day forward or the folks at Iowa that pay a football coach millions of dollars for mediocrity and just hired a president that in our opinion that doesn’t know his ass from the side of a barn when it comes to run a major state university?

It’s Iowa by an eyelash!

The N-O Man: The University of Iowa’s new president has no experience, no ideas, and flubbed his own resume, Kembrew McLeod, Slate.com

Oh, these are just Complete Freaking Idiots at the University of Iowa!

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19.  Mike MacIntyre, Colorado – As we said last week in the Preseason Coaches Hot Seat Ranking Analysis we were hoping for a…

Herculean Effort

…by Mike MacIntyre and the Colorado Buffs in 2015 and what in the Hell did the CU Buffs do in the first game against Hawaii?

The CU Buffs looked like Complete Freaking Buffoons at the opening of the game against the Warriors and it really looked like the head coach and coaching staff showed up at the first game on the sideline without coaching during August camp at all!

Geez….Mike MacIntyre…what in the Hell is going on in Boulder son?

Our recommendation for Colorado head coach Mike MacIntyre: Get things fixed with your football team this week against UMass because if you lose that Week 3 game to Colorado State which has a first-year head coach in Mike Bobo the rest of the 2015 football season could turn into a Complete Freaking Disaster especially with the Oregon Ducks coming to town on October 3.

If Colorado somehow lost to UMass this Saturday in Boulder Mike MacIntyre and the entire CU coaching staff should be fired before they leave the field and a local high school staff should be hired to coach the rest of the season!

Memo to Mike MacIntyre:  Get Off Your Ass Son!

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20.  Mike Leach, Washington StateReally Mike Leach?

Lose to Portland State in the home opening game in Pullman?

Really Mike Leach?

Your Football Team looked like SHIT on Saturday Mike Leach and since we know you can coach we can only draw ONE conclusion after that pitiful loss to Portland State:

Mike Leach just no longer gives a SHIT because his Washington State football team now plays like SHIT!

In Mike Leach’s last 15 football games at Washington State the Cougars are…

3 – 12

…and those 3 wins last season were over….

Portland State
Utah
Oregon State

Oh…Portland State and Oregon State had losing records last year so in the last 15 games Mike Leach has beaten…

1 Team with a winning record

…and anyone that recalls the Washington State – Utah game from last season knows it took a miracle for the Cougars to win that game!

What is going on at Washington State exactly with Mike Leach?

Well…it’s just our opinion…but Mike Leach was always a terrible fit for Pullman, Washington because look at where Mike Leach was living when he could live anywhere he wanted to live…

Key West, Florida

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Still…Mike Leach won a lot of football games at Texas Tech in Lubbock, Texas which isn’t Key West, Florida either so there really is no excuse for Mike Leach to be losing to Portland State in the first game of this third season at Washington State so then just what in the Hell is going on in Pullman?

We think we know BUT we are going to hold our tongue and watch and see IF…

Mike Leach and Washington State just flat out QUIT in 2015 after the opening season loss OR if they come back strong this week in a very tough game at Rutgers.

Your choice Mike Leach and Washington State BUT if Mike Leach does fail at Washington State he will be remembered as…

The Football Coach that got run out of Lubbock

AND

The Football Coach that QUIT in Pullman

Great thing is Mike Leach will be able to determine how this story ends and if it ends badly whether we like Mike Leach or not if the current trend continues in Pullman we will light Mike Leach’s ass up!

Is everyone reading the Coaches Hot Seat Blog starting to understand that we are TOUGHEST on the people we expect the most from?

That’s way ALL alumni and fans should be….don’t accept anything less than…

EXCELLENCE

…and you have a Helluva lot better chance of actually getting…

EXCELLENCE!

21 – 30 Post Week Hot Seat Coaches Analysis Coming Soon!