Yes, the “Rehabilitate Bobby Petrino and Change Petrino From A Sorry Bastard Who Loves Young Blondes on the Back of His Harley Into the Great Football Coach That Just Made A Small Mistake” Is Underway and “Petrino Rehabilitation” just entered Phase 2 today in Fayetteville, Arkansas with the introduction of John L. Smith as the Hogs head coach.
Here are the FOUR Phases of the “Rehabilitate Bobby Petrino and Change Petrino From A Sorry Bastard Who Loves Young Blondes on the Back of His Harley Into the Great Football Coach That Just Made A Small Mistake” Plan:
1. Bobby Petrino apologizes for bad judgment and decides not to pursue any of the money left on his contract with Arkansas….although that would have made for some Damn interesting depositions of under oath if a Petrino vs. Arkansas case had gone to court
2. Bobby Petrino figures out a way to get some Idiot hired at Arkansas to replace him which will implode the Hogs football team which will make Bobby Petrino look like a great coach that was fired only because he made a small mistake.
3. Bobby Petrino will show up on ESPN sometime in the future doing commentary on college football and Petrino will find plenty of “soulmates” at the Mothership!
NOT DONE YET
4. Some desperate athletic director who is desperate to hang onto his job will appear behind a podium in the future and announce that he has done a complete investigation into “what happened” to Bobby Petrino at Arkansas and that although “small mistakes” were made by “Bobby” we decided that those “small mistakes” should not stand in the way of our school’s football team winning football games!
NOT DONE YET
Who might hire the “Rehabilitated Bobby Petrino” so they can “win some football games?”
1. Boston College after the BC trustees fire both the AD and head football coach? Probably not….Petrino would not fit in very well with snobs in Boston!
2. Oregon State if the decline of the Beaver football program continues under Mike Riley? Hey, Oregon State hired Dennis Erickson….why not Bobby Petrino?
3. Maryland if Randy Edsall gets sacked? Uhhhhh, probably not.
4. Texas Tech after they run Tuberville out of town? No, if Tubs gets run Sonny Dykes will be back in Lubbock so forget Petrino in west Texas.
5. Tennessee after the Vols fire Derek Dooley and send Derek back into the practice of law? Hell, Tennessee hired Lane Kiffin so they sure the Hell could hire Bobby Petrino!
6. Idaho if Robb Akey gets fired? Now this might make some sense with Petrino being from that part of the country and after all….Idaho hired Dennis Erickson so they sure the Hell would hire Bobby Petrino!
Are there any other schools that jump out at us where the “Rehabilitated Bobby Petrino” might turn up come this December?
Well, I-AA Montana just fired its head coach for all kinds of very good reasons and if Petrino can’t land a I-A job them maybe heading back to Big Sky Country is the answer.
One recommendation to Bobby Petrino if he does get hired as a college head coach again: If a woman that is not your wife asks you if you are going to kiss her or not just say….
“Hey, you’re great looking and all but if I kiss you my wife will castrate me like a bull is castrated in Texas and Hell not even Lindsey Vonn…
The Arkansas “Situation” and the Hiring of John L. Smith
Have you ever been to Helena, Montana?
If not, you have not seen the capital city of the state of Montana which like every other Montana town is filled with lots of very good people that are about as far away from the Pompous Arrogant Asses that increasingly dominate the top coaching ranks in college football and the NFL as one can get and one of the questions often bandied about here at Coaches Hot Seat is….
“Where and When did Bobby Petrino become a Pompous Arrogant Ass since he sure the Hell didn’t learn to behave that way in Helena, Montana?”
The answer to the above question you ask…..
John L. Smith
It’s not like Arkansas AD Jeff Long had a lot of good options once Bobby Petrino started an affair with a woman half his age, hired the woman that he was having an affair with that was half his age to be on his staff and rode around on his motorcycle without a helmet on with the woman he was having the affair with that was half his age….BUT…..if Jeff Long wanted the only coach in America that is a Bigger Pompous Arrogant Ass than Bobby Petrino then Jeff Long and the Arkansas fans got him in…
John L. Smith
What was it….6, 7 or about 8 years that Bobby Petrino worked for John L. Smith at Idaho, Utah State and Louisville?
Does it really matter how many years since Bobby Petrino learned well from the Master Pompous Arrogant Ass and now after the Smith – Petrino relationship has seemingly run its course Arkansas AD Jeff Long has hired Darth Vader himself to lead the Hogs football program and since we wouldn’t hire John L. Smith to wash our cars, take out our trash or shine our shoes we can only wish the Hog Nation and Arkansas football team….
Jacksonville State – Fayetteville, AR La. Monroe – Little Rock, AR Alabama – Fayetteville, AR Rutgers – Fayetteville, AR Texas A&M – Dallas, TX? Auburn – Auburn, AL Kentucky – Fayetteville, AR Ole Miss – Little Rock, AR Tulsa – Fayetteville, AR South Carolina – Columbia, SC Mississippi State – Starkville, MS LSU – Fayetteville, AR
…and with the amount of talent on the 2012 Arkansas football team ANYONE reading this blog could lead to the Hogs to…
NINE WINS in 2012
…which means if Good Ole’ Darth Vader John L. Smith himself is not able to put NINE WINS up on the board then Arkansas AD Jeff Long might not be hiring the next Hogs coach especially considering it was he that fast-tracked the hiring of Jessica Dorrell which it sounds like violated not only Arkansas athletic department policy but the hiring rules of the University of Arkansas also.
No, there is not a Chance in Hell we would have hired John L. Smith at Arkansas in this spot and if Jeff Long had asked us to draw up a list of 250 coaches that we would hire to coach Arkansas in 2012 Smith would not have been anywhere near that list….
Which makes him the “Perfect” hire in the Bizarro-Land that Fayetteville, Arkansas has become in the last few years!
At this rate some enterprising University of Arkansas student might set-up a booth at the Fayetteville city line and charge for admittance because this is a First-Class Freak Show they have going on in Northwest Arkansas and with John L. Smith back in town this Freak Show promises to get even more outlandish which means if Jeff Long brings in some knife swallowers, the world’s tallest man, the world’s fattest women and some carney barker to guess everyone’s weight who also will allow all ticketholders to Arkansas football games to guess the weight of Bobby Petrino, Jessica Dorrell and a red Harley Davidson all-together then that enterprising Arkansas undergrad might be able to double the ticket price to the Jeff Long’s and Bobby Petrino’s Brothers Traveling Freak Show otherwise known as the 2012 Arkansas football team and Fayetteville, Arkansas!
A few of us will be in northwest Arkansas and southern Missouri on a fishing trip in a few weeks and we will stop in and see our friends in Fayetteville to get the latest which promises to be Mighty Damn Interesting!
Meanwhile…..this is MUST WATCH for ALL Hog fans!
The BCS Boys Gather Together in South Florida To Finally Stick a Fork in the Bogus and Un-American BCS
In the fall of 2006 a few fans of the great game of college football gathered together on an early weeknight evening at theBalboa Café at 3199 Fillmore Street in San Francisco and after several cold draft beers the following goals were agreed to and written down on a napkin:
1. Get the Stanford head football coach Walt Harris fired
2. Have fun with a website focused on the “Hot Seat” for college football coaches….which became Coaches Hot Seat!
3. Get rid of the Bogus and Un-American BCS
Progress of Above Three Goals that were written down in the Fall of 2006:
2. ACHIEVED AND ONGOING
Fast-forward to late April 2012 and only four years after the last time the BCS Boys got together in South Florida which Coaches Hot Seat was “attending” and when SEC commish Mike Slive proposed his “Plus-One” model to alter the format of the Bogus and Un-American BCS the BCS Boys are back on South Beach….well….near South Beach and the word on the street is that….
…which translates to putting a FORK in the Bogus and Un-American BCS and not a day too soon for those of us here at Coaches Hot Seat and the vast majority of college football fans across the country.
We have heard all kinds of Bogus and Very Stupid reasons to keep the Bogus and Un-American BCS going which is the Big Outlier among postseason systems in the United States of America…including on all levels of football that play a Full Regular Season and Postseason Tournament to crown their Champion…but easily the Dumbest thing that we have heard repeated over and over by every Moron that has their hands in the status-quo is that a GREAT Postseason for Major College Football would somehow damage College Football’s Regular Season to which we can only say….
Have you been hanging out in Eugene smoking with the Ducks?
We just love these Idiots that point to the College Basketball Regular Season and the NCAA Tournament and say something like….
“Look, the NCAA Tournament has killed the College Basketball Regular Season.”
NO…the Bogus and Un-American BCS and current College Football Postseason has tremendously hurt the College Basketball Regular Season and you can take that as the gospel from people that remember when College Football ended on January 1 every year and what did we as BIG sports fans turn to next almost immediately?
No, not the NFL Playoffs
It was the College Presidents and Conference Commissioners that allowed the Bogus and Un-American BCS to extend almost 10 days into the New Year and also to play all of these meaningless exhibition bowl games on weeknights AFTER the New Year when REAL Americans with REAL Jobs are guess what?
At Work you Morons!
Oh, Hell, we could go on here for awhile but the Bogus and Un-American BCS is about to be taken off the oxygen tank it has been on for the last few years and wheeled to its final demise so what is the point in dwelling on the Complete Idiocy that was the Bogus BCS which was set-up….let’s be honest here….to preserve the status-quo with all of these meaningless exhibition games which coaches like Bob Stoops love going to because Bob can now work about half as much as he used to and get Oklahoma to a “big bowl game” each year when any Random Drunken Stumble Bum from any city in America could get the Sooners to a “big bowl game” each year!
Yes, Sooners Fans, we also wonder also how good Oklahoma football would be if Bob Stoops worked as much as he used to which no doubt Mike Stoops has noticed by now and hopefully Mike is already lighting a fire under Brother Bob!
Getting back to the Last Days of the Bogus and Un-American BCS Matt Hayes at the Sporting News laid out three issues that the BCS Boys are looking at this week near South Beach in his latest…
1. Playing within the academic calendar, and as close as possible to New Year’s Day.
2. Finding a way to incorporate the major bowls (Rose, Fiesta, Sugar, Orange).
3. A formula for choosing the four “playoff” teams.
We can agree with Point No. 1 in playing the college football postseason within the academic calendar, but as for continuing to kiss the asses of the bowl games who in our opinion do not give two rips about college football, OUR student-athletes, OUR colleges and universities and the Fans or anything beyond as stated by Good Ole “Stick My Nose Into Getting Ohio State into the Sugar Bowl” Paul Hoolahan in a Times-Picayune story (Status quo for the BCS no longer a certainty):
“”It’s obvious that they’re going to be changing the rules of the game and raising the ante,” he said. “In the end, we’ve got to move forward with whatever it takes to protect our interests, which is doing what’s best for New Orleans and the state of Louisiana.””
No, for Paul Hoolahan it’s not what’s best for College Football, the Student-Athletes, the Colleges and Universities, the Fans…
“….with whatever it takes to protect our interests, which is doing what’s best for New Orleans and the state of Louisiana.””
Oh, the College Presidents and Conference Commissioners must be mighty Damn proud when they read the above comments of Hoolahan which run directly counter to what is best for College Football, the Colleges and Universities and the FANS that pay ALL of the bills, but then anyone with a working brain has known for years that the bowl games are about one thing and one thing only….
….which has NOTHING to do with the best interests of intercollegiate athletics and when people confuse a “history” of meaningless exhibition bowl games being played which have turned into nothing more than advertising vehicles for large American and now even International companies that use the Student-Athletes as the advertising prop that are bid out to the highest bidder then the TRUTH about the current college football postseason is laid out for all to see.
Now assume for a moment that over the next couple of days that the BCS Boys were going to do what was best for intercollegiate athletics and college football instead of trying to find a way to kiss the asses of the bowl executives who then turn around and kiss the asses of the conference commissioners, college presidents and college coaches…..Yes, there is a REASON why the bowls have hung on for so long….LOTS OF ASS KISSING!….what kind of postseason for college football would they devise?
1. Well, it would settle the National Champion on the Field of Play
2. It wouldn’t Give Two Rips about the Bogus and Meaningless Bowl Exhibition Games which Bob Stoops loves because he gets his ass kissed for a week and also means “Big Game Bob” can put out a 50 percent effort and take the Sooners to a “big game” and people will tell him that “You Are Doing A Great Job Bob!” Yes, Bob Stoops is heading towards the Hot Seat in 2012 unless he gets the Sooners going again!
3. It would end as close as possible to January 1 and it would play its games on SATURDAYS and not on weeknights!
“It would have been a great advantage for us and certainly our fans would have packed the place,” he said. “But the negative is if you’re No. 3 or No. 4 and you have to travel to some place like Wisconsin. I guess I’d probably rather play at a neutral site as long as it’s at a place with warm weather or indoors.”
…we can only say…”Joe Alleva, we are Damn glad you weren’t around in December 1941 because no doubt your precious ass would be crying about having to fight the Germans in the “cold” of Europe or the Japanese in the “hot” of the Pacific Ocean!”
A sure-fire way to know if you are talking or reading the comments of a Candy Ass that could not defend the American Republic on the Very Best Day of his life is now….
If they are complaining about playing a football game in the cold…they are a Candy Ass!
Getting back to the Death of the BCS if one follows the above guidelines then it leads one naturally to….
An 8-Team Postseason Playoff that is filled-up with the Highest Ranked SIX Conference Champions at the end of the Regular Season and TWO Wild-Card Teams chosen by a committee that would also seed the first-round games of the playoff with the FIRST TWO Rounds being played at the home stadium of the higher seeded team.
We wrote about how this 8-Team Playoff for Major College Football would work back in March…
…so why in the Hell go through it again when it is there to read for all that love the GREAT game of college football and would like to see the National Championship for Major College Football Earned on the Field of Play!
Hey, here’s a thought….
How about the BCS Boys just agreeing to the 8-Team Playoff Plan by Coaches Hot Seat…which even accommodates these Sorry Bowl Bastards….early in the week and everyone can just enjoy the pool and beach in South Florida for a couple of days?
Sounds good to us!
Hey, we hear there are some great buys to be had for Miami condos if you are willing to show up with lots of cash so why waste time debating the Bogus and Un-American BCS when REAL “capitalism” is alive and well in South Florida!
We always wanted a condo overlooking Biscayne Bay!