24 College Football Head Coaches That CANNOT LOSE In Week FOUR – Enjoy the GREAT Steely Dan Performing Deacon Blues!


“They got a name for the winners in the world….I want a name when I lose…they call Alabama the Crimson Tide….call me Deacon Blues…Deacon Blues.”

Enjoy the GREAT Steely Dan performing Deacon Blues!


1.  Mike London, Virginia vs. Boise State – The Virginia football non-conference schedule from Hell ends on Friday night with a game against Boise State after games against UCLA and Notre Dame (and CUPCAKE William & Mary which wasn’t that Damn easy of a game for the Cavs) and barring another great performance more than likely Virginia will enter ACC play at Pitt on October 10 at 1 – 3 and fighting for their lives and head coach Mike London on one of the Hottest Seats in America.

Can Mike London’s Cavs find a way to beat a very good Boise State on Friday night?

Make that Mike London’s Cavs CANNOT LOSE to Boise State at home on Friday night!

NCAA Football: Wake Forest at Stanford

2.  David Shaw, Stanford vs. Oregon State – Even with the win over an USC football team that looked very wobbly against Stanford the Cardinal football team is still for the most part an unknown that has seen David Shaw post a record of….

10 – 7 in his last 17 games at Stanford

6 – 4 in his last 10 Pac-12 games at Stanford

…which makes Friday night’s game against Oregon State in Corvallis a mystery for sure especially when you calculate in new Beavers head coach Gary Andersen who should make OSU a more competitive team than they were under Mike Riley especially during Riley’s last few years on the job where Mediocrity with a Capital M was the dominant theme of the program.

The word that we here at Coaches Hot Seat are getting is that Stanford is a very motivated football team right now and the players are determined to build on the momentum that they got in the win over the Trojans BUT if for some reason the Cardinal should stumble and fall to 2 – 2 on the season after a loss to Oregon State which does have a first-year head coach then Stanford David Shaw will be right back on the Hot Seat so for Damn sure….

Play like men possessed Stanford boys!


3.  Mike Riley, Nebraska vs. Southern Miss – We were talking on the phone this past week to one of our long-time Nebraska friends who we first met over 20 years ago at a Berkshire-Hathaway annual shareholders meeting in Omaha and as a HUGE Nebraska alum and booster he had naturally looked into Mike Riley’s tenure at Oregon State and relative to Riley he asked the following of us:

“Did you guys know that in Mike Riley’s last 50 games at Oregon State his win/loss record was 24 – 26?”

Coaches Hot Seat: “Yes, of course we knew that and during most of that time Mike Riley was on the Hot Seat.”

Nebraska Friend: “I have asked a lot of people here in Nebraska a question I cannot get a good answer to and that question is: “How in the Heck can you get the Nebraska job when at your last school in your last 50 games you posted a record of 24 – 26?”

Coaches Hot Seat: “We have some news for you….no one will be able to answer that question with an answer that makes any Damn sense!”

Nebraska: “Let’s hope Mike Riley understands that if he posts a losing record in 2015 with the amount of talent that Bo Pelini left on the Huskers roster Riley will be back on Oregon permanently before Christmas along with anyone else that was responsible for hiring him!”


Nebraska is now at 1 – 2 and still has these games to play:

Southern Miss
At Illinois
At Minnesota
At Purdue
Michigan State
At Rutgers

Can Mike Riley and his Nebraska team win at least 5 of their remaining 9 games to avoid Riley spending Christmas back in Oregon permanently?

Golly Gee Whiz….we don’t know about that so here’s to hoping Mike Riley hasn’t sold his house in Corvallis yet!


4.  George O’Leary, UCF vs. South Carolina – Why is it that words of Jed Clampett come to mind when considering the current state of UCF football under George “I want to be the permanent AD at UCF “ O’Leary with those words being….

“Pitiful….Just Pitiful!”


Because those words fit the current state of UCF football under George “Anyone heard yet if I have been named the permanent AD at UCF yet” O’Leary!

Luckily for UCF and George “I just love the idea of being the permanent AD at UCF because I won’t have to work all these long hours that the football coach has to” O’Leary they play a team this week in South Carolina that is almost as Damn pitiful as the Knights!

Still…no way that the Ole’ Ball Coach and the Gamecocks lose to this Pitiful UCF team….right?

Speaking of the Ole’ Ball Coach!


5.  Steve Spurrier, South Carolina vs. UCF – For a lucky group of Coaches Hot Seat members our fathers started taking us to The Masters golf tournament in the 1970s before we were even in junior high school and it was there that we fell in love with the Augusta National Golf Club and everything else that makes up the greatest golf tournament in the world and in our opinion the very best thing about The Masters is its co-founder…

The Great Bobby Jones

….who is still in our minds one of the greatest golfers who ever lived and who did something that would be Completely Damn Unheard today.

Bobby Jones retired from the game of golf ON TOP of the game!


In 1930 playing as an amateur golfer Bobby Jones won the so-called “Grand Slam” of that age in the game of golf which included wins in the following major golf tournaments…

British Amateur
Open Championship (British Open to Americans)
US Open
US Amateur

…and after that amazing accomplishment which included a career of winning 13 major championships overall and 7 wins in the US and British Opens Bobby Jones retired from golf at the ripe old age of 28 and of course went on to great success including the founding of the Augusta National Golf Club and The Masters golf tournament.

What does Bobby Jones have to do with Steve Spurrier exactly?

The TRUTH is it’s just no Damn fun watching one of your heroes failing at the very thing that made him a hero which in this case is…

Stephen Orr Spurrier coaching the game of football

…but that is exactly what is happening right now at South Carolina and barring a major miracle turnaround the 2015 season is going to be a Complete and Total Disaster for the Gamecocks and Steve Spurrier knows it.

Here’s Steve Spurrier’s BIGGEST problem:  When you are a part-time coach which in our opinion Steve Spurrier is in spades at South Carolina and you are winning games then everything is fine….BUT…if you start posting losing records as a part-time coach and there are dozens of up-and-coming football coaches around the country that will work like a Demon at 80-plus hours a week if they had your job then your job status is in great danger and that is the case of Steve Spurrier at South Carolina no matter what the “Powers That Be” at the University of South Carolina tell you.

The South Carolina football head coaching job is not a gift to be given from God to someone that can keep as long as they like and if the Gamecocks crash and burn in 2015 as it looks like they are bound and determined to do then Steve Spurrier will have no choice but to retire to the beach and play a lot of golf.

Can South Carolina beat UCF?

South Carolina BETTER DAMN beat this Pitiful UCF team!

An old Greek idea…”As long as your name is whispered on the Earth you are immortal” = “Bobby Jones!”


6.  Les Miles, LSU vs. Syracuse – Les Miles has LSU off to a nice start in 2015 with wins over Mississippi State and Auburn but we are talking about the Mad Hatter here and this is the kind of game where if LSU is not focused on the road against Syracuse in the Carrier Dome the Tigers could end up on the losing side of this game which would of course…

Send Les Miles right back to the Hot Seat!

Yes…Syracuse if a CANNOT LOSE game for Les Miles and the LSU Tigers!


7.  Darrell Hazell, Purdue vs. Bowling Green – Purdue is off to a slow start in 2015 with their pretty tough non-conference schedule of Marshall, Indiana State, Virginia Tech and Bowling Green and Bowling Green in Week 4 is not going to be a Box of Cupcakes and a loss in this spot and Darrell Hazell and the Boilermakers will be sitting at…

1 – 3

….with Big Ten play beginning on October 3 at Michigan State!

Can Darrell Hazell and Purdue find 5 more wins playing the remaining games?

Bowling Green
At Michigan State
At Wisconsin
At Northwestern
At Iowa

If they can then that will be a Helluva coaching job by Darrell Hazell which really makes Bowling Green a CANNOT LOSE Game!


8.  Kevin Wilson, Indiana vs. Wake Forest – Indiana head coach Kevin Wilson is very close to getting his ass off the Hot Seat which would happen with a win over a slightly improving Wake Forest team and the Hoosiers especially need this win because that would put them at 4 – 0 heading into Big Ten play where they should be able to find 2 wins out of 8 conference games and thus get IU back to a bowl game which is ALWAYS a significant accomplishment at Indiana.

YES….Wake Forest is a CANNOT LOSE Game for Kevin Wilson and Indiana!

9.  Ron Turner, Florida International vs. La. Tech – This is Ron Turner’s third season as the head coach at FIU and he has posted an overall record of…

7 – 20

…and thus EVERY game from here on out will be CANNOT LOSE game which of course makes this Saturday’s game at La Tech a CANNOT LOSE game especially with a game at UMass on deck.

10.  Craig Bohl, Wyoming vs. New Mexico – If Craig Bohl is EVER going to get the Wyoming football program pointed in the right direction after a 4 – 11 start in Laramie then beating a struggling New Mexico team may just be the spot to do that BUT this is also a game that Bohl CANNOT LOSE because a loss to the Lobos will really show just how far Wyoming football has fallen and how far it will have to come back just to get within sniffing distance of 6 wins-plus and a bowl game!

New Mexico is a CANNOT LOSE game for Craig Bowl and Wyoming!


11.  Bob Davie, New Mexico vs. Wyoming – Bob Davie needs some wins at New Mexico and fast and a game against a struggling Wyoming team may be just the place for the Lobos to get their second win of the 2015 season BUT a loss in this spot to the Cowboys will make it very tough for New Mexico to get 6 wins in 2015 and in our opinion Bob Davie REALLY needs 6 wins in 2015 to return to coach the Lobos next season.

YES….Wyoming is a CANNOT LOSE game for Bob Davie and the Lobos!


12.  Dana Holgorsen, West Virginia vs. Maryland – With a 2 – 0 start to the 2015 season Dana Holgorsen is now only a win over Maryland from getting his ass off the Hot Seat….at least for now….and we would recommend that the Mountaineers beat Maryland because it will be no Damn fun going into Big 12 play with a game at Oklahoma with your ass on the Hot Seat so Holgorsen get your ass off the Hot Seat with a win on Saturday!


13.  Randy Edsall, Maryland vs. West Virginia – Randy Edsall got off the long smoldering Hot Seat in 2014 with a 7 – 5 regular season record before getting crushed by Stanford in their bowl game and now the Terps have started slow in 2015 and with a loss to West Virginia in Morgantown Randy Edsall will find his ass right back on the Hot Seat which for Damn sure makes this WVU game at….

CANNOT LOSE or it is Hot Seat for sure for Edsall!

14.  Kirk Ferentz, Iowa vs. North Texas – Kirk Ferentz and Iowa are off to a 3 – 0 start in 2015 but we have seen this movie before and the question is now can the Hawkeyes keep things rolling against North Texas before they open up Big Ten play at Wisconsin on October 3?

We don’t know but we do know that…

North Texas is a CANNOT LOSE game for Kirk Ferentz and the Iowa Hawkeyes!


15.  Charlie Strong, Texas vs. Oklahoma State – If you want to understand what is going on behind the scenes of the Texas athletic department and Texas football program right now deep in the heart of Texas just watch the below clip from the movie Nixon when Richard Nixon met with some “boys” in Texas shortly before November 1963 when the “Texas boys” tried without success to get Nixon to commit to run against John F. Kennedy in the 1964 Presidential Election:

Charlie Strong and his Texas coaches should just keep their heads down and keep trying to win football games BUT everyone should understand the firing of now former Texas AD Steve Patterson was done for a reason while the college football season was still going on and that is because in our opinion if the Texas football team falls flat on its face this season with a less than .500 record then there will be a MASSIVE push by the “Texas boys” to payoff Charlie Strong and go hire a new head football coach for the Texas Longhorns which we would handicap in the following way as the most likely next head football coach at Texas…in order with most likely first:

Nick Saban
Jimbo Fisher
Mark Dantonio
Jim Mora
Rich Rodriguez
Gary Patterson
Chip Kelly

YES…you could say that Oklahoma State is a CANNOT LOSE game for Charlie Strong and the Texas Longhorns!


16.   Butch Jones, Tennessee vs. Florida – You can do all the Damn great recruiting you want and all the Damn great talking you want but if you don’t win football games when you are at a place like Tennessee you will find your ass on the Hot Seat and eventually out of a job and when we say “win football games” it is our opinion here at Coaches Hot Seat that Butch Jones’ Tennessee football team should win…

8 Games in 2015

….and that is why that Cowardly Oklahoma loss was such a Complete Freaking Disaster for Jones and a loss that Jones MUST atone for with a win over Florida on Saturday in the….

CANNOT DAMN LOSE Game of the Day!

The Tennessee Vols now at 2 – 1 on the season have these games remaining to be played….

At Florida
At Alabama
At Kentucky
South Carolina
North Texas
At Missouri

…and in our opinion if you could have beaten Oklahoma if not for some COWARDLY coaching then for Damn sure you can beat….Florida, Arkansas, Kentucky, South Carolina, North Texas and Vanderbilt which adds up to…

8 Wins Total and an 8 – 4 overall record

…and thus Butch Jones now has his charge…beat ALL of the above listed teams and get 8 wins on the board or Hot Seat it will be!

17.  Jeff Monken, Army vs. Eastern Michigan – Even sitting on an 0 – 3 record and his ass on the Hot Seat Jeff Monken’s Army team hasn’t played too badly in 2015 and that is why we here at Coaches Hot Seat fully expect Army to beat Eastern Michigan on Saturday in a CANNOT LOSE game for the West Point Boys….Go Army!


18.  Bret Bielema, Arkansas vs. Texas A&M –From where we sit we see only three possible scenarios for the rest of the 2015 Arkansas football season and Bret Bielema’s future in Northwest Arkansas:

A.  Somehow Arkansas beats Texas A&M on Saturday and the Razorbacks come roaring back under BIG Talking Bret Bielema to win 8 games overall and a winning record in SEC play and Bielema is the talk of Razorback Country come December!

B.  Arkansas loses to Texas A&M on Saturday but somehow regroups to win 6 or 7 games with a .500 record in SEC play and although Bret Bielema’s ass is still on the Hot Seat come December he lives to fight another day and comes back for the 2016 season to coach the Razorbacks.

C.  Arkansas gets destroyed by Texas A&M and then loses to Tennessee and Alabama on the road and amazingly somehow loses to Auburn at home also which has Bret Bielema’s ass HOTTER than a newly arrived showgirl in Vegas and then the rest of the season falls apart with the Hogs finishing with records of….

2 – 10 overall

0 – 8 in SEC play

…which is followed by Bret Bielema and Arkansas AD Jeff Long being driven out of Fayetteville in the dark of the night for their own personal safety never to be seen again in Northwest Arkansas!

We asked one of our Arkansas fishing buddies what would happen if Arkansas only won 2, 3 or 4 games in 2015 and his response was:

“That Fat Ass Bielema would have his ass run right out of town is what would happen!”

With the possibility of “that Fat Ass Bielema getting his ass run right out of town” come December we now have a pool going on at Coaches Hot Seat on who will be the next head football coach at Arkansas and the leader of that Coaches Hot Seat Next Arkansas Head Coach Pool as of September 25 is…

Justin Fuentes, Memphis head football coach!

Coach ‘Em Up Bret Bielema or fully expect to get your “Fast Ass run right out of town” come December!

Good Luck against the Aggies Bret and if you lose….well….you know…your ass will only get Hotter!

19.  Derek Mason, Vanderbilt vs. Ole Miss – Assuming for a moment that Derek Mason can retain his job at Vandy if somehow the Commodores can get 4 wins at least in 2015 this Saturday’s game against Ole Miss is not really a…


…but rather how about let’s see if Vandy can make this game competitive for awhile and stay healthy in the process and get ready for a BIG game at Middle Tennessee on October 3 which is for Damn sure a CANNOT LOSE Game!


20.  Gus Malzahn, Auburn vs. Mississippi State – Almost two decades ago now when a couple of Coaches Hot Seat members were working on the 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta they were invited over to Talladega, Alabama for one of the 500 mile NASCAR races at the Talladega Motor Speedway and during that trip they learned a very valuable lesson about human nature. Before the race the two Coaches Hot Seat members were talking to the owner of one of the cars in the race that day and they were telling the owner how exciting it was to watch races on TV from Talladega and that they were looking forward to a great day of racing to which the car owner replied to by saying:

“Well Hell Boys….glad to hear you love the racing but as for everyone else at home watching on TV and the people at the track they love to see the crashes!”

The above insight into human nature is why to all of us in the general public that watching what is unfolding at Auburn is so Damn interesting because the Auburn Tigers football program is right now in the middle of a slow-motion crash that could turn into one of those 20-plus car pileups they have ALWAYS have at Daytona and Talladega with just one more loss on the board and that is why this game against Mississippi State on Saturday is not only a HUGE game for the Auburn Tigers…

It is the BIGGEST game of Gus Malzahn’s young college coaching career!

The line between Failure and Success is now razor thin in Major College Football and there is no Damn guarantee that what worked today will work tomorrow mainly because what you are doing today is being taken apart by dozens of graduate assistants in college athletic departments that are working overtime to find ways to BLOW-UP what you are succeeding with today and there in a nutshell is what has happened at Auburn for Gus Malzahn who runs an offense that even a mediocre defense can BLOW-UP if Malzahn does not have a game-changing quarterback receiving the snaps.

We don’t have a Freaking Clue if the new starting Auburn QB Sean White is the solution to what ails the Tigers’ offense BUT for Damn sure Gus Malzahn had no choice but to try another quarterback because Jeremy Johnson was moving in slow motion while making very Damn slow decisions and when you combine Slow + Gus Malzahn’s offense you have nothing short of a…

Complete Freaking Disaster!

Let’s look at Auburn’s remaining schedule with the Tigers now at 2 – 1:

Mississippi State
San Jose State
At Kentucky
At Arkansas
Ole Miss
At Texas A&M

If Auburn plays like they did against Louisville, Jacksonville State and LSU the Tigers will be lucky to win…

5 Games in 2015

…and if Auburn only wins 5 games in 2015 the Hot Seat under Gus Malzahn’s ass especially if the Tigers don’t beat Alabama will make Dante’s Nine Circles of Hell look like a rollercoaster ride at Six Flags!

21.  Norm Chow, Hawaii vs. Wisconsin – Is there anyone with a working brain that believes Hawaii can beat Wisconsin in Madison?

Didn’t think so which makes this Saturday’s Hawaii at Wisconsin game not so much a…


…..game for Warriors head coach Norm Chow but rather a….


Good Luck in Madison Norm!

22.  Paul Petrino, Idaho vs. Georgia Southern – Eventually when you post a win/loss record like this…

3 – 23

…as a head football coach you will be called into someone’s office and told to get your stuff together because you are done and sooner rather than later unless Paul Petrino starts winning some football games at Idaho that is a conversation that Petrino will be having which makes the Vandals’ Saturday game against Georgia Southern a…


23.  Ron Caragher, San Jose State vs. Fresno State – Most of all right now San Jose State HC Ron Caragher needs some wins because his win/loss records with the Spartans of….

Overall:  10 – 17

MWC:  7 – 10

….in now his third season on the job equals Hot Seat in a BIG way and the only way to get off the Hot Seat is to start winning some football games starting with the game against Fresno State on Saturday.

Fresno State is a clear CANNOT LOSE game for Ron Caragher and San Jose State!


24.  Steve Sarkisian, USC vs. Arizona State – To say our USC alum friends are unhappy right now with the state of USC football would be a massive understatement because they fully believed that the Trojans would roll Stanford last Saturday setting up a BIG game this week against Arizona State in Tempe BUT now this Arizona State game is very simply….

A game that Steve Sarkisian CANNOT LOSE

…especially with what remains on USC’s schedule after this Saturday:

At Notre Dame
At California
At Colorado
At Oregon

Damn…if USC drops to 2 – 2 with a loss to Arizona State on Saturday the Trojans will be fighting to just get to 6 wins in 2015 and if the Trojans win less than 8 games this season….

Damn…just Damn…our USC alum friends will be all over AD Pat Haden to find a new football coach for the Trojans and when these boys start calling for your ass to be fired…your ass is almost always fired!

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