Tag Archive: Mario Cristobal

Post Week 12 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – Give These Hot Seat Coaches Hell Johnny! – Thank You Mr. Cash!

Post Week 12 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

Give These Hot Seat Coaches Hell Johnny!

Thank You Mr. Cash!

Post Week 12 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

1.  Jimbo Fisher, Texas A&M > When you are sitting on a record of 37 – 21 in 5 seasons at Texas A&M which ain’t good at all if anyone’s asking one starts to wonder just what in the Hell is inside that Very Average Record and so we took at look it and Jimbo Fisher’s…

Record against FBS Teams with .500+ Records in Year the Aggies played them is…wait for it…

17 – 20

The $86 Million Buyout Man has a record of 17 – 20 against FBS Teams with .500+ records!

If that doesn’t say it all then what the Hell does exactly?

Geez…Texas A&M has paid Jimbo Fisher around $40 Million Dollars and his ass is sitting on a record of…

17 and Freaking 20 against FBS Teams with .500+ Records!

Yep…this will all be corrected by continuing this Damn Nonsense for another year!

2.  Pretty Boy Patty Boy Pat Fitzgerald, Northwestern > Ole Pretty Boy Patty Boy Pat Fitzgerald whose ass have a hard time getting a job Shoveling Shit if not on the Northwestern campus in our humble opinion not that Pretty Boy Patty Boy have the Guts to take a job in the Real World where your ass actually has got to perform to get paid lost another game on Saturday which drops the Non-Fighting Candy Ass Wildcats to 1 – 10 on the season with only a game against Illinois left on the docket…the High Tea + Crumpets Docket that is!

What happens to a football program when you go Total Candy Ass?

Northwestern Football right now is the answer to that question so any coaches out there thinking of following Pretty Boy Patty Boy down the Yellow Lollipop Non-Brick Road of Total Candy Ass don’t do it…Just Don’t Do It!

3.  David Shaw, Stanford > Only David Shaw down by 10 points at the end of a football game would run a field goal kicker onto the field to try a meaningless field goal in the Candy Ass Game between Stanford and Cal and what a Perfect Summary for Stanford Football the last 4 seasons…

Kicking A Meaningless Field Goal for what reason exactly?

To sooth the egos of Worthless Candy Asses that wouldn’t know how to play the Game of Football on the best day of their lives?

The Last 4 Seasons David Shaw’s record at Stanford is now…wait for it…

14 – 27

Stanford coulda have hired Any Damn Drunken Rodeo Clown who fell off the Cal Train at the Palo Alto Station and made him Head Football Coach at Stanford and done better than that but then Any Damn Drunken Rodeo Clown wouldn’t have turned Stanford Football into Total Candy Asses who don’t know how to…

Block, Tackle, Hit, Run, Do Damn Anything that has Anything To Do With the Game of Football in America!

To say that Stanford Football is a Damn Disgrace to Stanford, to College Football, and to the American Republic and its People is Self-Evident but what may not be Self-Evident to folks that don’t follow Stanford Football closely is that in the Spring of 2019 David Shaw and the Stanford Coaching Staff were warned if they turned the Cardinal Football Players into Total Candy Asses it would be a Total Disaster and guess what happened…

Yep…A Total Freaking Damn Disaster!

Shameful….Just Damn Shameful….on Every Damn Imaginable Level!

4.  Danny Gonzales, New Mexico > We got to see New Mexico play football this past Friday night and now we know why Danny Gonzalez has been a Total Disaster in Albuquerque…

New Mexico is one of the Most Fundamentally Unsound Football Teams we have seen in 40+ years of watching College Football

…and now you know why Gonzales is sitting on a record of….

7 – 23

….in 3 seasons with the Lobos!

Surely this Total Disaster cannot continue!

5.  Neal Brown, West Virginia > West Virginia has a proud football tradition going back for decades now and Neal Brown in 4 seasons at WVU is now sitting on records of…

Overall > 21 – 25

Big 12 > 13 – 21

…and thus it’s Self-Evident why West Virginia will have a New Head Football Coach in 2023!

6.  Butch Jones, Arkansas State > The folks at Arkansas State are mighty proud of how far they have come with their football program in recent years and rightly so and thus Butch Jones in 2 seasons on the job at ASU sitting on records of….

Overall > 5 – 17

Sun Belt > 3 – 12

…has got to mean that Butch is about to get his ass run out of Jonesboro….Right?

7.  Philip Montgomery, Tulsa > Ole Philip has had a nice…make that Yo-Yo run….at Tulsa in the last 8 seasons posting….

4 Winning Seasons in 8 Years on the job

…and records of…

Overall > 42 – 53

AAC: 27 – 34

Surely this cannot continue at a place that is proud of their football as the folks in Tulsa are of theirs….Right?

Maybe it can…if you willing to Accept Average As Hell!

8.  Jeff Hafley, Boston College > After two seasons of 6 – 5 and 6 – 6 for Jeff Hafley at Boston College which is Average at Best at BC we expected the Eagles to be a little better in 2022 but they have been a Total Disaster and after a blowout loss at the hands of Notre Dame where it looked like the BC players were hardly trying the Eagles are 3 – 8 with only a game at reeling Syracuse left on the schedule.

Will Boston College bother to show up to play against Syracuse in a game they could easily win?

If not then Hafley should be fired right after the game!

9.  Mario Cristobal, Miami > Against a Clemson Team that has given up 20+ points in 6 of its 8 ACC Conference Games in 2022 Miami was only able to score 10 points and couldn’t get even 100 yards of Total Offense and like we said weeks ago in the Coaches Hot Seat Blog…

Either Mario Cristobal will get his hands off the Miami Offense and let the Canes run something above a Pee Wee Level Offense or Mario’s ass will be run right out of Miami!

The Canes are now 5 – 6 on the season with none of those wins coming against FBS teams with .500+ records and they got a game against Pittsburgh at home left to try and get to even Pitiful Bowl Eligible and if Miami cannot find a way to rally and win this game at home then Mario Cristobal will start the 2023 season on one of the Hottest Preseason Hot Seat in recent College Football History and will be at risk of getting his ass run right out of South Florida after only 2 years on the job if he posted another sub .500 record!

Don’t lose to Pitt now Mario!

10.  Jedd Fisch, Arizona > Arizona has looked better in Year 2 than Year 1 under Jedd Fisch but Facts Are Stubborn Things is what John Adams is to have reported to have said and in two years on the job Jedd Fisch’s records at Arizona now stand at >

Overall > 5 – 17

Pac-12 > 3 – 13

Recent Head Coaches Records after 2 seasons at Arizona >

Kevin Sumlin > 9 – 15
Rich Rodriguez > 16 – 10
Mike Stoops> 6 – 16

Can Arizona beat Arizona State on Saturday so that Jedd Fisch can at least match Mike Stoops 6 wins in his first two seasons at Arizona?

We sure don’t know the answer to that question but win or lose to the Sun Devils it’s still….

Post Week 8 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – Give These Hot Seat Coaches Hell Mr. Cash!

Post Week 8 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

Give These Hot Seat Coaches Hell Mr. Cash!

Thanks Johnny

Post Week 8 Coaches Hot Seat Ranking

1.  Jeff Scott, South Florida > South Florida had a bye in Week 8 and Jeff Scott’s records at USF still at >

Overall:  4 – 24
AAC:  1 – 17

The Bulls have left in 2022 >

At Houston
At Temple
At Tulsa

Now a Coach in his THIRD season at South Florida should do No Damn Worse than >

3 – 2

In the above games!

What will Scott and the Bulls do?

Let’s find out!

2.  Bryan Harsin, Auburn > The word we have heard out of Auburn and on a couple of sports talk shows in Alabama is that >

There is no Adequate Coach on the Auburn Staff to be the Interim Auburn Head Coach if Harsin was fired so Harsin is still the Head Coach of the Auburn Tigers!

The 3 – 4 Auburn Tigers have left in 2022 >

At Mississippi State
Texas A&M
Western Kentucky
At Alabama

Auburn can win a couple of those games at least if the team plays hard!

Let’s find out!

Don’t want to jinx anyone but the word we are getting out of Auburn is that the Big $$$ Boys around Auburn are debating between below Coaches for their next Head Coach at Auburn >

Jamey Chadwell
Kevin Steele
Hugh Freeze

Our guess on October 24 who the next Head Coach at Auburn will be >

Hugh Freeze

3.  Jimbo Fisher, Texas A&M > The very first time that a Member of Coaches Hot Seat talked to and met Jimbo Fisher he was the Quarterback at Samford University in Birmingham, Alabama, actually Homewood, Alabama just South of Birmingham, playing for then Samford Head Coach Terry Bowden.

We don’t have any ill will against Jimbo and actually understand both where Jimbo came from, how he worked his ass for Nick Saban and Bobby Bowden and fought his way up to the top of the College Football Coaching World, and what has happened with Jimbo since the Jameis Winston days at Florida State and now to Texas A&M.

Very simply we know what drives Jimbo and what has gone wrong with Jimbo and in a lot of ways for lots of different reasons Jimbo has lost his way the last few years at Texas A&M and has mainly lost sight of what College Football and Coaching are all about and this Aggies team now reflects a Head Coach that is lost and honestly needs a break from the game for at least a year or two and Jimbo probably knows this better than anyone else!

In Year 5 at Texas A&M for Jimbo Fisher, when the Aggies should be a Rolling War Machine of a Football Program, they just lost to an Average South Carolina team with still a Green and Young Head Coach in Shane Beamer who is showing Great Promise like his Legendary Daddy Frank but really now >

There’s no reason that the Aggies didn’t roll in and Totally Dominate South Carolina in Jimbo Fisher’s 55 th game as the Head coach at Texas A&M!

Now at 3 – 4 on the season the Aggies have left >

Ole Miss
At Auburn

4 games left at Kyle Field and the Aggies should win all 4 and really should beat Auburn as well to finish at 8 – 4 on the season but if A&M loses to Ole Miss this coming Saturday they probably will only beat UMass!

The sad thing is if this does collapse the A&M folks gonna have to pay around $100M to fire Jimbo Fisher and his staff then commit to another $50M to hire the Next Head Coach of the Aggies and does anyone with a 2+ IQ have Any Damn Confidence that Anyone at or around Texas A&M has 1 Damn Clue what they are doing?


4.  Pat Fitzgerald, Northwestern – The Total Candy Ass Non-Fighting Baby Cats of Patty Boy Fitzgerald Fame lost another game on Saturday and now that’s a record the last 2 seasons for Patty Boy of >

4 – 15

The Real Lesson Here >

When your ass goes Total Candy Ass when your ass supposed to be Coaching Football expect to Lose A Helluva Lot of Football Games and Northwestern went Total Candy Ass 2 years ago under Patty Boy!

The Total Candy Ass Non-Fighting Baby Cats of Patty Boy now at 1 – 6 on the season have left in 2022 >

At Iowa
Ohio State
At Minnesota
At Purdue

Got 1 – 11 Patty Boy?

We will be Happy to fly over to Evanston Patty Boy and hold some Real Football Practices and Toughen Up Your Boys Son if you like Patty Boy but we gonna practice them like we do our Coaches Hot Seat Flag Football Practices playing Real Football now so No Damn Crying if any of them get a Boo-Boo or two!

5.  Ken Niumatalolo, Navy > With the loss to Houston at home on Saturday Navy Head Coach Kenny Boy’s record since he went Total Candy Ass in Annapolis after the 2019 season is >

9 – 20


When your ass goes Total Candy Ass >

See Northwestern and Stanford

Your Ass is going to Lose A Helluva Lot of Football Games!

2 – 5 Navy has left in 2022 >

At Cincinnati
Notre Dame

Got 3 – 9 Kenny Boy?

We got 15+ US Navy Combat Vets at Coaches Hot Seat Kenny Boy and the Navy Football Team is very simply >

A Total Embarrassment to the United States Navy!

Shameful! Just Damn Shameful!

6.  Butch Jones, Arkansas State > With the loss to Louisiana on Saturday, which drops the Red Wolves record in 2022 to 2 – 6, Butch Jones records at Arkansas State in 2 seasons on the job are now >

Overall 4 – 16
Sun Belt 2 – 11

That’s all we have to say and it’s plenty!

7.  Mario Cristobal, Miami > Mario Cristobal took over a Miami team that went 7 – 5 in 2021 and beat Duke 47 – 10 in their last game and got their Head Coach run out of Miami and what has Mario done in Year 1 on the job with the Canes?

Try now at 3 – 4 on the season and just got blasted at home by Duke with a First Year Head Coach and heading towards a Losing Season when Bozo the Clown could have coached the Hurricanes Drunk from a Motel 6 in Sebring, Florida and won 7 games easy!

We had a couple of Members of Coaches Hot Seat up in Eugene this past weekend for the UCLA vs Oregon game and they were talking to “X Person closely associated with Oregon Athletics” and this “X Person” said >

“Greatest thing ever happened to Oregon Football was Mario taking the Miami job!”


The 3 – 4 Canes have left in 2022 >

At Virginia
Florida State
At Georgia Tech
At Clemson

Hell the Canes are not going to win 6 games in 2022!

Mario gonna get his ass run right out of Miami after Year 1?


8.  Danny Gonzales, New Mexico > We don’t have a Damn Clue why Danny Gonzales has been a Total Disaster at New Mexico but very simply >

Danny Gonzales has been a Total Disaster at New Mexico!

Just the Facts as Joe Friday used to say >

Overall 7 – 20
MWC 3 – 16

Just A Total Damn Disaster!

9.  Steve Sarkisan, Texas > A few of us first met Sark when he was on Pete Carroll’s staff at USC and love Steve but we like our Fathers and All Good Fathers are >

Hardest on those we love because we know their asses can do better!

In 2 seasons at Texas Sark is now >

10 – 10

Lest we remind folks that Tom Herman was fired at Texas for going >

7 – 6
10 – 4
8 – 5
7 – 3

Sark is now >

5 – 7
5 – 3

Longhorns have left in 2022 >

At Kansas State
At Kansas

Hell Texas could easily go 5 – 7 again this year and if that happens >

10.  Brent Venables, Oklahoma > Brent Venables in Year 1 at Oklahoma is 4 – 3 and has left on the schedule >

At Iowa State
At West Virginia
Oklahoma State
At Texas Tech

Oh Geez the Sooners might not get 6 wins in 2022 and if not then >

Post Week 6 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – Give these Hot Seat Coaches Hell Johnny Cash!

Post Week 6 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

Give these Hot Seat Coaches Hell Johnny Cash!

Thanks Johnny!

Post Week 6 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings

1.  Jeff Scott, South Florida – The Losing Train continues at South Florida under Jeff Scott and maybe the train is starting to get some competitive fire in it with the Bulls keeping the game against Cincinnati close but >

Another Loss is Another Loss!

Scott’s records at USF now stand at >

Overall: 4 – 23
AAC: 1 – 16

South Florida has left in 2022 >

At Houston
At Temple
At Tulsa

If South Florida is becoming a better football team

You should win 3 of these last 6 games Son!

2.  David Shaw, Stanford – The Great Lesson for Everyone in the Game of Football with what has happened to Stanford Football the last 4 years is >

When your ass Stops Practicing Football You are Going To Lose A Helluva Lot of Football Games!

David Shaw’s Win/Loss Record at Stanford the Last 4 Seasons >

12 – 23

Oh only 4 of those 12 Wins were over Teams with .500+ Records!

The Fall of Stanford Football has been

On Purpose
Done With Happiness


Pure Damn Total Candy Ass Damn Idiocy!

If your ass Practices like Total Damn Candy Asses guess how you Play Football?

Like Total Damn Candy Asses!

We could take a dozen members of Coaches Hot Seat all in their 50s down to Stanford today and >

Whip the Living Hell out of the Total Damn Candy Asses on the Stanford Football Team who are NOT

Real Men Nor Real Stanford Students who are TOUGH!

Cut this Worthless Damn Horseshit before it spreads to other Stanford Sports Teams and the rest of the University!

3.  Brent Venables, Oklahoma – We have had what we will call a Very Good Contact within Oklahoma Athletics for a long time now and we have been interested in what this VGC has been telling us about Brent Venables tenure at Oklahoma and last Friday night before the Texas game the OU VGC said to a Coaches Hot Seat Member >

I am still waiting on Brent to start being the Head Coach at Oklahoma. Maybe he will get around to it soon!

That’s the Problem >

Brent Venables isn’t a Head Football Coach

He’s A Damn Cheerleader!

Memo to Brent Venables > Start Coaching Football Son or you are going to keep Losing and your ass is going to get run out of your dream job!

After the Total Disaster against Texas the Sooners are now 3 – 3 and have left in 2022 >

Iowa State
At Oklahoma State
At Kansas State
At Kansas

Will the Sooners win another game in 2022?

Not if Brent Venables gonna be a Damn Cheerleader instead of a Head Football Coach at Oklahoma!

4.  Pat Fitzgerald, Northwestern – The Biggest Candy Ass in the Midwestern USA = Pat Fitzgerald keeps on proving he’s the

Biggest Candy Ass in the Midwestern USA

with a 42 – 7 home loss to Wisconsin which just fired it’s Head Coach and the Wildcats now at 1 – 5 and these games left

At Maryland
At Iowa
Ohio State
At Minnesota
At Purdue

will Northwestern win another game in 2022?

Better question for Patty Boy >

Are those Goose Down Feather Pillows your Candy Ass team uses at practices Patty Boy?

5.  Bryan Harsin, Auburn – With the loss to Georgia on Saturday that drops Bryan Harsin’s record at Auburn below the Mendoza Line at >

9 – 10

and the Damn Idiocy Train continues to roll on Auburn with >

Damn Idiots on All Sides Hiring Football Coaches and we cannot wait to see who Auburn hires to follow Harsin…Guaranteed to be Hilarious!

6.  Jimbo Fisher, Texas A&M – If your ass can play Alabama tough in Tuscaloosa you would think that

Your ass could beat Appy State at Kyle Field!


Oh Appy State lost to Texas State on Saturday!

There’s a Helluva Lot of Talent in College Station but there’s >

NO Football Team

and as long as Jimbo Fisher focuses on Coaching Players instead of Building A Football Team this Total Disaster will keep unraveling unless things change in the Bye Week because the 3 – 3 Aggies have left

At South Carolina
Ole Miss
At Auburn

Can the Aggies win 3 of their last 6 games to even get to a .500 record in Jimbo’s 5 the season in Aggieland?

If the Aggies lose at South Carolina NOT LIKELY because these Aggies will probably Flat Out Quit on Jimbo and Everyone Else they lose another game!

What happens when your ass is being paid $8M+ a year and you post a Losing Record in Year 5?

Your Ass Gets Run out of Aggieland and out of the Republic of Texas On A Rail!

7.  Mario Cristobal, Miami – We are not quite sure what Mario Cristobal has been doing at Miami in the last 9 months but whatever the Hell it is Mario….

Do Something Different Son!

Lots of folks in College Football been whispering to us for a few years now that…

Mario Cristobal can recruit but he’s not much of a Practice or Gameday Coach


Hell…based upon the way that Miami has looked so far in Mario’s Year 1…they may be right!

The 2 – 3 Hurricanes with only wins over Southern Miss and Bethune Cookman have left in 2022 >

At Virginia Tech
At Virginia
Florida State
At Georgia Tech
At Clemson

Hell…Miami not get to 6 Wins in 2022 and Manny Diaz NEVER had a losing season in 3 years coaching the Canes!

Get off your Damn Ass Mario…and quick Son!   

8.  Scot Loeffler, Bowling Green – In 4 seasons at Bowling Green Scot Loeffler’s records >

Overall: 9 – 26
MAC: 5 – 8


9.  Tim Albin, Ohio – Tim Albin 2 season at Ohio >

Overall: 6 – 12
MAC: 4 – 6

The Bobcats now at 3 – 3 have left this season

At Western Michigan
Northern Illinois
At Miami (OH)
At Ball State
Bowling Green

Ohio should win at least 3 of their remaining games but we have no idea if they can or will!

10.  Ken Niumatalolo, Navy – Finally Navy Football is getting a Little Tiny Amount of Fight with a Tough Game against Air Force and a Big Win over Tulsa and now we are interested to see if Navy can keep playing like this or

Will they turn back into the Total Candy Asses they were a few weeks ago?

Now at 2 – 3 on the year Navy has left >

At Cincinnati
Notre Dame

Geez…Navy better be a Lot Tougher Football Team or Kenny Boy will post his 3 rd straight losing season at Navy!

Come on Kenny

You are representing the entire US Navy Son and Your Ass and Your Team Needs to be Toughen the Hell Up even MORE!


Ron Turner and Florida International in 2016 – Even FOUR Years Later We Still Haven’t A Damn Clue Why Mario Cristobal Was Fired By FIU…and Even Crazier…Why Was He Replaced With Ron Freaking Turner? It’s SIX Wins Plus For Ron Turner and FIU In 2016….Right? Who the Hell Knows…Yes At FIU It’s…Send in the Clowns!


Ron Turner, Florida International


4 th season at Florida International

Overall Record (San Jose St, Illinois, Florida International):  52 – 87  (.374)

Overall Conference Record:  31 – 63  (.330)

Florida International Record:  10 – 26  (.278)

Florida International Conference Record:  7 – 17  (.292)


Not what we here at Coaches Hot Seat or anyone else understood why the last Florida International head coach before Ron Turner, Mario Cristobal, was fired at FIU after the 2012 season when he was sitting on a record over the 2010, 2011, and 2012 seasons of….

18 – 20 at FIU

….which is a minor miracle at a place like FIU which included taking the Panthers to bowl games in 2011 and 2012 BUT if you are going to fire the most successful head coach in school history you are certainly going to replace him with someone better…..right?


In 2012 Ron Turner who then had a career head coaching record in college football of…

42 – 61

….at San Jose State and Illinois, which included THREE straight losing seasons before he was fired by the Illini after the 2004 season, was hired to replace Mario Cristobal and in THREE seasons how many games has Ron Turner won at FIU you ask?
10 Freaking Football Games!

We got to see FIU play parts of a few games in 2015 and we will admit that the Panthers are about 75% of the way back to where they were when Mario Cristobal was fired BUT that is THREE seasons later, and now entering his FOURTH year on the job one would have to think that either Ron Turner gets…

6 Wins

….at least in 2016 or he is done at FIU….right?

Who the Hell knows because we still can’t figure out why Ron Turner was ever hired at FIU!

OK…let’s go US Navy Intelligence here and assume there is at least one human being working at FIU that…

Knows Their Ass From the Side of a Barn


…and that they have already told Ron Turner something like….

“6 Wins Plus in 2016 Ron or you are done come December”

….which brings us to FIU’s 2016 football schedule to see if 6 wins is doable or not:

At UMass
At Charlotte
La. Tech
Middle Tennessee
At Western Kentucky
At Old Dominion

Geez…if anyone out there sees…

6 Wins

…on FIU’s 2016 schedule then please drop us a note because we don’t think there is a…

Freaking Chance in Hell

…that Ron Turner and his Panthers win 6 games this season but then that’s why the play the games….right? RIGHT!

If Ron Turner doesn’t get to at least 6 wins in 2016 that will make it…

12 out of 14 seasons that FIU has played football that they didn’t hit the .500 mark

…and who has those TWO .500-plus seasons coaching FIU you ask?

Well of course….Mario Cristobal.


For some reason Frank Sinatra singing Send in the Clowns seems appropriate in this spot!