Post Week 3 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – 1 – 10 Hot Seat Coaches – These Head Coaches Don’t Like To See the Man in Black but Give ‘em Hell anyway Johnny Cash!
Amazingly Week 3 of the college football season is already in the books and the HEAT is being turned-up on college head coaches who have stumbled out of the gate or in some cases NEVER got out of the gate and with that REALITY let’s get to the…
Post Week 3 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – 1 – 10 Hot Seat Coaches
These head coaches don’t like to see the Man in Black but Give ‘em Hell anyway Johnny Cash!
1. Paul Rhoads, Iowa State – With the Iowa State loss to Toledo on Saturday considering this stat for a second….
In Paul Rhoads last 30 games at Iowa State he has posted a record of:
7 – 23
In Paul Rhoads last 25 Big 12 games at Iowa State he has posted a record of:
4 – 21
Yep, that will land your ass on the No. 1 Hot Seat in the land and after a 1 – 2 start to the 2015 season the Cyclones get a week off before playing Kansas at home on October 3.
Iowa State can beat this Kansas team in the wake of the Complete Freaking Disaster left by that Dumbass Charlie Weis…right?
We sure the Hell hope so but how will Iowa State fare in its other 8 Big 12 conference games after they beat Kansas on October 3?
Hell if we know, but it looks like barring a Miracle in Corn Country Iowa State will be looking for a new head football coach come December!
2. Doug Martin, New Mexico State – Doug Martin is in his third season at New Mexico State and with the Aggies overtime loss to UTEP on Saturday Martin has posted a record in three seasons at NMSU of….
4 – 23
Enough said on Doug Martin’s Hot Seat situation at New Mexico State!
3. Darrell Hazell, Purdue – We here at Coaches Hot Seat fully expected Darrell Hazell’s Boilermakers to beat Virginia Tech at home on Saturday but instead the Hokies delivered a 51 – 24 beatdown of Purdue and now the 2015 season could turn into a Complete Freaking Disaster for Hazell with a very good Bowling Green team coming to town this coming Saturday.
A loss to Bowling Green and Purdue will start the season at…
1 – 3
…with 8 Big Ten games left to be played starting with a game at Michigan State on October 3 and for the life of us we believe if you can’t beat Virginia Tech or Bowling Green how in the Hell will Purdue win another game this season!
Oh, Darrell Hazell’s win/loss records in his third season at Purdue:
Overall: 5 – 22
Big Ten: 1 – 15
That’s BAD with a capital B!
4. Mike London, Virginia – After a few tense moments Mike London’s Virginia football team got its first win of the season over William & Mary on Saturday and now it’s back to Big Boy football in Week 4 with a game on Friday night against Boise State.
Now in his SIXTH season at Virginia Mike London has win/loss records on the board of…
Overall: 24 – 40
ACC: 11 – 29
…with ONE winning season out of FIVE and if UVA is going to post a winning season in 2015 we would recommend that they beat Boise State on Friday night!
By comparison the Virginia head coach that Mike London replaced and who was run out of Charlottesville on a rail…
…coached at UVA for NINE seasons posting FIVE winning seasons.
Yep…that reality will land your ass on the Hot Seat 100% of the time!
5. Bret Bielema, Arkansas – A few years ago a handful of Coaches Hot Seat members were having dinner with one of their college physics professors and one asked the professor about the following Albert Einstein quote:
CHS Member: “John…what did Einstein mean when he said…
“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”
College Physics Professor: “Ahhh…Albert…a very smart one he was. There is a scientific answer to what Einstein meant when he said, “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one,” but remembering you boys’ grades in my class I will give you the layman’s answer!
Loud laughter at the table!
College Physics Professor: “What Einstein meant was that reality is nothing more and nothing less than how each of our brains perceives the world and the perceived reality for one person is often very different than the reality for almost everyone else on the Earth and thus one reality is very hard to define. In the end reality is just the perception created by the neurons firing off in each of our brains which human beings will naturally try to order towards their own individual particular world view.”
CHS Member: “So what you are saying is that reality…meaning a one reality for everyone no more exists than the Man on the Moon and that reality is different for each person based upon how their individual brain perceives the world?”
College Physics Professor: “Precisely, but then human beings because of their highly evolved brains look at the world around them and naturally want to order it, to organize it, to classify it, to put people and ideas into certain boxes, because that is what homo sapiens were forced to do over millions of years of evolution to survive and then thrive and with that you now not only understand what Einstein was saying but you can also grasp why perception plays such a huge role in daily human life. In the end we are what we perceive of the world, of other people, and of ourselves.”
Getting back to the Complete Freaking Disaster that is Bret Bielema’s REALITY right now after the Razorbacks loss to Texas Tech on Saturday the PERCEPTION at the end of the 2014 season was that Arkansas made some HUGE strides….but did they in FACT?
Let’s go Joe Friday and get to the FACTS on the State of Arkansas Football…Past…Present…and Future:
After a loss to Georgia on October 18, 2014 the Arkansas record stood at…
3 – 4
….and then the Razorbacks under Bret Bielema finished the season by doing this:
Beating UAB = No Big Whoop!
Losing to Mississippi State = Not Surprising
Beating a Collapsing LSU Team = No Big Whoop!
Beating a Demoralized Ole Miss Team =No Big Whoop!
Losing to Missouri = Not Surprising
Beating a Mediocre Texas Team in Bowl Game = No Big Whoop!
So the so-called BIG ending to the Razorbacks 2014 was in REALITY…
No Big Whoop!
…but the PERCEPTION was that Bret Bielema had “turned things around” at Arkansas when in REALITY nothing could be farther from the truth!
Let’s move ahead to the 2015 season for Arkansas which has started this way following an off-season of Bret Bielema and Arkansas AD Jeff Long telling anyone that would listen that Bielema was the second-coming of Paul “Bear” Bryant and that Ohio State was actually playing in something akin to the MAC instead of the Big Ten….in our opinion of course….
Beat UTEP = No Big Whoop!
Lost to Toledo = Hmmmm….Surprising….but NOT REALLY!
Lost to Texas Tech = Hmmmm…Even More Surprising…but NOT REALLY!
Oh, Bret Bielema’s record since supposedly things “turned around” at Arkansas after the loss to Georgia last season:
5 – 4
So the PERCEPTION until Toledo whipped Arkansas was that the Razorbacks were….BACK.…but the REALITY which is just now sinking into the heads of Arkansas fans who are thinking the Pig Farmer from Iowa might have pulled a fast one on them in the last year is that…
Arkansas is 1 – 2 and they play Texas A&M on Saturday in Dallas and the Aggies are….
If Arkansas loses to Texas A&M on Saturday with games at Tennessee and at Alabama on deck the REALITY is the Razorbacks could be sitting at…
1 – 5
….when Auburn comes to Fayetteville on October 24 in what could be the….
Ultimate Hot Seat vs. Hot Seat Coaching Match-Up with the Losing Coach being run out of town on the back of a hog!
Here’s the REALITY for Bret Bielema based upon the building PERCEPTION in Arkansas which we confirmed by talking to an Arkansas-alum friend of ours in Ft. Smith, Arkansas who could buy-and-sell everyone in the Fayetteville – Bentonville area except for the Walton clan and that REALITY is…
“If this season implodes both Bielema and AD Jeff Long might find themselves lucky to shoveling shit in West Texas as you boys like to say from time to time!”
Yep…that is the REALITY NOW in Arkansas folks!
On another note per our agreement with Texas Tech head coach Kliff Kingsbury since the Red Raiders beat the Razorbacks we will no longer be calling Coach Kingsbury….
“_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _”
Nice win there in Fayetteville Kliff!
6. Willie Taggart, South Florida – With the South Florida loss to Maryland on Saturday the Bulls dropped to…
1 – 2
…on the season and things don’t get any easier for Willie Taggart and his football team with this upcoming schedule:
At East Carolina
Memo to Willie Taggart: IF your South Florida team plays the rest of the season the way it has played its first three games in 2015…
You might not win another game until you play hapless UCF on November 26 and Hell Furman beat UCF so go ahead and put that win over the Black Knights on the board!
Get off your ass Willie Taggart! Signed: Coaches Hot Seat
7. Gus Malzahn, Auburn – At the tail-end of the 2014 college football season we ran into an “old and former defensive coordinator in the SEC” at a restaurant in Atlanta and he said to us when the Auburn football program came up:
“The Gus Malzahn experiment in major college football is about to come to an end because what he and other coaches like Chip Kelly have been doing just cannot work unless they have an elite quarterback and neither Malzahn nor Kelly have that right now nor more than likely will they have that next season.”
We talked about the above statement for a few hours in the lobby of an Atlanta hotel and came to agreement on the idea that Malzahn and Kelly’s offenses depended on an elite quarterback who could make instant decisions on the fly but Auburn had Jeremy Johnson ready to play in 2015 and the Eagles had Nick Foles who wasn’t doing to bad at quarterback for the Eagles last season.
Jeremy Johnson is a Total Bust and Nick Foles is playing for the St. Louis Rams who was replaced by Sam Bradford who would be lucky to be a water boy on the Coaches Hot Seat Flag Football Team forget about playing QB and right now the…
….are both a Complete Freaking Disaster!
Oh…another thing…neither the Philadelphia Eagles nor the Auburn Tigers are playing ANY defense so put that REALITY on top of everything else and truly….
Gus Malzahn is facing nothing short of what Gene Chizik faced in 2012 when Auburn went 3 – 9 and 0 – 8 in SEC play and was rightly run out of Auburn on a rail!
Let’s look at the rest of Auburn’s schedule with the Tigers now at 1 – 2 on the season realizing that…
Gus Malzahn is 2 – 6 in his last 8 games at Auburn
Guz Malzahn is 10 – 6 in his last 16 games at Auburn
San Jose State
At Texas A&M
In our opinion if Auburn plays like they did against LSU the Tigers will be lucky to win…
3 Games in 2015
ANY SEC Games in 2015
What if Auburn finished at…
3 – 9 Overall
0 – 8 in the SEC
…in 2015 would Gus Malzahn be sent packing as Gene Chizik was sent packing only two seasons ago with the same record after winning a National Championship considering Malzahn didn’t win a National Title two seasons ago when he had the chance?
What’s Good for the Chizik is Good for the Malzahn….right?
Who would Auburn AD Jay Jacobs hire to replace the run out of Auburn Gus Malzahn to coach the Tigers into the future?
Well, based upon the amount of money Auburn has been spending to build a strong football program on The Plains does anyone doubt that Jacobs would fly down to Tallahassee and offer Jimbo Fisher $8 Million A Year…”Nick Saban Money”….to be the next head football coach at Auburn?
Would Jimbo Fisher accept an offer to become the Auburn head coach at $8 Million A Year?
Does it get HOT on The Plains of southwest Alabama in the Summer?
That would be a BIG YES!
Memo to Gus Malzahn: Nice try against LSU to get the Auburn offense going with Jeremy Johnson but now Gus….Johnson would be lucky to be running the scout team for the Coaches Hot Seat Flag Football Team forget about being in the 1 – 5 QB slots so why in the Hell is he the starting QB at Auburn? Oh, what’s behind Johnson is even worse? OK…that makes sense!
Memo No. 2 to Gus Malzahn: If you lose to Mississippi State on Saturday here is how you will know on whether to contact a Realtor or not to put your house on the market:
If Auburn AD Jay Jacobs starts saying things like…
“I am becoming very concerned in our fundamental approach to the game.”
…put the house on the market immediately!
8. Charlie Strong, Texas – The most amazing thing about the Texas loss to California on Saturday wasn’t the missed extra point at the end of the game BUT that the Texas Longhorns…
YES the Freaking Texas Longhorns!
…had to come storming back to almost tie a team in the California Bears that over the past THREE football seasons had won NINE football games TOTAL!
That is the REALITY of how far the Texas football program has fallen since Mack Brown lost to Alabama in the 2009 – 2010 Bogus BCS National Title Game!
Since that loss to Alabama in the Rose Bowl in Pasadena in January 2010 Texas has posted a combined record under Mack Brown and Charlie Strong of….
37 – 30!
This is the Texas Longhorns we are talking about here and although we will readily admit there is No Joy in Coaches Hot Seat-Ville putting Charlie Strong on the Hot Seat who two Coaches Hot Seat members first met in the early 1990s when Charlie was on Steve Spurrier’s staff at Florida the TRUTH is Texas football right now is very simply…
A Complete Freaking Disaster
…and the sad REALITY is that if Oliver Luck had been the AD at Texas in 2013 instead of the Sorry Excuse for a Human Being Steve Patterson that right now…in our opinion….the head coach of the Texas Longhorns would be none other than…
Guess what Texas fans….and this is just our opinion here at Coaches Hot Seat and is the FIRM opinion of the two Coaches Hot Seat members that traveled to Tuscaloosa for the Ole Miss – Alabama game on Saturday and who are still in Tuscaloosa on this early Monday morning…
If Texas is looking for a new head football coach in December Nick Saban would be Very Damn Interested in that job
….because unlike Alabama which is rebuilding job that is PAST DONE Texas is a Complete Freaking Disaster that needs a HERO to save it and again our opinion here at Coaches Hot Seat:
Nick Saban has ONE more Act in his life on this Earth which would be capped by winning….
National Titles at LSU, Alabama and Texas!
You heard it here first!
As for Charlie Strong whose Texas team is now at 1 – 2 on the season Big 12 Conference play begins this Saturday against Oklahoma State in Austin and to that we can only say…
Good Luck Charlie!
9. George O’Leary, UCF – The UCF loss to Furman on Saturday confirmed of what we saw of UCF when they played Stanford in Week 2…
UCF is average at best and hardly coached team at worst
….and we agree completely with the following from Victory Way: UCF Blog for the UCF Fans…
Time for George to go, Harry P. Nolan, Victory Way
Up next for the 0 – 3 UCF which is now hardly coached by George O’Leary in our opinion…
At South Carolina
….in a Hot Seat vs. Hot Seat Head Coaching Match-Up against the Ole’ Ball Coach!
Speaking of the Ole’ Ball Coach!
10. Steve Spurrier, South Carolina – In the spring of this year a few Coaches Hot Seat members were up in South Carolina playing golf in the Greenville area and ran into some South Carolina Gamecock fans who were asked about the status of Steve Spurrier who will be FOREVER be known at Coaches Hot Seat as the…
Ole’ Ball Coach
…and one of those South Carolina fans said the following:
“I heard that Spurrier wanted to retire at the end of last season but that some folks got to him about all the other coaches that would be out of job if he retired and the Steve reluctantly decided to come back and coach in 2015 and see how things would turn out.”
Sorry….head coaches should not be staying in jobs to keep their assistant coaches and especially their sons employed and no matter what Steve Spurrier has done at South Carolina in the past in case the folks in South Carolina don’t know it the Gamecocks head coaching job is not something akin to the modern day Roman Empire or the USSR where the leaders get to hang around for as long as they want but instead South Carolina is in America and in America…
When you quit performing in your job…you get fired!
That’s how it is for most hard-working Americans making $50,000 or less a year and for Damn sure that is how it should be for football coaches making Millions of Dollars a year!
Steve Spurrier has no Damn “right” to stay as the head coach at South Carolina for as long as he wants but instead the people paying the bills….
The alums, boosters and fans of South Carolina
…will decide when Steve Spurrier will no longer be the head coach at USC unless of course the Ole’ Ball Coach decides first which based upon South Carolina’s remaining games in 2015 as detailed below will be the way this Shakespearean tragedy in Columbia will end later this year:
At Texas A&M
Anyone else thinking that the Ole’ Ball Coach and South Carolina will…
Win maybe….3 more games this season….before they play Clemson at home on November 28 in what will more than likely be the last game with the Ole’ Ball Coach on the sideline in his legendary playing and coaching career?
Anyone else thinking South Carolina will beat Clemson and send Steve Spurrier out a winner and that the next day Steve will be playing golf in Florida?
What is that monologue from William Shakespeare’s As You Like It, Act Two – Scene Seven, that for some reason fits in this spot when considering the playing and coaching career of the Great Steve Spurrier? Oh…here it is:
“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.
Then, the whining school-boy with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then, a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden, and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then, the justice,
In fair round belly, with a good capon lined,
With eyes severe, and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws, and modern instances,
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.”
Thank You Coach Spurrier…now have a Helluva Fun time in these last NINE football games Ole’ Ball Coach!
Post Week 3 Coaches Hot Seat Rankings – 11 – 30 Hot Seat Coaches Analysis coming soon!
Documentary – In Search of Shakespeare 1: A Time of Revolution from technology freak on Vimeo.